Self Esteem & Relationships

rubyslippers

New member
tangerine

i've got tangerine toes now...
thank God there are choices other than red or pink now....
 

rubyslippers

New member
purple

yeah, but purple covers the dark blue bruise when i insert foot in mouth...and bite down...

sorry if i have offended anyone...M
 

Catalyst

New member
How important is self esteem in the creation of healthy, loving relationships?

Very important - without healthy self esteem, I think healthy relationships are nearly impossible. In my experience, when one person has self esteem, or even self confidence, issues, then he or she can sometimes have the tendency to regard the other person in the relationship as the support structure - holding the first person (and by default, the relationship) together in happiness or in sadness. This is often times too much for a relationship to bear, even a healthy one. This is also somewhat co-dependent.

How is self esteem furthered where it is insufficient?

Sometimes, when self esteem is insufficient, it can be furthered by words of kindness from lovers or friends. It can also be furthered by simple actions of those around you. If I am having a bad day, sometimes the smallest comment by my BF of how good my hair looks (completely superficial) can boost my self esteem and get me thinking how things are really not that bad. Or I can just get a hug from a friend for no reason, and I feel like I can face the world more forcefully - I am not alone; my friends and lovers are around me and with me, even when they are not "with" me.

On a scale of 0 -10, with 0 being the least and 10 being the most of healthy self esteem, where is your average placement on the scale over the last year?

7

Has your placement on that scale changed in recent time?

Yes

If yes, why/how do you think it has changed?

I have been in therapy for the past several years - overcoming baggage from my divorce, dealing with my bipolar, and just discussing everyday issues with my family and relationship. Within the last year, I have begun to have "epiphanies" I guess you could call them - I am finally figuring out (at the age of 34) who I really am. No frills, no fancy party bows or decorations, just me. And I am finally beginning to see that it is just right, and just great, and it doesn't need to fit some mold or some preconceived notion of society or the "moral majority" or even people who I though were my friends. It fits me, it is me, and I like who I am and who I have become, and I am comfortable in my own skin. It is pretty awesome. :)

>^^<
 

River

Active member
Now I feel the urge to create a thread dedicated to painted toes. Where's my camera....?

I've never in my life painted my toenails, and you folks are tempting me! Of course, there'd be no point in doing it if I were not to wear sandals and go out in public with my bright toenails, which is a terrifying thought, and probably why it would be good for my soul.

On a related topic, my poor toenails are terribly neglected. I treat them badly, frankly, and they are not looking so good. They're cracked, somewhat and badly pedicured (an understatement). Perhaps it is time to take better care of my toes! Thanks.:)
 

rubyslippers

New member
Now I feel the urge to create a thread dedicated to painted toes. Where's my camera....?

are you kidding? do you really paint your toes crazy colors too?
 

rubyslippers

New member
paintaway!

go on, River, paint your toes! pick a color to match the bright, flowing skirt you will wear...
manicure...pedicure...pawdicure as my dogs do in the morning...all good for the soul
 

River

Active member
Gawd, I'm picturing my faraway Sweetie reading this stuff about me thinking of wearing a sarong/skirt and painting my toenails brightly, and thinking "Oh, but I want a man... not a
girlfriend!"

Don't worry, honey, I'm buying a new chainsaw and taking up American football. ;)
 

rubyslippers

New member
Don't worry, honey, I'm buying a new chainsaw and taking up American football...

when you get the chainsaw, Echo has good ads...but Stihl has the most torque, the longest-lasting chains, and the best overall reliability, which is why most firetrucks carry them...
and Poulan...well...phonetically the name is pretty descriptive...
pullAn pullAn pullAn...still the damn thing won't start
 

rubyslippers

New member
hey man...

hey man...is that boob picture too much?
 

rubyslippers

New member
peace

just peace. Boob gone...bad mix
 

River

Active member
...but Stihl has the most torque, the longest-lasting chains, and the best overall reliability, which is why most firetrucks carry them...

I used a Stihl for years and years back when I heated my house with wood. They're a fine machine. Very well made. Dangerous as hell to use, of course, like all of those damned contraptions, and so I'm glad I was only kidding about the chainsaw and the American football. I'll use a chainsaw if necessary, but am glad I've never had an accident in thousands of hours of their use! And American football? ...BORING!
 

Mohegan

New member
And American football? ...BORING!

I will watch sports if I'm there to see it live. Unless it's the super bowl or hockey. Those I'll watch on TV.


Sorry hijack done

I found an interesting response in myself tonight. Karma and I are hurting financialy. $40 to last 5 weeks. We're trying to get creative on how to bring in some cash and how to make meals from cans and boxes interesting. I had a bit of an emotional break just now.

And I realized that had this happened last year, it would have devistated me. I would have been left feeling like I was a failure and not worth anything. I would have decided Karma wasn't happy with me for failing and he'd want to leave me. I'd pretty much put all the blame for everything, big or small, on my shoulders.

But instead I realized that it's not my fault the job opportunity fell through, it's not my fault that cost of living has risen so high, and I am capable of making it through this. And so is Karma. And together we are a force to be reckoned with.

Having and recognizing my own self worth has made a huge difference in how I dealt with this. Shitty circumstance, yes but it is not a reflection on me and my worth.
 

Phantessa

New member
How important is self esteem in the creation of healthy, loving relationships?
Extremely important. Low self esteem can lead to all sorts of problems from extreme dependency to narcissism.

How is self esteem furthered where it is insufficient?
I think sometimes people have to go back to early childhood and root out the sources of low self esteem and re-embrace areas of success and high self esteem.

On a scale of 0 -10, with 0 being the least and 10 being the most of healthy self esteem, where is your average placement on the scale over the last year?

6

Has your placement on that scale changed in recent time?

It was once a negative number and steadily increases with time.

If yes, why/how do you think it has changed?
Not letting others opinions and thoughts dictate how I feel about myself and recognizing my own personal strengths.

I'm reading a book at the moment on nurturing a child's self esteem since we've got our first child, so I'm interested in this topic. I never realized how much a caregiver's interaction could impact even an infant.
 

redpepper

New member
How important is self esteem in the creation of healthy, loving relationships? How is self esteem furthered where it is insufficient?To me self esteem is essential in building healthy relationships, but healthy relationships are essential in building self esteem. Sometimes faking it until you make it helps I have found.


On a scale of 0 -10, with 0 being the least and 10 being the most of healthy self esteem, where is your average placement on the scale over the last year?

10. My self esteem is great... :) not from lack of work I might add, both on myself and in my relationships.

Has your placement on that scale changed in recent time?
It's always been okay, but plummeted a few times in my life, only to rise back up again with a great deal of work that involves not denying that I have work to do on my self.

If yes, why/how do you think it has changed?Because I have done a lot of brain training around self talk, checking in with people I love and how they see me, noticing who is worth giving my time and energy too and who isn't, noticing who I was taking time and energy from without caring to return some of that back again. Being aware of my body, how it reacts, how situations come into me and how I put them out into the world again.... looking in the mirror at myself and being humbled by my humanness and loving myself for it.

The number one thing that damages my self esteem is other people not having good self esteem and trying to decrease mine by defaming me.
 
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