jayblue122
Member
Hello,
My primary, Liz, has asked me to take a break from being physical with other people for a while so she can adjust to the current situation that is our relationship. Even though we have been poly for a while now, she has recently had trouble accepting the fact that I am involved with other people as well as the extent of which I have involved myself in the local community. We are long distance right now and she has been feeling rather insecure with our relationship, particularly since because of the distance she cannot be physical with me. I reluctantly agreed not to be physical with the other people in my life. I have explained to her that I am poly and do not wish to be in a monogamous relationship. She has insisted that this is a temporary thing. (6 weeks... until we are in the same place. seems like forever to me but...)
My question is this: Do you think that this is a reasonable thing to ask? do you think this may help her adjust? or just prolong the adjustment? I have agreed to this because I love her and I do not want to hurt her, but I have some concerns. Is it fair of me to ask this of my other people? Am I being selfish by still wanting to be physical with them?
More info:
- She is my primary because we live together and are in a committed long term relationship
- We have been in a LDR for 6 months, and will be for another 6 weeks. Then she will move back home.
- Nothing has changed recently, she just realized things about my dealings with others she hadn't before, we had some missocmunications
- She says she needs time to deal with this realization and adjust to what has been going on
- She says if i continue doing things with others she will be too hurt to deal with things; 1 step forward 2 steps back
- I agreed because I love her, and she says she needs this, but I also felt a bit pressured into the agreement
- I do not see any of my other involvements as a threat to her or to our relationship
My primary, Liz, has asked me to take a break from being physical with other people for a while so she can adjust to the current situation that is our relationship. Even though we have been poly for a while now, she has recently had trouble accepting the fact that I am involved with other people as well as the extent of which I have involved myself in the local community. We are long distance right now and she has been feeling rather insecure with our relationship, particularly since because of the distance she cannot be physical with me. I reluctantly agreed not to be physical with the other people in my life. I have explained to her that I am poly and do not wish to be in a monogamous relationship. She has insisted that this is a temporary thing. (6 weeks... until we are in the same place. seems like forever to me but...)
My question is this: Do you think that this is a reasonable thing to ask? do you think this may help her adjust? or just prolong the adjustment? I have agreed to this because I love her and I do not want to hurt her, but I have some concerns. Is it fair of me to ask this of my other people? Am I being selfish by still wanting to be physical with them?
More info:
- She is my primary because we live together and are in a committed long term relationship
- We have been in a LDR for 6 months, and will be for another 6 weeks. Then she will move back home.
- Nothing has changed recently, she just realized things about my dealings with others she hadn't before, we had some missocmunications
- She says she needs time to deal with this realization and adjust to what has been going on
- She says if i continue doing things with others she will be too hurt to deal with things; 1 step forward 2 steps back
- I agreed because I love her, and she says she needs this, but I also felt a bit pressured into the agreement
- I do not see any of my other involvements as a threat to her or to our relationship
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