selling cheating!!!


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What do you make of this????!!!

here is the start of the article....

"Toronto entrepreneur Noel Biderman knows better than anybody that sex sells.

Biderman pulls in "tens of millions" in revenue a year running a dating site called Ashley Madison. You might have seen Biderman's face on American TV shows like CNN, The View, Dr. Phil or The Tyra Banks Show. He's also received extensive media coverage in various large circulation newspapers.

Biderman says:
Why the fuss? Ashley Madison is aimed squarely at helping married people have affairs, complete with an "affair guarantee" that will refund you your money if you don't find someone in the first three months. The guarantee package costs $249 to purchase. Users can browse for free but must purchase credits to initiate a live chat, for example.

It's an objective that has, not surprisingly, generated a
firestorm of moral indignation.

It's also generated in the order of 4.6 million users worldwide, a depressingly dark statistic that underscores other statistics, such as the one that more than 50 per cent of men and women admit to cheating within a relationship at least once."


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The sad thing is people would probably be even more outraged by a poly dating sight because it is commonly seen that people having affairs are at least trying to be faithful. Knowingly having someone outside of a marraige presses a button deep inside people.
My parents were less phased by my 17 year marraige falling apart as a result of me cheating than they are of my poly relationship. They understand and know affairs but being a married woman's boyfriend when her husband knows is just too strange. They are more comfortable talking about my affair....strange isn't it?


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what are we all bothering for if this is going on.... oh ya! because it is more deep, long lasting, more responsible, doesn't cost as much and doesn't make someone else money! :mad:


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Why Cheating vice Poly??

I've had an affair in the past and am now in a poly relationship. So here is my theory on why people chose the hidden path as opposed to the open path. This theory is based on experience.

Why would people decide to cheat instead of have a poly relationship?

1) - its way easier. Communication and understanding is strictly between the two people involved.

2) - It has the added excitement of "getting away with something". Who hasn't done something because there was a thrill in it being wrong or enjoyed keeping a secret.

3) - It is a self limiting entity. The functions of the relationship are very limited. "I can't come over and mow your yard because your husband will kick me ass but we can meet somewhere and fuck!"

4) - they can be emotionally limited so you don't have to commit beyond your own needs. "It's not that I just want to fuck you, but really we have our families to think about. I don't want you to lose everything."

5) - it can come and go without impacting a family or social network. There are a lot of affairs that happen without anyone knowing about them.

6) - there is a belief that the participants are at least trying to be faithful or shield their partner from the information that they are not adequate in all areas.

7) - they can be terminated with less effort because "what we are doing is wrong"

8) - your parents will probably never know

Why would someone want poly vice cheating?

1) - Poly encourages you to grow as a person where affairs make you digress into irresponsibility and self denial of reality.

2) - Poly acknowledges and addresses the pain and emotions of your partner where affairs play people for fools; this is probably the greatest source of pain for those betrayed.

3) - It has the potential to become a fulfilling dynamic that widens family structures and generate more support and love for everyone involved. Affairs have a tendency to destroy families and severely damage everyone involved from spouses to children.

4) - It can set a positive example of communication and understanding for people around you.

5) - Poly relationships can increase love for everyone involved; affairs take something away from people whether they know it or not.

6) - You can be free to openly proclaim love to people around you. Affairs can become logistically exhausting and brutally stressful.

7) - Poly relationships can end with friendships and deep connections intact. Affairs usually end with total severance of ties and anything positive gets lost.

8) - Once your parents realize everyone is ok, they can often accept and be comfortable with the dynamic. Most parents would probably have a hard time hanging out with the person you are having an affair with…of course they probably wouldn't know.

Want it mathematically?

Affairs = short term gain, long term pain

Poly = short term pain, long term gain

Unfortunately I am a person who seems to need to learn by experiencing consequences. I have experienced a lot of consequences in my life; enough to know who I am in a way I never have before and I am no longer a boy in a man's clothes. I have lost what most would define as "everything". I have no excuse to repeat mistakes I made in the past. No excuse…full fucking stop. Any repeat of previously learned lessons is not because "it just happened". The repeat of negative things I have done would indicate an ill person. I am healthier than I have ever been.

