Polyamory Books, Magazines, Websites


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...I didn't really want to look through 11 pages of posts merely to find out.

my favorite book on polyamory is "polyamory: roadmaps for the clueless and hopeful,"...
Some tips:

If you set your page views (in User CP) to 40 posts per page, reading long threads is much easier. For example, with this one you see 11 pages, but I see only three.

Also, you can use the "Search This Thread" link to search for specific words or terms (as long as they're longer than 3 letters) only within a certain thread. Searching for the word "Roadmaps" shows that the book has been mentioned in this thread three times previously (that doesn't mean it can't be discussed further... just pointing out ways to use the forum features).


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From this article I read this...
In his book, The Lifestyle: A Look at the Erotic Rites of Swingers, journalist Terry Gould draws a direct line from Oneida [a commune in upstate New York from 1840's to 1870's] to the bohemians, through the free love of the beatnik and hippie movements and into the modern-day polyamorous community. There is a thread of idealism that runs through all of it, he writes; polyamory has historically been as much about remaking one’s own little corner of the world as it has been about sex. Gould contrasts polyamory with swinging, which he traces to the most unlikely of sources—World War II era fighter pilots and their wives. Swinging thus has a more masculine and more conservative history, whereas polyamorists have tended to be more utopian, more New Age, and yes, more feminist.
Here is the link to the book. I don't read, but it looks really interesting. Maybe someone else will read it... and tell us about it? ;)


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rubyfish - your feelings and mine are similar, i think. i have deep emotional connections to 2 or 3 people whom i really care about, whose presences matter greatly in the way i live my own life....

Ethical Slut was good, but more of a carefree how-to...

Opening Up (Tristan Taormino) was GREAT in how it outlined solo polyamory for me...my guideline to go by and customize as my own!

Anapol's "New Love W/o Limits" was great as well, although i need to go back and read it again as it's been a minute...

try "The Art and Etiquette of Polyamory" by Francoise Simpere for another viewpoint...

no ONE of these books (and these are really the only ones i've read on the subject) did the BEST job of introducing/helping/explaining for me, but if you read each one and take what helps, leave the rest....

keep what resonates with YOU individually. leave the rest. some of it may be more meaningful you at a later date, in other circumstances. but different parts of each book helped me tremendously at my own crossroads.


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"The Polyamory Handbook", by Pete Benson

A thorough treatment of the many pitfalls and permutations of poly relationships and stratagies for meeting and overcoming the various chalanges that might arise. This book deals with a lot of conflict resolution and contracts.


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not sure if this is the right place to post this (sorry am new to the board) any recommendations for books that specifically address the dynamics and challenges of the triad?


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Thanks for this post and clarification, MonoVCPHG.

This is the book I most recommend so far for those that want to explain polyamory to someone.

The New Love Without Limits


Here is my reasoning for not recommending the Ethical Slut or even the book Opening Up.

Both the above books are more directed at those that want to open up. They are less sensitive to a person who is trying to understand why their partner needs this.

The New Love Without Limits, although less in depth and simplistic, does a better job of explaining the multiple "loving" aspect of polyamory in my opinion.

The "Ethical Slut" reads like a how-to to fuck lots of people in a mature responsible way.

Opening Up is a book for couples who want to open up.

A lot of times we are dealing with people who do not want to open up. This requires a great deal of clarity, sensitivity, and understanding of their perspective when presenting the reasons for how and why their partner wants/needs and can even have multiple loves.

I'm not sure of a book specifically designed for those people..the ones looking at their partners with broken hearts, feeling loss, inadequate or replaced.
I don't mean to sound dramatic..but that is what we are dealing with.

Peace and Love


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BOOK REVIEW: "Polyamory In the 21st Century: Love and intimacy with Multiple Partners", by Dr. Deborah M. Anapol, Published by Rowman & Littlefield Publishers, Inc, (c) 2010?, ISBN 976-1-4422-0021-0, 269 pages.

The library ordered this book for us, so I felt I should read it. I was not looking forward to it as I found Dr. Anapol's book, "Polyamory The New Love Without Limits", a dull read.

I enjoyed this book far more than her previous one. She speaks with greater authority and her writing is more personable and fun to read. Additionally there are few examples that are copied from the previous work - most of the examples she gives in this work are fresh.

The book is not simply an updating of her previous work. There are new chapters on how poly affects children. (Seems good to her but no scientific studies which say one thing or another.) There is a chapter on cross cultural perspectives and then she talks about poly in myth, archetypes and human evolution.

