Re-Introduction

NerfHerder

NerfHerder

Member
Hey all!

I haven't been on the forum in a couple years... partly because I was trying to figure out what poly meant to me and my wife and partly because I think we needed a break to work on ourselves and on each other.

We've always considered ourselves poly to one degree or another, and our relationship has been open on and off for about the last ten years. My last relationship was a bit of fiasco, considering that all three of us were lying to ourselves one way or another. In the last two years, my wife and I have grown a lot, and a lot of things have changed.... I think we're in a much better place than we were (it is amazing how much help a therapist can be!) and I'm hopeful.

Part of what I'm looking to do in my return is to get an idea of what expectations are fair and realistic, and see what others have done. I have always believed that if I'm honest and straightforward, whether we follow the "right" poly or not is not so important, but I also got told enough times that I "wasn't doing poly right" that I'd like to understand that. (and yes, I've read "More than Two" but learning from practical experience is always good.

I'd certainly also love to find friends to talk to. If you want to talk board games, cars, pets, whiskey or pretty much anything, I'm your man. (=

I look forward to hanging out here again, learning a bit and hopefully getting to know a few of you!
 
I can do board games and whisky 😉
 
Greetings NerfHerder,
Welcome back to the forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

It sounds like you have made great strides, during the last few years, in the areas of poly and honesty. It is great that you have returned to this site, to learn what you can about what may have gone wrong for you in the past. There is another book you may find helpful, it is called, "Eight Things I Wish I'd Known about Polyamory (before I tried it and frakked it up)," by Cunning Minx. In the meantime, you can continue to post here and keep us updated as your situation evolves. We will try to help with up-to-date advice and information.

I'm a pets man personally. ;)
Glad to have you back aboard!
Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter" :)

Notes:

There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

Please read through the guidelines if you haven't already.

Note: You needn't read every reply to your posts, especially if someone posts in a disagreeable way. Given the size and scope of the site it's hard not to run into the occasional disagreeable person. Please contact the mods if you do (or if you see any spam), and you can block the person if you want.

If you have any questions about the board itself, please private-message a mod and they'll do their best to help.

Welcome aboard!
 
Evie said:
I can do board games and whisky 😉
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Now *that* is a good combination. (=

Before the plague times, we ran a game group and did board games and drinks with friends pretty much every Friday. Looking forward to getting back to that someday. For now we have a few select friends we play with, and there's always whiskey. (=

I keep meaning to spend time board game arena, but there's always an excuse to do something else. What games do you like? (=
 
kdt26417 said:
Greetings NerfHerder,
Welcome back to the forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

It sounds like you have made great strides, during the last few years, in the areas of poly and honesty. It is great that you have returned to this site, to learn what you can about what may have gone wrong for you in the past. There is another book you may find helpful, it is called, "Eight Things I Wish I'd Known about Polyamory (before I tried it and frakked it up)," by Cunning Minx. In the meantime, you can continue to post here and keep us updated as your situation evolves. We will try to help with up-to-date advice and information.

I'm a pets man personally. ;)
Glad to have you back aboard!
Click to expand...
I'll have to check it out. It certainly doesn't hurt to have more information. (=

For the moment, my wife's got an online boyfriend she's interested in meeting (probably after the holidays) and I'm just looking for friends (I'm sure that will change when the opportunity presents itself... I may feel like I'm not all that interested at the moment, but I know myself better than that, lol.

For pets, I've got two huskies. (the oldest just turned 3, so they're absolute nutballs, but I love them) How about yourself? (=

Oh, completely random question - am I correct in assuming that the pictures I used to have on the forum are long since gone? I couldn't find them - wasn't sure if I just wasn't looking in the right place or that feature was removed.
 
I don't know what happened to your pictures ... that seems like an admin level question, and I'm not even a mod. With the new forum setup (took effect at the start of September, if I remember right), there have been some glitches, and some things may be able to be fixed. There's a recent thread you might find useful, it is called, "Forum upgraded - report issues in here." Post there and see if the admin will respond there. If he doesn't, you could then try contacting him via PM: https://polyamory.com/conversations/add?to=administrator

At my house, we have one dog, a male Jack Russell Terrier, and two female cats, one (older) a Russian Blue and one (younger) a long-haired calico. The dog is a little crazy, but he's alright. The cats are my special buddies and spend most of their time in my bedroom with me. I especially love the Russian Blue. There's also a gate between the cats and the dog; the cats can vault it but the dog can't. This way my bedroom becomes a haven for the cats, where the dog won't romp on them. Truth be told, it's my haven too.

That's what's great about poly, you can make new friends, and if a friend becomes something more than a friend, well, that's cool too!
 
