Safe Sex - Standards, Practices, Information & Resources

When I read my list it does seem really stringent, but I think I basically put it out that way to make sure that my potential partners are approaching sex with some sensibility. Like I said, I've only had to use dams for protection once since most of the time, all that stuff gets cleared up before we even get in bed together. I guess it's important for me to have partners who aren't freaked out about seriously thinking about their safe sex practices, so it's not so much about only going near people who are "clean". But I also recognize that as a young single woman without a long history of monogamy, I need to pay attention to things a bit more.

Good for you Ceoli! You are caustious. As it should be. I know what you mean though. Most of the time there is a lot of discussion and testing before getting down and dirty. I would rather wait to know and let desire build than fuss around with tons of protection just to get to bed. There is so much to do other than anything to do with fluid. I don't seem to be attracted to people who have lots of partners anyways.

Susie Bright is awesome. She's been around a while in sex positive circles.
 
Maybe it's terrible to give oral w/o a condom on the penis, but from what I read, risks are low... i would watch out for herpes lesions of course.
No lesion required for transmission as I posted in the thread about hpv.

Herpes is transmittable when a-symptomatic. It's OFTEN spread mouth to genitals and genitals to mouth as well.
 
At this point I'm fluid bonded with both Maca and GreenGecko-both of whom have been monogomous to me for the last I don't know how many years... crap... 10?
Anyway-if they choose to be with others then details will change and we do talk about it already.
 
No lesion required for transmission as I posted in the thread about hpv.

Herpes is transmittable when a-symptomatic. It's OFTEN spread mouth to genitals and genitals to mouth as well.


Do you have the link? How often is "OFTEN"?
 
I can't give you great details-I have herpes-so I make it a point to talk to my doctor every time I go in for the newest info-but admittedly I don't ask for numbers-because they are arbitrary for me since I already have it. SO I just ask for info on keeping it under control as much as possible and what to do to protect others from getting it from me.

I can tell you there is a lot of info on www.herpes.com
You might check that out ( I don't know how to make it a link-just typed it on here).

Gotta run-be back later to check back in! :)
 
another good STD/STI site

http://sfcityclinic.org/stdbasics/

Found this to be a good site. I've been reading up on STD/STI's. I liked this sites "Risk Chart".

I can not find it again but when I was doing some intensive reading on one site it said that:
herpes will come out and surface, not necessairly producing a sore but can be contagious, once a month.

I've never heard this before and have been searching sites to find it again.

Glad for this discussion.
goldcactus
 
http://sfcityclinic.org/stdbasics/

Found this to be a good site. I've been reading up on STD/STI's. I liked this sites "Risk Chart".

I can not find it again but when I was doing some intensive reading on one site it said that:
herpes will come out and surface, not necessairly producing a sore but can be contagious, once a month.

I've never heard this before and have been searching sites to find it again.

Glad for this discussion.
goldcactus

THAT is a kickass site for information. I LOVED the risk chart! In fact I sent it to a friend. Thanks for sharing it!!!
 
We have herpes too. I wish I'd had correct information on it 25 years ago! :eek:

We are very strict about our safe sex practices:

- Trust/Honesty/Communication
- Fluid Bonding
- Condoms
- Testing

Fluid bonding is the main safe sex method with R. Hooray for polyfidelity!

I use condoms whenever I am with someone new or someone who doesn't have another method of birth control. I'm just used to using condoms. It's an ingrained habit.

R doesn't like dental dams or condoms, and prefers fluid bonding, but she uses condoms with new people, at least until they can get tested.

:cool:
 
Just wanted to point out that HPV testing should be available and can be done with your pap smear. I haven't done this previously but will be doing it if any of my partners takes new partners; twelve years ago I went from a clear pap smear to stage 3 precancerous in a year and it's a big fear for me. Condoms can help prevent the transmission of HPV but are not 100% effective.
 
I went in for my first appt since we went poly today.
I opted for taking the completely upfront and honest approach.
The poor intake nurse was pretty young and innocent (we do live in Alaska's Bible Belt) and her head flew up when I said I had two partners and yes they knew about each other and yes we all live together. But then curiosity kicked in and she was intriqued and friendly.
The doctor was easy going about it and content with the information as well. :)
Tomorrow I go in for blood work, they are pretty sure I need more vitamin D then the 4000 iu's daily that I take and are considering the possibility of thyroid issues (mild) since my WHOLE family has issues.
Overall everything went smooth as pie. ;)
It was nice being able to talk to the doctor openly and honestly about my relationship dynamic and get no flack.
 
It was nice being able to talk to the doctor openly and honestly about my relationship dynamic and get no flack.