She spends less time than in her previous book about the 'how to' aspects of poly. I think that the discussion on jealousy is slightly better in this book than her previous one.

She repeats herself a bit. The chapter on myth, archetypes and evolution repeated stuff from earlier in the book (but goes into it in more depth). This made the later section lose a bit of its impact.

This book lacks the bibliography of other movies and fiction and non-fiction discussing poly. If you would like this, look at the first book.

One surprise that I got is that her definition of poly includes those who are currently monogamous but are willing to allow other people into their lives, even if they don't have another partner now. By that definition, my wife and I were poly from the day we were married 15 years ago.

Overall, I can recommend this book much more strongly than her previous work.

Warm regards, Rick.
I'm almost done reading this and I have to say its a great book. I really wish I'd discovered it when I first came to the idea of polyamory and it seems like an ideal book to give to someone who wants to get an idea of the various poly breeds.

It gets down to a lot of the how's and why's of poly and gives lots of examples that are easily relatable. I havent read her new book, but I would say this is an excellent book to give to someone who wants to learn about poly in a clear, concise way without massive overlay of New Agey ideas.


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Fallen Lake

Would it be egotistical to recommend my own book? It's not a "how-to" manual but rather a novel, the story of two couples who are irresistibly attracted to each other and of their children's lives with four parents. It's called Fallen Lake. You can get more information about it from www.fallenlake.com. (The publisher is offering a discount to people on polyamory discussion groups for the month of December. Go to https://www.createspace.com/3701683 and enter the discount code MFNCDVXR).

I'd love to hear what folks think of it.


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I think the first exposure I had to polyamory was on Wikipedia, but what really piqued my interest was a couple of articles from LessWrong, a rationality website.

"Rational Romantic Relationships, Part 1: Relationship Styles and Attraction Basics", by Luke Muelhauser
Covers a number of different relationship styles including polyamory, as well as attachment styles in general.


"Polyhacking", by Alicorn
How she went about deprogramming jealousy in order to be with the man she loved.
Already suggested are 'The Ethical Slut' and 'Sex at Dawn', both of which I've read and enjoyed, though I might have some reservations about Sex at Dawn that I could go into if I had the book in front of me (and if anybody cares :p)


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A couple of books that helped us were:

"The Dewey Color System for Relationships" by Dewey Sadka was probably the most helpful (and creepily accurate I might add....). This book helped bring to light some reason behind why we each think and act like we do.. Interesting

The other is "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman. This book is written from a more spiritual standpoint, which was a little hard to get through, but the overall gist of the "languages" that he points out was helpful.


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Though not specifically about polyamory, What Do Women Want?: Adventures in the Science of Female Desire" has been recommended by a few people. Author Daniel Bergner compiled research done by several women sex researchers for the book. Insightful reviews of the book are on Good Reads: http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/16065700-what-do-women-want

I found this New York Times article by the author (from 2009) to be very interesting and thought-provoking:


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for the secondary type person in a triad

I was wondering if there are and books, websites, articles, blogs, etc. out there written specifically for or by the secondary in a triad relationship. It seems like the information I find isn't really geared toward what they go through.



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BOOK REVIEW: "Polyamory In the 21st Century: Love and intimacy with Multiple Partners", by Dr. Deborah M. Anapol, Published by Rowman & Littlefield Publishers, Inc, (c) 2010?, ISBN 976-1-4422-0021-0, 269 pages.

This is the one I've just finished. Also The Seven Natural Laws of Love. I think those are good books for someone who is trying to understand poliamory or what her/his partner feels. Just to start with.

Its also interesting to have a look to the Magazine http://www.lovemore.com/


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Not publicly available yet, but More than Two by Franklin Veaux and Eve Rickert will be coming out this fall. Given the quality of Franklin's More than Two website, I expect the book to be one of the best.

The Polyamorists Next Door, by Dr. Eli Sheff is a great popular science book for friends, family, and other monos who want to understand why polyamory is and how it works.

A bit of self promotion, but my book Polyamory and Pregnancy is a good resource for any polies dealing with pregnancy (trying to get pregnant, deciding if you want to get pregnant, unexpected pregnancies, and more) in a polyamorous relationship.


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Book Review -

J.J. Roberts – Sex 3.0 A Sexual Revolution Manual


This book appears to be more about sex than about love or relationships.

"Feelings and emotions aren’t deeply analyzed either. J.J. does deal with the subject of jealousy and possessiveness. His advice, which to me felt more like a command, is to cut it from your life. Because when you allow it, you are still living a Sex 2.0" (exerpted from review article linked above)