really disconcerning


New member
Hey guys,

So im on like week two of this, and i know its still early, but the problem is..there's some shallow people out there. Ive tried the online route, but the minute i send my picture they say thanks but no thanks. My wife says don't worry about it , if those people are shallow, they are not worth my time. Its just really disheartening, and makes me want to give up. I don't want to do that though, i really care about this lifestyle and dont want to be steered by just cruel people. If you have any advice i would really appreciate it.


New member
That's more of a thing you find with the dating scene---particularly online---regardless of polyamorous or monogamous. Ask just about any single person out there regardless of whether they are poly or mono and they are dealing with the same thing.
At first you don't succeed, try try again. You have to dig thru a lot of crappy rock before you find a diamond.


New member
Yes people are shallow and yes it sucks. The thing is that these shallow people aren't compatible with you since (I assume) you aren't a shallow person. So it's better to find out sooner rather than later that this isn't someone you want to be involved with anyway.


Active member
It doesn't necessarily mean that someone is shallow if they turn you down after seeing your picture. Many people have very specific "types" that they know they are attracted to, and that's just how it goes. I don't think it's shallow to acknowledge that one is not attracted to everyone. But make sure you are sending pics that show you at your best. Sometimes there are other elements in the picture that turn people off.


New member
OKC has a really interesting app that will tell you which picture of yours is the best received demographically. I was surprised by its suggestion for me.

I believe you don't even have to post the pictures to your account, if you don't want to.

Edit: I found it helpful, with me being an ogre and all...
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