Something is bugging me about Sweet Lady

Emmy37

New member
Ok so there is a way that things have been worded that's been eating at me. I don't know if I'm just being overly sensitive or if there really is something to it like my intuition is telling me. She told her kids (all teens) about her relationship with Bud but not with me. She approached it in a way that sent off alarm bells for me. She asked her kids what they would think if she was dating Bud. This is after they've spent a good deal of time getting to know us and our kids, dinners together etc. Her kids response was "He's married mom." To which she responded with "Well Emmy is ok with it."

Am I reading too much into it to feel as if she is tolerating me in order to be with Bud? She spends a lot of time with me. We hug, snuggle, talk etc. but when we're all in bed together she ends up turning toward Bud to sleep most of the time. I've been sexual with her, she doesn't give back as much though. She touches me but that's it and it's all above the waistline.
 

WhatToDo

New member
Perhaps she just sees herself as in a relationship with Bud and you just come along with him? Would you have a problem if that was the case?
 

LovelyLady

New member
Perhaps she wants to feel the kids out before she reveals all of the details for fear of overwhelming them? Maybe she feels that dating a married man would be easier for them to accept than dating another woman and her husband and she plans to ease them into the fold? Or maybe it's as you think. If it's that important to you, you'll need to ask her to be certain.
 

kdt26417

Official Greeter
Staff member
Re (from Emmy37):
"Re (from WhatToDo):
'Perhaps she just sees herself as in a relationship with Bud and you just come along with him? Would you have a problem if that was the case?'
Bud would but I wouldn't."

Well in that case, that's a matter between her and Bud.

From your OP, I mostly sensed that Sweet Lady's struggling with how to come out to her kids and is doing it awkwardly. As for her sexual relationship with you, I'm guessing the best way to get to the bottom of it is to have a talk with her about it. Mention the limitations you've observed between you and her in the bedroom and ask her how she'd feel about doing more. Maybe she's just nervous?

Re: how people position themselves when they go to sleep ... often reveals very little about their relationship with each other, in my experience. For instance when my two poly companions sleep together, they don't physically touch at all. Yet they're the two in our three-person group who are legally married to each other. The husband just doesn't like to be touched when he's asleep, it's a quirk he has.

As a second example, the wife doesn't sleep with me at all these days ... not because she doesn't want to but because my snoring is too loud. Yet she and I have a romantic and sexual relationship.

I realize you're adding up many "little" things and the sum appears to be a big thing. And your intuition is probably more in tune than mine is, after all you're the one who's in the situation. But don't be 100% certain until you've had some heart-to-hearts and confirmed what's going on.

At least that's my recommendation.
Regards,
Kevin T.
 

Emmy37

New member
They are upstairs having alone time tonight. Sweet Lady wanted it. I'm feeling like I'm not cut out for this poly thing. I feel so sad right now. It's hard to even put into words. I have to work in the morning and I know I won't sleep all night. This sucks. But it is who Bud is so if I want to be with him I have to accept all of him, including this part of him.
 

LovingRadiance

Active member
To be perfectly honest-you need to talk to her about any concerns you have about her and her feelings for you.
We can all guess-but it's not even educated guessing-it's guessing in the dark. Because none of us has enough information to make an educated guess.

It could be that you are reading too much into it or a million (literally) other possible things.
 

GalaGirl

Well-known member
Am I reading too much into it to feel as if she is tolerating me in order to be with Bud?

Sounds like you could talk to Sweet Lady and ask for reassurance that she is not merely tolerating you to be with Bud.

They are upstairs having alone time tonight. Sweet Lady wanted it. I'm feeling like I'm not cut out for this poly thing. I feel so sad right now. It's hard to even put into words.

I note you use FEEL where I would use the word THINK.

If you think you are not cut out for polyshipping because they are having alone time and you feel sad and left out and not reassured... ask to talk to Sweet Lady about it to clear things up soon. Rather than dwell and what if this, take constructive steps instead. Neither one of your partners is a mind reader.

If this naturally wants to be more like a V with Bud as the hinge and you and her friends, talk it out rather than wonder.

Galagirl
 
Last edited:

Inyourendo

New member
They are upstairs having alone time tonight. Sweet Lady wanted it. I'm feeling like I'm not cut out for this poly thing. I feel so sad right now. It's hard to even put into words. I have to work in the morning and I know I won't sleep all night. This sucks. But it is who Bud is so if I want to be with him I have to accept all of him, including this part of him.

Do you and her have alone time as well?
 