Peace and love
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Oh baby, I love you. I hope you feel so proud because you have worked so hard to get here. I am honored to be by your side.

I would say a viable alternative to cheating, if someone just wants sex, is to have an open relationship. Not that its not fraught with issues itself, but to me it is at least respectful and honest. Hopefully undamaging too it the people one fucks are also open and not cheating. Otherwise, its still cheating.


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I wonder how this guy is doing now that the news has reported about this story? Less or more business? My bet is on more.


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Sadly I think I agree. Its all part of the "now," and "mine" culture thing that is going on today. Rather than the "ours" and time we used to have in North America. I swear we suffer from that daily in the form of road rage, getting rear ended by cars, etc.


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RP this is absolutely disgusting, what this guy is doing.... I had no idea some service like this was out there, but why doesn't it surprise us that some businessman has figured out another way to make some money? Isn't this just some way to legitimize a pimp?

Can you imagine what dregs those 4.6 million users must be? Oh yeah, the same kind of pigs that go looking for hookers in alley ways........

Mono, I like your way of thinking and your points very much.....I'll make sure my wife gets to read that page. RP, the moral indigination would most assuredly be pointed at us polys, because we would dare proclaim our consensual loves in public, rather than committing affairs behind closed screwed up is that?


They've been running TV ads nationwide for a couple of months now.

And while it may be tempting to write off the clients as scumbags dregs, pigs and whatnot, I think you'd find that a great deal of the people who use it are just regular people who are just making bad choices. And a great deal of those choices are increasingly being informed by a mass media that encourages them, much in the same way the media encourages women to hate their bodies and kids to measure their worth by the clothes and the video games they own.

Generally I reserve my indignation for the machines that perpetuate that stuff, rather than the people caught up in it. Not that I excuse lying or cheating, but my indignation would have little to do with the consequences they would face from their actions.


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my indignation is for the people that perpetuate the machine. Sometimes those are the ones that are a part of it.... it all comes around unfortunately. All I can do is be an example of an alternative (which is to think for myself) and teach my child to think for himself.

Are you serious! there are ads!??


Here's an example of an ad. A lot of their ads are actually targeting women too, which I find to be inherently disempowering. Basically it's selling that the woman is trapped and the only way she'll be able to meet her needs is by cheating (rather than standing on her own and communicating, etc.). But it also highlights that many people who cheat are not necessarily trying to be poly without taking responsibility for it. Many people cheat because they are monogamous with the wrong person. It's just a shame that this ad suggests that leaving a bad relationship isn't an alternative.


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I read this story too. I wonder if this guy ever questions himself. Hmmm.

What I really wanted to comment on was that wonderful comparison list. I am in the place of wanting to grow into a love that has been long-standing (if unrealized) with an old "friend" while maintaining the love I have for my husband. I didn't want to have "an affair" for particularly the reason that I want both to be long-term (all the while knowing that there is no knowing the future). I am also in the ironic position of loving two guys who have both been cheated on in the past (probably an important reason why I prefer to try to do this openly). The odd thing is I know I could sneak around - but I wouldn't want to because these loves mean too much to me.


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Now - isn't that backwards logic?!

It is..but I have told my parents about having an affair and having a poly relationship. Their response spoke volumes of the inability to understand poly but their acceptance that people have affairs.


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i had similar issue with my parents, my mum has had an affair in the past, and now married to the man she had an affair with,
i am constantly callanged by her on my poly lifestyle, that i choose to be open about with her through respect,
but when i spoke to her about cheating years ago she was very understanding and accepting of it, it kind of infuriates me because i want her to see what i see that this is a far better way to conduct myself than lying and cheating but i dont' think she ever really will understand.