Sex - Random Questions

[River]

Since we don't have a sub-forum on sex here (which I think we should), I put this in "Fireplace". The concept for this thread is that we can each ask our own questions on any topics around sex and sexuality. "Topic drift" is welcome here. So is staying on topic for a while.

 

[River]

I met a woman online recently and we've been exchanging emails in which some pretty intimate details of our lives have been shared. We'll be meeting face to face soon, which is cool.

She may find and read this thread, as I told her about this forum and she's been reading my "blog" here. She's new here, so pardon me a moment as I cue her in that ... No, I'll not use your real name or any identifying information about you here. This is how we do things here. We respect folks' privacy by not disclosing identifying details or real names.

She shared something quite interesting with me. She said she finds gay male porn exciting to watch. (I don't remember her exact words at the moment, but she said it turns her on, to paraphrase.) She also shared a fantasy: seeing real, live gay male sex.

I could not help wondering if the phenomenon of women getting turned on by gay male sex is at all common. Or very uncommon.

I'd be especially interested in what the women here have to say on this topic. But anyone can chime in as they like. The topic isn't porn, per se, but whether many women are turned on by seeing or fantasizing about gay men having sex together.

Clearly a lot of men enjoy watching lesbians get it on. I wonder if any statistics exist on this anywhere? Hmm.

 

[Spork]

I thought that I didn't like it, but I was kind of wrong...it's just that many of the guys I've seen in gay adult videos were not particularly my idea of attractive. They were...a smidge too feminine, not that much aggressive male energy going on. Then I watched John Barrowman on Doctor Who and Torchwood, especially his TW exploits with other dudes...OMG YUMMY.

So finding the people attractive is part of it.

I also don't really love your typical porn. I like semi-erotic love scenes in mainstream films better, where it's more animal and less mechanical. Where they're not just showing sex, per se, they're showing passion.

You know, now that I think about it. That's kind of a big deal. (I'm drifting a bit.) The last guy I was crazy about and wanted sex from almost desperately, had a very high-body-contact and passionate style. He made lots of noise, he laid biting kisses on my arm and my hand, he talked dirty. Most of my lovers either never do that sort of thing to begin with, or wind up abandoning "passionate" behaviors pretty quick in favor of more mechanical "porno sex." Maybe that's why my interest in it wanes as the NRE does. Hm. Interesting train of thought to explore.

 

[Confused]

I think it's probably really common. It doesn't strike me as any more unusual than men being aroused by lesbian scenes.

 

[Evie]

The first porno I ever watched had mm and ff scenes. I found the ff ones far more arousing. I was surprised. In hindsight, I suspect that it was simply because I could identify with the 'characters' more. If I can find a way to identify with one of the guys, I can enjoy mm erotic literature, but I've not since watched mm porn.

 

[opalescent]

I know a few straight and bi women who write men on men erotic stories. And their audience is mostly other women. It's quite the thing apparently.

 

[FallenAngelina]

Gay male porn doesn't do a thing for me.

 

[kdt26417]

Re (from River):

"Clearly a lot of men enjoy watching lesbians get it on."

Nah, not my cup of tea. Not that I should speak for other men, although I wonder if porn trends ever shape popular interests rather than the other way around.

 

[nycindie]

I've always thought it was quite uncommon for straight women to be into gay male porn, from what I've read and conversations with people I've known. I am straight and find it a major turn-off, but porn isn't really my thing. I get bored with any kind of porn very quickly. Also, I'm not attracted to gay guys, in general, and wouldn't enjoy visualizing or fantasizing about two men having sex together. I've tried; it does nothing for me. From discussions I've read here, gay male porn seems more of a turn-on for bi women, gender-fluid individuals, and those women who find effeminate men attractive.

 

[KC43]

I don`t know about gay porn, but in my other life, I wrote male/male romance novels. The vast majority of my readers were straight women, closely followed by gay men and lesbians. The women I asked about it said either that it was the same concept as straight men enjoying two women together or that they liked reading about men who weren't afraid to show their feelings.

Personally, the appeal for me of the novels, both as a reader and a writer, is that i get along better with guys than women and find guys easier to understand. With the writing, I also found it easier to write gay sex scenes than straight ones because of my issues about sex. Writing two (or more) men having sex was easier because I'm not one.