LoveBunny

Active member
It is quite possible that SweetL is more romantically/sexually inclined toward the male of the triad. It's unrealistic to expect that attraction will always be equal in all ways between the three parties involved in a triad. In my longest triad (nearly 2 years together) I was in love with one partner, while my partner's partner was more of a friend-with-benefits to me.

So what will Bud do? Break it off with SweetLady if she isn't in love with his wife too? That's a lot to ask of a person, that she must fall in love equally with both husband and wife.

And she might love you just fine, if not in that romantic, sexual way. It sounds like she enjoys spending time with you shopping, talking. Would that be enough for you, or are you free to pursue a girl/boyfriend of your own if you looking for a more passionate, sexual love?
 
Last edited:

Dagferi

Well-known member
In my honest blunt opinion Sweet Lady doesn't want a romantic relationship with you. She wants Bud.
 

Magdlyn

Moderator
Staff member
In my honest blunt opinion Sweet Lady doesn't want a romantic relationship with you. She wants Bud.

That seems obvious, doesn't it? Bud/Master wants his 2 women/subs to desire each other sexually, but here we just have a classic case of unicorn hunting, trying to fit new woman into the box of "having" to love and desire both members of a married couple equally. But she doesn't.

So, now what? Sounds like a V is developing. Masters might like their power, but they can't force people to feel things, even if they have the right to force people to do things... at their own peril.
 

kdt26417

Official Greeter
Staff member
Will there be times when Bud spends the night with just you, and Sweet Lady has to spend the night alone? How do you feel about that?
 

icesong

Moderator
Staff member
One other thing I could point out about "threesome" dynamics, which may or may not be applicable to you and Sweet Lady. I'm bi, but I don't have a huge amount of experience with women and probably 80% of it has been in the context of threesomes/moresomes - and in comparison with how much MF sex I've had it's obviously WAY way less. So quite frankly I'm a bit... insecure, unsure of myself, when it comes to sexytime with women. This can and has led to exactly the dynamic you describe within a threesome - lots of making out, less, um, below the belt action and the male ending up taking over for the rest.

It wasn't that I wasn't attracted to my female partner, just... felt like being back in high school again.

I'd press more for alone time with her, personally, or at least try and get a better answer on why she didn't want that.
 

Inyourendo

New member
Only for things like shopping or talking during the day. She refuses it at night.

Yeah sounds like a V. She'll make out with you/cuddle but she won't have sex ith you, wont spend romantic alomw time, wont acknowlwdge you as a romantic partner. This is not what I would consider a triad
 

PolyinPractice

New member
She's probably afraid you'll kick her out if she admits the truth. You say it's only Bud that has a problem, but your words say otherwise. Clearly, you don't like this new dynamic. And why would he not like it? He gets you and her? I can see him being afraid of too much pressure on him. But so long as Sweet Lady understands he can give her the same amount of time he always has-- regardless of whether SHE chooses to be mono-- he shouldn't have any issues.

And both you and she may need to look elsewhere for romantic partners, if the triad isn't working out.
 

epiphany

New member
I'm feeling like I'm not cut out for this poly thing. I feel so sad right now. It's hard to even put into words. I have to work in the morning and I know I won't sleep all night.

i can relate... i have had so many nights like that and my Master isn't even going past second base with His slave yet...she is bi but she and i just have zero chemistry ... i hope it gets easier... i almost lost it a few days ago when T/they were out of town overnight...

Emotions...i wish mine would do what i want them too! i wish this wasn't so damn hard to let Him go and welcome Him back but it sucks and i hate it! i hate how it makes me feel powerless and so damn alone

not sure what tomorrow brings but i am trying and hoping... So many people are making it work even mono/poly...
 

Emmy37

New member
Now I'm even more confused. I need to get Sweet Lady alone and figure out what in the world is going on. I prepared myself not to be involved first and that was fine. When Bud started seeing her I wasn't in on any of the conversations at all. I sent her a text message to talk to her after she told Bud to give me her number. This was without prompting from Bud. She did that on her own.

Then had it thrown at me that they wanted me involved so I had to adjust mentally to that.

Next was the stuff in this thread.

Now today I come home to roses left for me by Sweet Lady with a note for me.

I'm not good at this reading between the lines stuff. You have to be pretty blunt with me. I was trying not to make her feel put on the spot but I think I have to if I want any kind of straight answer.

Maybe she's also struggling with trying to find her place in all of this too and isn't sure how to proceed or what to do? I'm telling ya life needs to come with a damn instruction manual.
 
Top