Would you be willing to share some of these?
You probably need a bit of background. When I was much younger I used to get insanely jealous over Angel just over simple nights out or work events. But overtime I got over that. I also suffer from an anxiety disorder that is now well managed. So my methods for dealing with when Angel is away come from both new experiences in polyamory and what I have learned over jealously and anxiety in the past.
So this is my strategy.
1. In my bedside cabinet and in each of my “man bags” I have a little emergency checklist that tells all that is good about Angel, about Angel and Wolf's relationship and all that is bad about jealousy, when I feel the need I read it.
2. I always have my tablet with me when I am alone and I have a few links to polyamory sites with help for jealousy and anxiety, which I often read when I am settling down into bed.
3. I always have my Kindle with me with a good book on it, usually a thriller, which gives me something to do if I can't sleep and stops me thinking about negative thoughts.
4. If I find my mind going over thoughts that could turn jealous I practice thought redirection (which is a technique taught for anxiety too). Once I catch myself I deliberately try to think about a positive problem which in my case will be football/soccer, so I try and work out in my mind my teams all-time best 11, the worst 11, top 10 goal scorers etc. Equally I find solving technical IT problems in my mind also works for me. Next minute I have fallen asleep.
5. I try deep breathing exercises which promote relaxation. You should find some guides on the web about breathing and relaxation techniques. These work well for anxiety and when you are feeling jealous or angry.
6. I have my MP3 player with me with a special calming play-list I have made. In my case this is classical music. Also works well if the lovers happen to be in a nearby room and you can hear them, or think you can.
7. If I am feeling jealous I try and do something loving towards Angel immediately. If its night time I may write here a loving email or if its during the day I may do a task for her like fix an item of clothing or jewelry or do some sort of task she hasn't got around to doing that she will be pleased about.
8. I always make sure when they are together during the day or evening, that I have something really positive to do to keep my mind from becoming negative such as a job or pleasant task. I don't sit around listening to Leonard Cohen and moping. However, I would caution against doing household chores unless you do enjoy them as otherwise you may end up thinking "here I am like a martyr doing the F*&^ing ironing, while they are enjoying themselves". Which isn't good.
9. I chat to people on this site and read other posts when Angel and Wolf are together as that helps.
10. I have a copy of More than Two on my Kindle which I read now and again.
Oh and I do love Angel dearly and want to be "good" for her when she is away which makes me do most of the above.
PS. Feel free to message if you want to know more.
