Shaya
New member
Question: Should "how to do a relationship" be taught in high school? If not, then should society's expectation on developing a good relationship change from a "trial by fire" experimental model to a "research what others have done to avoid their mistakes" model?
Relationships are the hardest things in life in my opinion. Harder than any course I did in university and with more emotional impact on me. Uni smarts mean nothing if you're curled up on a bed in a train wreck of emotions because you f'ed up your relationship. In light of this, should we be taught how to do relationships? We would consult a manual to put together a bookshelf or an ikea bed, a manual for fixing a car or aeroplane, why not consult a manual for relationships instead of expecting it to work like magic because society says, "all you need is true love."
No! Love alone is not enough to make a good relationship. You may love cooking but that doesn't make you a good cook - you read the cookbook. You may be naturally talented at running and compete at the olympic level but you train and you read physiology, physics, techniques of other runners before you. Love for something without study or without hard work is not a recipe for success in any area of our life. Why should we expect differently in our relationships? Why does society lead teenagers and young couples into believing that "all you need is true love?"
There seems to be a societal expectation that being hurt in love is part of life, or part of growing up. There seems to be an expectation that you can only learn relationshipping by trial and error. Wrong! I've seen 'dumbasses' burn through 10 relationships and come out none the wiser. I've seen 'dumbassess' struggle through quadratic equations for 10 days and come out none the wiser until they're taught how to do it right. Relationships, like quadratic equations, can be taught. Being hurt in love may be part of life, but you can learn to love better, healthier and with less pain if you are willing to read or learn from others who have done it before.
My clever wife brought up an interesting point. She pointed out that the aftermath of a bad-ass affair can sometimes be as traumatic (or more so) than a cancer scare with years of chemo- and radiotherapy. If you doubt it, just look at Mark's story, a person who had an affair for years, ending up an absolute wreck, now a couples counsellor and sharing life lessons we can all learn from. The emotional aftermath of a health scare or death of a family member is traumatic, as is the aftermath of an affair. We funnel all kinds of money into cancer prevention, all kinds of money into researching preventative measures for heart disease and depending on your country, there is even recognition and research into the impact of disease on carers or family members. But what money goes into teaching people to avoid affairs or similar relationship woes?
My wife's point is that there seems to be a disproportionate focus by society on the emotional impact of disease on a family compared to the emotional impact of an affair on the family. My wife identified this as a possible public health measure when framed as "days of productivity lost from work." A cost benefit analysis may show that a tiny amount of money put into changing society's views on relationshipping may increase a nation's productivity by improving psychological health of the nation.
In summary, western society seems willing to put money into studying the mental health of diseases. Depending on your country, there is often money directed towards preventative measures. However, I feel there is a glaring hole in the preventative health aspect of our relationships. Poor relationships can turn a previously successful, highly educated individual into a miserable person with mental health issues, drug addiction and a cycle of poverty, which also impacts our children's mental health and their relationships when they grow up, potentially trapping them in an inter-generational cycle of unhealthy relationship styles. Poor relationships impact days lost at work and other economic factors in society. Relationships are hard. Since we use a manual for almost every difficult task in life, why not use one for relationships? I believe that society's view of relationships as a life experience to be learnt from by trial and error is incorrect. I believe that society's message that relationships will work "as long as you love each other" is incorrect. I believe that relationships, even your first relationship, can be healthier if taught or learnt from a manual.
Relationships are the hardest things in life in my opinion. Harder than any course I did in university and with more emotional impact on me. Uni smarts mean nothing if you're curled up on a bed in a train wreck of emotions because you f'ed up your relationship. In light of this, should we be taught how to do relationships? We would consult a manual to put together a bookshelf or an ikea bed, a manual for fixing a car or aeroplane, why not consult a manual for relationships instead of expecting it to work like magic because society says, "all you need is true love."
No! Love alone is not enough to make a good relationship. You may love cooking but that doesn't make you a good cook - you read the cookbook. You may be naturally talented at running and compete at the olympic level but you train and you read physiology, physics, techniques of other runners before you. Love for something without study or without hard work is not a recipe for success in any area of our life. Why should we expect differently in our relationships? Why does society lead teenagers and young couples into believing that "all you need is true love?"
There seems to be a societal expectation that being hurt in love is part of life, or part of growing up. There seems to be an expectation that you can only learn relationshipping by trial and error. Wrong! I've seen 'dumbasses' burn through 10 relationships and come out none the wiser. I've seen 'dumbassess' struggle through quadratic equations for 10 days and come out none the wiser until they're taught how to do it right. Relationships, like quadratic equations, can be taught. Being hurt in love may be part of life, but you can learn to love better, healthier and with less pain if you are willing to read or learn from others who have done it before.
My clever wife brought up an interesting point. She pointed out that the aftermath of a bad-ass affair can sometimes be as traumatic (or more so) than a cancer scare with years of chemo- and radiotherapy. If you doubt it, just look at Mark's story, a person who had an affair for years, ending up an absolute wreck, now a couples counsellor and sharing life lessons we can all learn from. The emotional aftermath of a health scare or death of a family member is traumatic, as is the aftermath of an affair. We funnel all kinds of money into cancer prevention, all kinds of money into researching preventative measures for heart disease and depending on your country, there is even recognition and research into the impact of disease on carers or family members. But what money goes into teaching people to avoid affairs or similar relationship woes?
My wife's point is that there seems to be a disproportionate focus by society on the emotional impact of disease on a family compared to the emotional impact of an affair on the family. My wife identified this as a possible public health measure when framed as "days of productivity lost from work." A cost benefit analysis may show that a tiny amount of money put into changing society's views on relationshipping may increase a nation's productivity by improving psychological health of the nation.
In summary, western society seems willing to put money into studying the mental health of diseases. Depending on your country, there is often money directed towards preventative measures. However, I feel there is a glaring hole in the preventative health aspect of our relationships. Poor relationships can turn a previously successful, highly educated individual into a miserable person with mental health issues, drug addiction and a cycle of poverty, which also impacts our children's mental health and their relationships when they grow up, potentially trapping them in an inter-generational cycle of unhealthy relationship styles. Poor relationships impact days lost at work and other economic factors in society. Relationships are hard. Since we use a manual for almost every difficult task in life, why not use one for relationships? I believe that society's view of relationships as a life experience to be learnt from by trial and error is incorrect. I believe that society's message that relationships will work "as long as you love each other" is incorrect. I believe that relationships, even your first relationship, can be healthier if taught or learnt from a manual.
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