Ring from Boyfriend

JustUs

Member
This question is posed primarily to other men whose wife has a boyfriend or OSO. But opinions and thoughts are welcome from anyone, of course.
A question my wife asked me the other day made me wonder how I would really feel about this...
"How would you feel if F gave me a ring...one to wear on my other ring finger?"

And I was not really sure how I felt about that...The ring of course would not replace our wedding ring on her ring finger, but would be on the other hand. I think it would be more of a symbol of commitment, more than just a piece of jewelry.

Now, they are in a relationship, which I have always been good with, and he and I get along like best friends, so its not the relationship that bothers me ("bothers" is not the right word, but....) and I am not even sure if the ring would bother me....but not sure about that either....

Any thoughts from others?
 

BigGuy

New member
Shiela has received one in the past from another boyfriend. Doesn't really bother me.
 

Marcus

Well-known member
"How would you feel if F gave me a ring...one to wear on my other ring finger?"

How does bf feel about her wearing a ring that you gave her? How would you feel about her deciding she didn't want to wear any commitment rings at all? What exactly is the significance of her wearing these rings?

To me, a ring (within the context of this conversation) is an external gesture of ownership. If IV decided she wanted to wear this type of ring from CV (not that she ever would) I would need to reassess our relationship immediately. However, I don't take part in hierarchical relationships where there are primary/secondary rankings so this type of symbol of ownership is not relevant.
 

GalaGirl

Well-known member
You could respond to wife with "I am not sure how I would feel about that. I would need time to sort it out.

What does the ring symbolize for YOU? Commitment? Co-primaryship? Affection? Happy birthday?"

Perhaps knowing how she feels about it could help you define/articulate how you feel about it and about seeing her with it.

Galagirl
 

Delphinius

New member
two rings same finger

You're right, it's about the significance of the symbol and the placement of it. Seems you are uneasy about it by saying that "it wouldn't replace our wedding ring". (much appreciated Marcus' query about how OSO feels about the current ring)

Perhaps you can be grateful she'll wear it on her right hand if/when one is offered.

I wear two gold bands both on the ring finger of my left hand, one from each of my husbands. Not replacing one, but yes, an additional commitment symbol.

Although I'm starting to agree more with Boring Guy's family of not wearing rings/symbols of marriage/commitment at all; currently I feel maxed out on romantic relationships so I appreciate that in our society the rings symbolize unavailability.

And yes, it probably was a little adjustment for my first husband however he knew the life long commitment with "other husband" was already fact so this was just another 'version/symbol' of what he already knew was in place.
 

SchrodingersCat

Active member
This question is posed primarily to other men whose wife has a boyfriend or OSO. But opinions and thoughts are welcome from anyone, of course.
A question my wife asked me the other day made me wonder how I would really feel about this...
"How would you feel if F gave me a ring...one to wear on my other ring finger?"

And I was not really sure how I felt about that...The ring of course would not replace our wedding ring on her ring finger, but would be on the other hand. I think it would be more of a symbol of commitment, more than just a piece of jewelry.

Now, they are in a relationship, which I have always been good with, and he and I get along like best friends, so its not the relationship that bothers me ("bothers" is not the right word, but....) and I am not even sure if the ring would bother me....but not sure about that either....

Any thoughts from others?

Does it have to be heterosexual? My girlfriend wants to give me a ring that has the poly symbol inscribed on it. I haven't checked with my husband, but it's my finger and I'll wear a ring on it if I want to. I can't imagine him being threatened by a band of metal.

But your feelings are not my husband's so I'm not sure why you care what he would think. My husband almost never even wears his own ring. He's in a physical, dangerous industry and it could be hazardous to wear it, and then he usually forgets to put it back on afterwards.
 

LovingRadiance

Active member
I read somewhere that there was another country that had previously done wedding rings on the right finger (can't recall when/where I read it-it's been years).

But-anyway,
I wear a ring on my left ring finger from my husband of 14 years and a ring on my right finger from my boyfriend of 20 years.