 

[River]

What a fascinating read, here! And surprising. I love it.

 

[NortheastPoly]

Since some are talking about porn, I'll share a little about our porn watching habits...

I can't remember the first porn I watched, because it was so many years ago in the 80s, but I still enjoy it and we watch porn a few times a month. The first porno Chris ever saw was Nurse Nancy, which I never heard of before until I met him. It's not the best porno (He'll even admit it's not the best.), but it has sentimental value for him. Amanda's first porno she watched was one of the Swedish Erotica ones, but she doesn't remember which one.

While we will watch porn to set a mood (Mainly compilations.), there are times we will watch a porn for the silliness of the story line. There are some that are ridiculously bad story wise, we are rolling with laughter, especially when they are trying to act and take it so seriously.

As far as what types of porn we watch, it varies at times. It all depends on what we are in the mood for.

We also still like watching porn with VHS and DVDs.

 

[Spork]

Talk about ridiculous porn, probably one of the silliest I ever saw was "Super Hornio Brothers." No one would have a hard time guessing who played "Hornio."

In other news of gay male erotic "soft porn" that I like, there is talk of another season of Torchwood...which shocks me because I thought that the last season was a sledgehammer to the brain of that show, I didn't really think they'd ever come back from that. Honestly though I didn't care for either of the last two seasons, "Children of Earth" or "Miracle Day" because they got so dark and killed off a lot of good characters...but supposedly they are going to somehow bring back Ianto, so we'll have some lovely hot boy/boy snogging going on, I am sure.

Along the lines of porn, I have absolutely no need whatsoever of any outside cues or content to take care of my own self when I'm "making love alone." The stuff in my head will always be better. But I'm noting with some interest a shift in my attitudes about my own sexual fantasy material. It went from seriously locked down to the point where I absolutely couldn't and wouldn't talk about it to anyone, and NO WAY did I want to make any of it reality (nope-nope-nope!!) to being slightly more willing or interested in nudging that discomfort and talking about it a little with my lovers...to having a slight but growing spark of thought about actually trying some of it. I reckon this has everything to do with feeling safe in these explorations, and the people I now share my life and my love with.

 

[kdt26417]

I think it was in/around 2010 that I was interested in porn. But I didn't want to tell anyone. Since then my interest has gone downhill. Nowadays I wonder if I should delete the short porn clips I had saved to my hard drive. (Get it ... *hard* drive ...)

 

[River]

Okay, I have another sex-related question. This time I'm wondering what folks here would guess about the proportion of what may be called "organized poly" folks which are also "organized kink" folks.

It could also be answered outside of the "organized" modifier.

"Organized" here means that folks attend organized gatherings, conferences, groups, even perhaps web forums... etc. It's really that simple.

Not everyone involved with poly or kink is "organized" in this way.

I often feel almost (slightly, barely) like a minority as a "vanilla" guy in the "organized" poly world. I know there are lots and lots of "vanilla" folk in the poly world (organized or otherwise), but it does seem that the BDSM folks are quite common in the poly world -- moreso, it seems, than in the population at large.

 

[Spork]

Well, I'm both "organized" poly and kink...as in, a member of both communities and socially active in both worlds. But I have a lot more in-person opportunities for socializing with kinky folk than poly folk and I tend to be more comfortable in the kink community than in some communities that are poly-ish...as in, Swingers. I don't do the swinger thing. I like multiple relationships, but getting it on with randos ain't my thing. And doing sex stuff in public settings isn't really my thing either...I'm thrilled to be an exhibitionist for BDSM stuff, but that to me (particularly public scening) is not at all sexual.

I like being naked around people. I like feeling safe doing that. I could probably be a happy nudist, at least in limited activities like retreats and specific locations.

But I'm sure that there's a ton of crossover between poly and kink, largely because both spheres include those who are willing to accept and explore things that are outside of cultural norms not just sexually but in terms of love and relationship structures. And there are tons of poly configurations that come about because a couple loves each other, but don't necessarily share each other's kinks.

