Silence, Music, Mystery and Love. A user's guide to becoming awesome.

YODA: Careful you must be when sensing the future, Anakin. The fear of loss is a path to the dark side.

ANAKIN: I won’t let my visions come true, Master Yoda.

YODA: Rejoice for those around you who transform into the Force. Mourn them, do not. Miss them, do not. Attachment leads to jealousy. The shadow of greed, that is.

ANAKIN: What must I do, Master?

YODA: Train yourself to let go of everything you fear to lose.
Full disclosure

I feel really fucking lost and unable to cope with the jealousy I feel. If things continue this way... they can't continue this way. Not even one more day. Our six year anniversary is days away and I'm inches from moving out to get myself away from this situation. RC is as exhausted by all this as I am. All we ever seem to talk about is how horrible I feel at the thought of her with Charlie. I have felt like this forum, the one bastion of free speech we have in this crazy entanglement, is off limits to really say what I really feel. None of my resources, not my friends, not you lovely people, not my wife, not my therapist.... no one has been able to steer me in a direction that brings a lasting peace to my heart. I've done the diving. I've felt my feelings fully. I've done so much fucking work, but here I am. Paralyzed by it. Unable to love or feel loved. Unable to choose whether to stay or go. Devastated by the fact that I'm even considering going. Alone. Is there even a single soul out there who knows what this feels like? To feel like I've created my own demise? Encouraged my own fears to become reality? Fuck. I am not nearing the end of my rope. I'm there.
There is no place dark enough for you to not see the friends who love you my friend. There is also no defeat to be found at the base of tremendous work. Regardless of all the external things that storm around you, your light as a true man will never be extinguished. You are your own pillar; the foundation of your strength resides in you. You need to be trust that there is happiness ahead in the face of change. Nothing is lost because everything you need is right where you are...within the radiant person that I call friend.
I am always here as is our family. You are never without support.
Peace and love my friend
Not from Mono this time...from my true name
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My intuition says there is a deep wound in your heart that is not about the immediate situation at all, and that if you will bring the simplest, plainest, affection and tenderness to yourself precisely where that wound is that you will be liberated from it forever. That you say you cannot take it even a day longer means the time is ripe for you to love in yourself something that desperately needs it.

I have UTTER faith in your imminent victory. And I am utterly there with you, offering metta.
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So much support. Thank you all for your outstretched hands, hearts and encouraging words. We are on the precipice of something here. Something big.
Always here to bounce things off of. I don't know how useful that has been, but at least its another perspective. Stay true to yourself, that is the best and only path to your truth, however it seem to hurt and derail others. At least that is what I have learned. :)