Should they stay or should they go now


Active member
When I was involved with a married poly woman, one of her and the Husband's rules was no sleepovers at all.

This is something I accepted, but over time grew to dislike. The only time she would stay over was if he was out of town. But even then I don't think she brought it up to him. She would tell him she was staying at a friend's or a cousin's place.

There were a couple of instances where she went home past 'curfew'. I would later find out that it was a big source of their arguments.

I had a talk with the Wife and said that if it's something they both agreed to, then they should honor the agreement. If she wanted to sleepover with me, then she should discuss changing the terms.

Eventually our relationship ended on a bad note. Maybe in part by me. But also because she failed to communicate with her Husband.
This was very much my experience. XBF told me our relationship would be exactly like any other, short of the fact we couldn't marry. In truth, he could never promise that because he was fully committed to putting his wife first, to protecting and defending her. That's commendable but then she started playing games with me--trying to force me to have a 'date' with her in the house or prevent me being alone with him, after she'd already tried twice to walk in on us in the act.

He denied any of it was happening. It became clear that treating two people 100% equally only works if everyone is perfect and onboard and has the same exact wishes and desires. Or if he was willing to call her out on her games, which he wasn't and I think most spouses aren't.

Or if they do, then the marriage becomes rocky. There have been plenty of divorces on this forum for that reason.