so I arrived at a conclusion this morning: there are times in life where we have to accept that we cannot help someone. They have to help themselves.
it is difficult to be powerless, and watch someone in pain or anguish. Especially if you love them.
Very, very true.
I've only been in this situation once, when a very dear friend (borderline girlfriend) was refusing to get help for a drug problem and abusive relationship. After I cut ties with her because I couldn't watch her destructive behavior which was adversely affecting my health as well, she finally moved back in with her parents in another state and got help. Last I heard she was finally on her own again and happy and healthy. I couldn't make her do it (as hard as I tried), she had to WANT to get out of that situation.
I find it conceited to assume that we are helping someone, when the recepient does not ask for help. I often see this co-dependent dynamic, whereby the 'saver' gets the moral high-ground, and the 'saved' gets the all the attention and mooching.
In fact, that pretty much describes the longest relationship I had. Ain`t telling which side I was on!
That is an interest question. What I try to do is, if someone tells me about his or her problem without asking for help, I empathize.Do you think it is always conceited to try to save or only when it is based on an assumption of the need for saving?
I could understand this feeling about certain situations where it is assumed by one party that the other needs help, but not so much when the person admits they need help. An admission of a problem isn't the same as wanting to solve it, but I wouldn't find it conceited to try to "save" a person from something that is an acknowledged issue.