Redpepper needing some support

MonoVCPHG

New member
Coming Out - Redpepper needing some support

"Coming Out"

Redpepper could use any words of support and caring you might wish to pass on. Her parents are taking it very hard about her and her husband's polyamory as well as my involvement with her. She is struggling. :(

We'll fight through this just as we have fought through everything else and come out on top. Her husband's mom is taking it much better luckily.

Thanks everyone
Peace and Love
Mono
 
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WaywardDruid

New member
Good Luck & Hugs to you all....

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Just Me,
Tim
 

River

Active member
Sorry to hear this news. Some folks take monogamism pretty seriously.

After I used the term "monogamism," just now, I googled the term. And then I checked online dictionaries ... and the term is not yet in common usage.

Heterosexism is now included in the American Heritage Dictionary, Merriam-Webster's, and others, but only a few years ago it was not -- and so may be the case with "monogamism," ...

–noun a prejudiced attitude or discriminatory practices against non-monogamists and polyamorists .

Racists, sexists, heterosexists and monogamism-ists all believe that their kind is superior to any others -- and often the other kinds are considered "immoral, wrong, evil" ... "disgusting".... Certainly inferior.

Redpepper can be consoled by the fact that the monogamists are equally as wrong as the sexists and the racists, etc. Let her stand strong and say so with those who are ignorant of the facts.
 

NeonKaos

Custodian
I read about that on Fakebook.

It ain't right for sure.

How did they deal with it when she was gay? Did they know about that?

Parents should support their kids' happiness no matter what. All that should matter to them is that she's happy and healthy, and not in trouble with the criminal justice system.

Cupcakes and ice-cream (or Rice-Dream for you vegans) for everyone!
 
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Sunshinegrl

New member
Be strong girl. (((hugs))) Im sure that once they start to comprehend a bit better that It will all be ok. KUP please. Thinking of you all.
 

Barry

New member
Hey RP, I'm sending good thoughts your way, and good thoughts for you too Mono. I think you did the right thing in taking a stance on truth, "your truth." Hang in there, sometimes the greatest struggles produce the greatest and most positive results.

Barry
 

MonoVCPHG

New member
Thanks for your comments...luckily Redpepper has two rocks to rest on, two trees to give her shelter and four shoulders to cry on....she has a lot of love in her life to carry her through.

Thanks again...If I wasn't so mono I'd kiss you all.
 

Rarechild

New member
all the best

You are a brave woman, RP. I don't know if the decision to discuss came about as a necessary explanation or a conscious choice, but from what I know of you, it was the latter.

It's gotta hurt to be judged by people you love when you make the bold move to be unapologetic and honest out of love for yourself and them.

I'm proud of you, as I'm sure your men and others in your life are. You did good. Now just give it time.

Wishing you all the best.
 

Fidelia

New member
*hugs* Oh, dear.

I'm so sorry, RedPepper, that your parents aren't being cool with this. What a bummer. :(

Maybe they'll come around. You're still you, after all, and this revelation doesn't change who you are AT ALL. It just changes what they know about you. And they had to have some level of coolness in them to raise an awesome, wise, wonderful woman like you. So hang in there and maybe their inner cool will have a chance to surface.

Be strong, SisterWoman.
 

XYZ123

New member
I'm sorry this is going so rough. It took alot of courage to step forward and be yourself to those you love. Being met with rejection must be so painful.

They're probably concerned as parents, in-laws, and grandparents more than anything. And their reactions are probably more immediately emotional than logical. Give them some time. Let it sink in. Keep showing them you are still you and let them know you are all happiest this way. Hopefully, they will come around.

*hugs* to you and your family-both blood and chosen. Let us know how things are working out when you're up to it.
 

vandalin

New member
Things will work out. Patience and faith in your parents who have probably been there standing by you. This is a slightly bigger bomb for most people than annoucing gender preferences as being homosexual is much more "out" there than poly is.

They love you, they have seen you all together, they will remember how happy you all are as a family and then realize that if this is what it takes to make you happy, then they can accept it. Approval would be nice, but not necessary.

*hugs* for you all.
 
C

Ceoli

Guest
Here's hoping your family can adjust to the largeness of the love you experience.

Sometimes all it takes is time. Let's hope the love in your family wins over the fear.
 

redpepper

New member
Wow, you guys are all so awesome *tear* *sniff* :(

Such kind words of support. I really appreciate that. It means more than you know....

It was just as hard to come out with this as it was to come out that I was a lesbian a million years ago... Then they mourned that they might not have grand kids. This time they were mostly concerned about the grandchild they do have.

