Manipulation and exploitation to get sex is rape full stop. Trying to dress it up to not sound so bad doesn't make it not rape. Your wife was raped, both during the BJ incident and by the other couple.
Also you have no way of knowing how much impact you may have had long term on the women that you manipulated into having sex with you while you were in high school and college. I assure you that being manipulated into sex with someone who you do not wish to have sex with has long term effects on you.
Derby-I love you!