I honestly-didn't ask either how they felt about it. It felt right to me-and they are my hands. I figure, it's much like they say in sex ed;
if you can't put your hands there, you shouldn't put your penis there-
well if you have approved us having a full relationship-then it shouldn't matter that I have a symbol signifying that relationship.

At any rate-I personally don't care.
I also have a tattoo of one's name on my right hip and the other name on my left hip. Shrug.
These are forever relationships for me-both of them. It's not a secret, no closets here-so no reason not to acknowledge.

Both guys wear rings from me as well. Neither of them have had a girlfriend give them a ring-Maca had a gf who gave him a necklace and he wore that until they broke up. Shrug-again-not a problem.
 

SchrodingersCat

Active member
I read somewhere that there was another country that had previously done wedding rings on the right finger (can't recall when/where I read it-it's been years).

That's also done in the gay community. My queer-identifying gf wears her wedding ring on her right hand, engagement ring on her left because she's got tiny hands and two rings on one finger would be bulky.
 

YouAreHere

Well-known member
I read somewhere that there was another country that had previously done wedding rings on the right finger (can't recall when/where I read it-it's been years).

Greek, I believe. I knew a girl in college who wore her engagement ring on her right finger, until all the questions and "help" from folks asking her why her ring was on the "wrong" finger aggravated her enough to switch. I thought it was a shame that she did.
 

JaneQSmythe

Well-known member
Interesting conversation...I'm glad someone brought it up again.

I am legally married to MrS - we just had our 17 year wedding anniversary (21 years together). I wear a traditional engagement ring and wedding band on the ring finger of my left hand (most of the time, I'm not hard-core about it - it sometimes gets left off for practical reasons). He has a wedding band tattoo'd on his left ring finger.

The other day (after reading one of the related threads here) I asked him how he would respond if some day Dude wanted to offer me a ring for my other hand. His response was that, IF that day should come, then that would be an appropriate symbol of our commitment...but that he didn't think we were at that point yet, and not to rush into things. (He understands how I feel about commitments of this sort...:rolleyes:...this would be SERIOUS heart bonding time - he is right, Dude and I aren't at that point, and may never be, I was "what-iffing"...)

It should be noted at this point that sexual exclusivity was NEVER part of what MrS and I promised to each other when we got married. We have our own ideas about what marriage and commitment means - and THAT is what we promised with our vows. If I were to accept that sort of symbol from Dude, legal marriage or not, from my standpoint that would be the same level of commitment as my marriage to MrS. NOT a thing to be undertaken lightly...)

JaneQ
 

BoringGuy

Banned
Although I'm starting to agree more with Boring Guy's family of not wearing rings/symbols of marriage/commitment at all; currently I feel maxed out on romantic relationships so I appreciate that in our society the rings symbolize unavailability.

Oh neat, you read that somewhere else already and remembered it. I am wickedly impressed in a good way when people do that. When people are able to take something that was true yesterday and recall it today. It may not still be true today (in this case though it is), but so often do people not retain things beyond a minute or so at best.

So, "you're welcome" i guess but i request that you not refer to my combination of partners as a "family". S and i are "next of kin" legally, but other than that we are just individuals who happen to be in love-relationships. I know you meant it respectfully, but i don't do the "poly family" thang. :)

That said, we still don't have rings, and even just today i was asked "are you MARRIED?" in that quizzical emphasis way where they are like, "i know you SAID you were married a long time ago but are you LEGALLY married or just married in spirit" (like a handfasting without paperwork). And i'm like no... We've been legally married for 10 years...

It's because they don't see rings.
 

nycindie

Active member
FWIW, I'm pretty sure that in Germany a wedding band is worn on the right hand. It's probably safe to say that's likely the case in at least a few other countries as well. Americans always think our way is THE way, and that anything else is unusual, which makes me laugh.
 

london

Banned
Lots of Muslims wear it on their right hand. It might be that culturally, lots of predominately Muslim countries wear it on their right hand target than a religious thing.

