Sharing sex toys. Yes, No, some?

O

Orlandobif

Member
I own a good number of sex toys and nearly all were bought for my pleasure with my spouse. In considering sex with other partners I want to use the toys but I wanted to make sure I would not do so over the objection of my spouse. A pause is an objection as compared to yes. I do not want to use anything that will cause my spouse to avoid them and yet I do not wish to spend much money replacing them. We discussed cleanliness and what could be washed and what was possibly reserved or special but it feels an incomplete discussion.

What is your disposition on such things?
 
We share rope and other toys with not much worries.
I'm very weary when it comes to sharing vaginal toys and I'm not sure what hygiene is required; we do share one where I hope that desinfection and washing with soap water is good enough to prevent any transfer of trouble (good enough for yeast or something like that, not sure about viruses though).
 
So long as I've cleaned them before then yes.
 
My toys get used with people of my choice. Hubby's and Boy's toys are used with whomever they choose.

If using joint money to purchase something, we discuss which category it falls under.
 
I have separate toys for each relationship. Ones that me and CJ bought together and they are only used with him, and the same with Mark. I don't like the idea of sharing at all - even my own toys with the "wrong" guy. Nothing to do with hygiene :) Obviously I would not agree to sharing toys with any outside partners. Whips and ropes and such can be discussed, though.
 
Most of my toys are the kink variety rather than insertable, so they feel less personal. That said, I don't mind even those being shared as long as they get a condom and/or are disinfectable. (We have a spray on cleaner that works really well - got it at adam and eve.)
 
If covered by condoms, I will use insertables (dildoes, anal toys, vibrators) with various partners. I just throw away toys that were dedicated to use (that means no condom) with a specific person when those relationships ended.

Toys with less exposure to fluids I clean between using with partners. That's mostly my kink toys.
 
I'm not into toys, not sure whether I'd share them if I were into them.
 
The virus issue may be real. Bacteria and fungi are likely to be removed with soap and water, disinfectant may help too. Viruses? I dunno. The puny things are so small and so hard to kill since they're not really alive anyway. They can probably survive the vacuum of space. Hell, our spaceships that land on other planets, injecting their spaceship-pincers into the planet's crust for samples, probably end up contaminating the planet with earth viruses and kick starting evolution for the planet. We should come back in a few billion years and say "Hi! Who's your daddy?"

But yeah, viruses and sex toys... you probably do end up sharing more than love. ;)
 
Eh, kissing is a viral vector too and most people kiss. The flu or the stomach bug can considered STIs. I know I've gotten both from sexual partners. I have never ever heard anyone kiss with a barrier (except maybe as a performance art).

That said, I do clean my knives (which I use in kink play) with Cavicide, a hospital grade disinfectant that kills everything.
 
The various strands of HPV are my only issue here, since none of us has been tested for those, but it's hard to avoid these anyway.
 
@ Tinwen. There is a HPV vaccine effective against 9 strains now. You could buy it offlabel. If you're already infected with 6 of the 9 strains then the vaccine will do nothing for 6 strains, but will protect you against the remaining 3. If your metamour does the same but was infected with 4 strains, she would then be immune to an additional 5. Together, the two of you would not get infected with any new strains out of these 9, but will likely retain your initial infections. The males in your polycule could do the same to prevent anal-genital warts if that is a concern for them, otherwise there is likely no benefit. Protection offered by the vaccine is thought to be lifelong but I'm not sure how the scientists know that.
 
I am so not into sharing toys! Each of my husbands and I have separate toys. I have had boyfriends approach me and want to use existing toys that they used with their ex, but that just squicks me out. I think buying toys together is a fun activity. Yes it can be expensive, but you don't necessarily have to buy a ton right up front. Even restraints, I think, would be a little weird.
 
Any toys I use involve kink. Impact toys, restraints, etc are universal. Insertion toys are single person use. I find that most women own their own toys. If they don't own what I want to use I will either buy it for them or have them buy it. It doesn't bother me if those toys are used by them with someone else.

Also, if I use an impact toy on someone and draw blood, I will gift it to them. Leather can't be sterilized. Most materials that make up insertion toys can be.

For what it's worth, most viruses and bacteria that cause STIs can't live outside the body for very long.
 
I've long been baffled at how people will happily suck on each other's genitalia (or anuses), yet go all queasy when even thinking about (on a trip or unexpected overnight) sharing a clean-looking toothbrush. :eek:

That in mind, let's set aside all the threadbare heard-it-a-thousand-times-thus-far platitudes about hygeine or cleanliness or sanitation or VD or STIs or "safety" or fluid bonding or whatever term the Cool Kids are using THIS week.

Besides, I actually read the part where the OP said Nothing to do with hygiene.

;)

If someone gifted me a really cool thingie, with intent that WE use it together, then when/if I use it with someone else, when the gifter is not present, I am diluting the bond expressed by the gift, & risk devaluing that person.

Metal & bits of rock hold an oddly high place in the Romance of our culture. When someone gives you a nice piece of jewelry -- nothing insanely expensive, maybe onyx in sterling or something -- would you soon gift it to someone else you cared about? It's YOURS, after all. Would that please the original gifter? How would it make the new recipient feel, deserving only of second-hand (or community) goods?
 
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I do not share toys between sex partners, or even nightgowns or lingerie. I didn't even tell some about the sex toys I had or showed them.

Some are just mine too, that aren't shared with even lovers. I'm kind of..compartmentalised that way with hygiene and privacy.

I have used some of ONE bdsm play partners restraints/kink items and that's what made me realise I never wanted to share. This persons hygiene left much to be desired. I passed on insertable toys with them.
 
We ask before using each other's personal toys. Some things feel more personal than others.

So far, Henry has said if the toy can be put in a condom or is glass/metal, no problem.

Toys that are considered joint toys are fine to share as long as they get cleaned properly.

He has not borrowed any of mine yet since he isn't seeing anyone else. I have one or two I would prefer not to share but most things that can be properly sanitized, no problem.

Oops- didn't notice this was so old. My mistake.
 
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