Being able to talk openly and honestly about your relationships and sexual practices is one of the essential and necessary elements to maintaining your sexual health.

Thanks for the reminder of that :)
 
I did that too at my recent appointment. Even though I haven't had any other partners since I got with my husband, I had the tests for all the diseases and everything, except pregnancy, including HIV and Hep-B, and thyroid, etc. Still have to go in and get the results, but I'm not worried (except maybe about the thyroid or anemia).

But I told the doctor why I was asking for this and she didn't seem disturbed by it at all.
 
Thanks for this!
STIs have been the biggest fear for my wife in our conversations. She spent a lot of time in college doing HIV testing at a needle exchange and at one point wanted to go into HIV/AIDS research, so she's read many, many scary things and seems to fear that the moment one of us has a sexual relationship with someone else (even with barriers) we will contract HIV and DIE. :eek: (No, seriously, one of her thoughts was that only one of us should be sexually involved with others at a time, just in case, because she wouldn't want to leave our yet-to-be-conceived child an orphan.) :p

That said, I fully intend to use barriers until proof of disease-free status is in hand!
 
How safe are condoms, really?

My husband used to be a real ladies man and has had tons of anonymous sex before we got together. He recently told me that he would like the ability to have random sex with women. (I'll leave my psychological concerns about that for another discussion.)

My first thought was the safety issue. I'm just really nervous about him getting something and bringing it home. He said "well I would always use condoms" to which I replied "well, duh. But condoms aren't 100%, they can break, and I'm not sure whether they protect agains warts, and I'm pretty sure they're useless against crabs."

I told him that one of the people on here had a policy that she never slept with anyone until "seeing their papers" and I thought that sounded like a great idea. But obviously impractical for bar pick-ups, etc.

So what's the scoop? I don't have an emotional issue with him having sex with strangers, I'm just worried about the safety factor of one-night-stands, even with condoms.
 
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Well I just got my "papers" but I imagine they'll "expire" before I find someone whom I want to see them. Unless you-know-who wants to make a cameo, but I highly doubt it.
 
I told him that one of the people on here had a policy that she never slept with anyone until "seeing their papers" and I thought that sounded like a great idea. But obviously impractical for bar pick-ups, etc.

So what's the scoop? I don't have an emotional issue with him having sex with strangers, I'm just worried about the safety factor of one-night-stands, even with condoms.


Unfortunately in this day and age, if you want to protect yourself against warts, that usually means "HPV barriers". That means having barriers for *any* intimate skin to skin contact...using gloves and dental dams. And yes, condoms do NOT protect against HPV for two reasons:
  1. Many warts are located where skin would touch skin even with the condom in place.
  2. When HPV is shedding virus cells, they can live on the surface of the condom and be transferred to your hand, another part of the skin that the condom may come in contact with and then transfer again from that location. In other words, it's a VERY tricky virius that spreads easily and can spread with second hand contact.

Since some varieties of HPV are oral, some people even put kissing behind that barrier.

(It should be noted that the vast majority of HPV viri are not permanent and do eventually clear up)

Now, while a lot of fun can be had with gloves, dental dams and some creative uses of lube, unfortunately, the vast majority of people would be picked up at bars probably wouldn't see it that way.

One of the solutions to that is to find a group of like minded people and just hang out with them. There are many crowds of sex-postitive people who like to have play parties but are always aware of and ok with the negotiations that go around HPV barriers and other boundaries that people may want to have in place for safe sex.

But yeah, because of the boundaries I choose (and a great deal of this is out of respect for the boundaries that exist among my sweetie and his other relationships), picking up strangers in a bar just doesn't fit with those boundaries.
 
Harm? Other than your insurance company may not pay for it, none that I'm aware.

Help? Maybe. From all the research I've done, the HPV test is not all telling. It's possible that you've had a strain and naturally cleared it long before you took the test. Remember, many HPV infections go away on their own with little or any harm done.

We've made the decision to get vaccinated and then go about our lives as normal, knowing that there isn't much you can do to prevent the other stains. Something like 25 % of people with active HPV infections have enough on their hands on a day-to-day basis to infect others.
 
The research I did basically told me that they haven't tested the vaccine on anyone over 30, so they don't know how effective it is. Also, the vaccine doesn't protect against very many strains, just the most common ones, so you can still become infected. It seemed more effective to be tested for HPV at your annual exams, if you can convince your doctor to do it.

ETA: I mentioned the testing as a way to watch out for cancer, which is why I did the research in the first place. HPV is transferred from cell to cell, so even condoms are not 100% effective, though they are of limited effectiveness. It seemed nigh on impossible to prevent any exposure to HPV, so the next best thing was to be tested annually. In me, HPV was undetected for at least ten years before it became pre-cancerous.
 
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