Tonight is the poly discussion group at Voodoo (my local BDSM club/alt community center) and I've found that if nothing else because of the venue, almost all of the attendees are in power exchange relationships.

 

[opalescent]

There are some communities that do overlap significantly. Personally I find that poly, kinky, gamers and pagan circles are very interwoven. People who are fluid in sexuality and/or gender are also often commonly woven in too. I also find that these identities - not solely a community - are often overlapping as well. Of course, one can identify with any of these without any of the others. It might be that people in these communities may be more 'organized' to use River's term in that they go to events, classes, participate in forums, parties, rituals, so they appear to be interwoven more than their actual numbers. The numbers of people experimenting with kink is way more than the people who are active in any given kink community. Ditto with poly or pagan. (I don't think gamers have the same dynamic here but could be wrong.)

So, lt:dr, seems to be much overlap but who knows for sure?

 

[Spork]

There are some communities that do overlap significantly. Personally I find that poly, kinky, gamers and pagan circles are very interwoven. People who are fluid in sexuality and/or gender are also often commonly woven in too. I also find that these identities - not solely a community - are often overlapping as well. Of course, one can identify with any of these without any of the others. It might be that people in these communities may be more 'organized' to use River's term in that they go to events, classes, participate in forums, parties, rituals, so they appear to be interwoven more than their actual numbers. The numbers of people experimenting with kink is way more than the people who are active in any given kink community. Ditto with poly or pagan. (I don't think gamers have the same dynamic here but could be wrong.)

So, lt:dr, seems to be much overlap but who knows for sure?

RE-Gamers...you've got the computer/console gamers, who are often isolated in their homes, but some go to stuff like conventions...then there are the tabletop gamers, who of course congregate, but some in small groups, some in bigger communities...then there are the LARPers and the reenactors and Renn Fest'ers etc. They are probably the most outgoing and "organized" of them all.

Definitely most of the people I've met in the kink scene are those who identify outside of the mainstream, whether that means they are D&D nerds or sci fi geeks or goths or trans-folk, pagans and athiests, etc. Whitebread, country club Christian surbanites, your equivalent of the high school "popular kids" (jocks/cheerleaders) would be the tiniest of tiny minorities.

I was also surprised how much overlap there is with OK Cupid and fetlife and poly...I think OKC is probably the most popular of the mainstream dating sites for the kinky/poly people I know. I find that strange because I always used to hear that POF is where the weirdos are. I never signed up there, so I don't know...

 

[Magdlyn]

I've always thought it was quite uncommon for straight women to be into gay male porn, from what I've read and conversations with people I've known.

I think younger women, straight or otherwise, are more into MM porn because of the popularity of anime/manga "yaoi." I know my daughters, now 28 and 30 (one straight, one gay), were into it somewhat back in their late teens. You could Google yaoi. I also watched a South Park again recently that had a yaoi theme, and all the girls thought yaoi was SO adorable. It is the "men having feels" aspect, as well as the sex.

I am straight and find it a major turn-off, but porn isn't really my thing. I get bored with any kind of porn very quickly. Also, I'm not attracted to gay guys, in general, and wouldn't enjoy visualizing or fantasizing about two men having sex together. I've tried; it does nothing for me. From discussions I've read here, gay male porn seems more of a turn-on for bi women, gender-fluid individuals, and those women who find effeminate men attractive.

May I just point out that not all gay men are "effeminate?" Many gay men are just as masculine as any straight guy, and in fact, some gay men prefer "rough trade," or "bears," hairy, muscular, and/or full figured men.

I won't bother saying whether I like MM porn, since River has me on ignore.

 

[icesong]

I admit I'm pretty much a cliché on that front - poly, kinky (and do socialize with organized groups on both fronts), SCAdian, and a lot of the poly meetups around here tend to be organized around tabletop gaming. So pretty much all of the above except pagan.

It's not really surprising, honestly - reject social norms in one axis, you're more likely to on other axes, I think.

That said, I don't know that many completely vanilla poly folks (but then there are those who would argue the fact that they're poly makes them intrinsically not vanilla).


Oh, and as for MM porn? Usually my preferred genre, if only because it strikes me as more real and less exploitative... though I did get there not from yaoi but slash pics...