Thanks! I figured the Official Greeter would know a thing or two. (=

I love Russian Blues - they're one of the few breeds I am occasionally not allergic to.
 
NerfHerder said:
I keep meaning to spend time board game arena, but there's always an excuse to do something else. What games do you like? (=
Click to expand...

Any that serves as foreplay lol.

Sorry, I just had memories of playing chess with a FWB. It was our version of Netflix and chill about 20 years ago.

I'll try most games, but even better, play Cranium and end up playing many games at once.

When I was a kid, it was a Christmas tradition for someone to give me a board game (only child amidst my parents, aunt and uncle, and a set of grandparents), open presents after morning church, have dinner (British lunch) and then sit around in the afternoon and everyone play it. I don't have such a collection anymore, but I enjoy backgammon once in a while, chess once in a long while, and honestly would be happy to try most old fashioned style games. I adore cribbage. I'm not good enough to gamble with it. If it counts, I've recently learned Carcassonne and really enjoyed it.

I always sucked at Cluedo (Clue) and Monopoly. I also despise the narrative of Game of Life - ooo, I need to add something to another thread - in short, I need to find some new (especially if they're old) games.
 
Evie said:
Any that serves as foreplay lol.

Sorry, I just had memories of playing chess with a FWB. It was our version of Netflix and chill about 20 years ago.

I'll try most games, but even better, play Cranium and end up playing many games at once.

When I was a kid, it was a Christmas tradition for someone to give me a board game (only child amidst my parents, aunt and uncle, and a set of grandparents), open presents after morning church, have dinner (British lunch) and then sit around in the afternoon and everyone play it. I don't have such a collection anymore, but I enjoy backgammon once in a while, chess once in a long while, and honestly would be happy to try most old fashioned style games. I adore cribbage. I'm not good enough to gamble with it. If it counts, I've recently learned Carcassonne and really enjoyed it.

I always sucked at Cluedo (Clue) and Monopoly. I also despise the narrative of Game of Life - ooo, I need to add something to another thread - in short, I need to find some new (especially if they're old) games.
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I'm not entirely sure why you're sorry. That seems perfectly reasonable to me, lol.

We've got something like 160 board games, so lots to choose from. Too many for me to figure out a favourite, but... Splendor, Merchants and Marauders, and Red Dragon Inn are probably near the top of the list.

Add in an Old Forester or some other good whiskey and I call it a great night. (=
 
Re (from NerfHerder):
"I love Russian Blues -- they're one of the few breeds I am occasionally not allergic to."
Click to expand...

Yeah I've heard that they tend to be hypoallergenic.
 
Wow, it's been about a year since I posted this... and here I am sort of back again.

In the year I've been gone, I attempted the "this is just for fun" relationship (which did not work out... it was interesting to try, but... I need more connection) and I've experienced "compersion" with my wife's experiences with her current boyfriend. Prior to recently, I had more trouble than I had happiness seeing her happy (to be fair, this guy is the best for her, and really seems to care and try to take care of her - it's sometimes a challenge, but overall I'm happy with what she has)

I've moved for work, and now I've got two cats (still allergic, but the new house is big enough to accommodate them).

I'm still looking for people to talk to and to learn from, perhaps to teach...

Everything above still applies - board games and whiskey for life.
 
Hey NerfHerder,

Good to see you're still with us. It's been crazy this past year with the pandemic, I'm hoping the numbers will start going down soon (if enough people get vaccinated). Sounds like you've been learning more of poly by experience, you are finding out what works for you, everyone is different. Congratulations on the compersion. :) As for whisky, I've heard that Oban scotch is good, what's your favorite?

Regards,
Kevin T.
 
kdt26417 said:
Hey NerfHerder,

Good to see you're still with us. It's been crazy this past year with the pandemic, I'm hoping the numbers will start going down soon (if enough people get vaccinated). Sounds like you've been learning more of poly by experience, you are finding out what works for you, everyone is different. Congratulations on the compersion. :) As for whisky, I've heard that Oban scotch is good, what's your favorite?

Regards,
Kevin T.
Click to expand...
Yup, we're definitely learning. Years of practice and fights and learning how to communicate...

And yes, the pandemic has been something entirely else. We just reopened our game night for the first time since March of 2020. Whole new crowd since we moved, but it's been good. :)

Favorite whisky, eh? Probably Glendronach, although I generally drink whiskeys and ryes, my latest favorite find is Penelope toasted series. Went through a bottle of that recently. Very good - I'm a big fan of barrel strength whiskey. :)
 
Heh. I'll have to put those on my to-try list. I like the idea of drinking barrel-strength whisky.
 
It's good. I generally recommend watering it down closer to 80 proof, only in that 110+ can be dangerous~ and the water opens up the flavor a lot.
 
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