We ended up having to say something as they were building themselves into a frenzy with concern that Mono's interest in our family is my son!!! They eventually asked what is going on and said they were very concerned that Mono was going to look after my son for the day this past Monday. My Dad called a family meeting, which we had on Monday night.

The meeting started with my asking them what their concerns were. It came out that they thought Mono was molesting our child and that is why there was a lack of comfort and strange tension in the air when he was around. They thought his presence in our life was confusing and unhealthy for our son and that he wasn't getting enough time with his parents... possibly that he is confused about who his Daddy is. I was frustrated with these comments and argued the points but my husband pointed out that they were valid concerns.... I agreed that we would look at them more closely and if something hadn't changed around some behaviours he's been having (I think related to other circumstances) then we would seek some professional help in October. I think the behaviour will stop when school starts.

It was the next part that was the roughest. My Mum launched into a tyraid of assumptions, judgments, accusations and finger pointing... even sighting the fact that this was all my Dad's fault because he cheated on her when we were kids. I was horrified when she told him that she only stayed with him so that we kids could have enough money to go to university! She went on and on about how hard her life has been and how now we have changed everything and that things will never be the same and that she will recent Mono for as long as she lives for taking her family/grandson away from her. That we won't be doing certain things together now because he is in our lives.... on and on. I was surprised because Mono has spent tons of good times with them already!

I was very hurt and at one point almost walked out screaming that I would not tolerate her speaking to us in that way. She almost walked out saying that she was leaving the family.... I made her stay, telling her we had to have it out now, because I wasn't doing this again! It was a nightmare. I am so ashamed I handled the way I did and I am so hurt and angry at what she said.

To top it off I asked that she not speak to anyone until we had told my husbands Mum and she went right ahead and told her that night! Albeit under pressure from my mother in law to say how the meeting went, but still!

Anyway, they had some accusations (etc.) that I will re-work into questions so as to be helpful to anyone reading this.... as I think that this all might be helpful in some way to anyone who is considering coming out or worries about the repercussions as I did. I think I will start a new link for those questions actually..... stay tuned for a link to it.


adding link to new thread.

http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?p=6288#post6288
 
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River

Active member
... that I will re-work into questions so as to be helpful to anyone reading this.... as I think that this all might be helpful in some way to anyone who is considering coming out or worries about the repercussions as I did. I think I will start a new link for those questions actually..... stay tuned for a link to it.

Redpepper,

Wow! That's a lot -- and a lot to process, for you and all of us here who care for you.

So many things stand out, and yet what stands out most strongly for me, and almost moves me to tears, is that you are recognizing that out of this tumult and turmoil, you have a gift to offer to others -- lemons to give as lemonaide.

This is the greatest gift you can offer -- the will to give. It is a spirit that could heal our broken world. And why, in part, I have so much hope and faith in poly folk.

Bless you and yours, and thank you.
 

JonnyAce

New member
RP,

I've been lurking here for over a month now, and i felt compelled to finally say something, but this post isn't about me. you have my sincerest, and heartfelt sympathy. i know this can't be easy in any way,shape or form, but from what i've seen you, Mono, and the Hubby are definitely strong enough to get through this. i have no doubt that things will get better. keep you chin up!
 

XYZ123

New member
I don't even know what to say having read this. I am so sorry, not because they have concerns, but because they were so hurtful in dealing with them. Mono was fine until they were told he was more than a friend and now he is demonized and your parents cannot spend time with your family because of things going on behind closed doors? I'm hurt for you, angry for you, outraged for you all. And you probably handled it better than I would have. Not only were you able to come here and write about it, you have also started a thread to help others. I'd still be ranting and raving and crying. You're made of tougher stuff than I. :D
 

Catfish

New member
I wish you and your family all the best. This is tough stuff. If it gives you any comfort, I find hope in sharing your struggle. You are truly amazing and I know this will all work out for you in the end. Continue to be strong and use those four strong shoulders you have at your disposal. That's what they're there for.
 

redpepper

New member
thanks...

I really believe that we did the right thing leaving telling them until we were really established and have found some normalcy in our poly "V." I can't stress enough how important it is to take things slowly. The fact that we did that and are rock solid means that no one can deny that we aren't doing just fine.

We won't be telling them about any others in our lives that is for sure. We told them there have been others, but they don't know that there are now! I figure that unless we have someone as close as Mono to us there is no reason...

I have been going through a kind of mourning process over all this. Anger, disbelief, sadness. Today is sadness that I don't have parents that I can be completely open with. I have others I can be with... it's all good.
 
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