I'd wear a symbol of commitment if anyone i'm committed to. No big deal. Wouldn't care if my partner did either.
 

BoringGuy

Banned
FWIW, I'm pretty sure that in Germany a wedding band is worn on the right hand. It's probably safe to say that's likely the case in at least a few other countries as well. Americans always think our way is THE way, and that anything else is unusual, which makes me laugh.



But we won and they lost; get over it? No?
 

Delphinius

New member
BG,

The perspective you add to threads is often abrasive, thought provoking and/or entertaining.

Also it's been noted by you how words have particular meanings and you don't appreciate changing definitions of them so apologies for using family in apparently only my definition of people one loves and/or involves significantly in ones life: married, friends or relations born into (obviously not a Miriam Webster definition)

However, thank you for providing me the opportunity to say please dont stop posting on the forum even though your partner currently has no other partner!!

You comments are straight forward & challenging and even though you won't appreciate, this I channelled your 'don't give a shit what anybody thinks' attitude during some of my tougher times. (Like 10 yr BFFs being hypocritically judgemental about my poly lifestyle.)

OK, now I'm bracing ready for more 'neat' comments: just as long as you keep offering your insight, comments, perspective and unaltering reality to soft hearted pollyannas like me:p
 

BoringGuy

Banned
Moar fan mail? Or dessert topping?

Hmmm... I am becoming popular or something that closely mimics that state. I heard about this from others. I am not sure if i am a suitable example. I have no LLC in place, and no agent to book my appointments.

Yes you are right, i do indeed have "family". As i explained, i am just not one of those "poly family" type people.

That said, why would you think i wouldn't appreciate you "channeling" me? Until the implant is able to interface with the secure-shell network, anybody can channel anyone they want, not just dead people. Unfortunately, once the protocols are tweaked, it will most likely lose range and signal strength. It always seems to be a compromise to try to find the ideal balance between speed, resolution, and data recovery.
 
I can answer from the other boyfriend's position

You can be best friends with your wife's boyfriend, and it doesn't matter what the reason is that you may be bothered by a ring that symbolizes anything great or small in it's meaning. Hopefully he will respect that it bothers you, and hopefully you are willing to talk with him about it because it will without any doubt solve the dilemma if you all respect each other enough to be honest.

From what little I've read of your situation, it sounds like you may have found someone who you and your wife can take something as complicated as having multiple intimate relationships become a series of events which are very, very simple and succesful
 
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Phy

Member
FWIW, I'm pretty sure that in Germany a wedding band is worn on the right hand. It's probably safe to say that's likely the case in at least a few other countries

Indeed, we (Germans)wear the engagement ring on the left ring finger and switch it to the right one as soon as we get married.

To answer the orignal question: I wear two rings. The wedding band on the right side and a partner ring on the left. There was no real discussion, we got those rings some months after Lin moved in. I see those rings as something we share with a partner, just a piece of metal that is similar to the one my partner also has. I don't like jewellery that much, therefore those rings are more of symbolic than decorating nature.

I never thought of them as a sign of ownership though. Sward wasn't surprised when I wore the second ring and he never mentioned it in a negative way. I didn't talk to him beforehand about it because that was part of my relationship with Lin.
 

calypsoblu

New member
I wear my engagement and wedding ring (traditional wedding set) frm my husband on my left ring finger, and another ring my OSO gave me on my right ring finger.
Husband knew before me tht OSO was getting me the ring. Both are not concerned bout the others sign of commitment.
 

TRBG

New member
I'm in the same boat as Boring Guy in that my wife and I are legally married but never got into jewelry. As a joke when I first started seeing a new girlfriend who I ended up being with for a while I got her a ring out of a gumball machine. She kept it for a while and got mad at herself when she lost it (not sure if I remember correctly but I think it broke when she smacked her hand against a car window or something. At least that's the story she told me. She may have pawned it). For the gf and I the ring wasn't a symbol of commitment, it was a playful joke. "If you really loved me you would have gotten me the little car thingy."
 
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