Story of Elle

Backstory: I married Steel nine months after I set eyes on him. It was textbook love at first sight, for both of us. We have been together for almost seventeen years . We have two beautiful children, lots of awesome pets and a huge circle of friends, both mutual and individual. Steel is without a doubt my soulmate. He makes me laugh every single day, he is gorgeous, intelligent, an excellent Father, a wonderful provider, kind, gentle, sexy, I could go on with Adjectives all day- suffice it to say- I REALLY love this man.

I was a wild teenager. I had plenty of boyfriends (and a couple of girlfriends for good measure!) but never could stay true for long. If things were safe, and happy, I was restless. My Mom used to say I lived for tumult. Some call it a drama queen? Status-quo did not suit me.

All I ever wanted was the white picket fence in a nice suburb with the dutiful corporate husband. I got it. So why was I itching for more? Why was it NOT enough when it’s all I ever wanted? A question for my future therapist, I suppose.

Fast forward ten years into marriage. We were ridiculously happy, sexually active, living the proverbial American Dream. I went to Las Vegas with my college friends. I met a man. I cheated. I told Steel as soon as I got home. He was understandably devastated. As horrible and guilt ridden as I felt, I still didn’t regret it. I loved the feeling of having my cake and eating it, too. Selfish? Absolutely. I own it.


After months of therapy and working through it, we were stronger than ever. Yet, each day, when I lay my head down, I was missing something. PTA meetings, soccer games, mini-van taxi cab, kids’ orthodontist appointments, it was just not giving me a sense of fulfillment.

I approached Steel about going to a local lifestyle club. He agreed. You can write the script of what happened next. In the course of a year, we evolved from same room swap, to separate rooms, to single play to me deciding that while sex with strangers was hot, it was not giving me exactly what I was missing. We also realized that someone was always taking one for the team- 'ok ok, I’ll sleep with the ugly husband so you can bang the hot wife.'


Welcome Poly. It was five years ago that we finally realized that it was exactly what we wanted. At first I thought it was what I wanted- but Steel did a lot of reading and research and realized he felt very comfortable with what he was reading. He said it all clicked for him.


The following three years were filled with lots of newbie mistakes (Extreme NRE, dating cheaters, a lot of don’t ask don’t tell- basically everything Poly101 warns against.)

Then one day, eighteen months ago, I met Sarge. He was in an established polyamorous marriage, and I fell HARD and fast.
 
He was six years my junior, but only chronologically. He was so mature and intelligent, and so adorable. We hit it off instantly. Steel had reconnected a year earlier with an old friend from elementary school- Dimples-and while it was long distance, he was enjoying getting to know her again.

Sarge and I went out four times in one month, and I was ridiculous. I was drowning in NRE and showing it. Being the absolute typical stage five clinger. Expecting him to tell me his every move, getting upset if he didn't text me immediately, you know, crazy girl stuff. It didn't work for him. He told me he was not ready for this type of relationship- he was not as emotionally invested as I was, and he thought it best if we part ways.

Devastated is not the word to describe how I felt. I shut down. Cried, told Steel to cut off all communication with Dimples and declared that we were now and forever would be mono. I realize this is a typical knee-jerk reaction- but I was clinging to my safe-place. Steel, being the wonderful man that he is, activated immediately and told Dimples he could not continue. She was devastated, of course. I felt badly for her, but worse for me, so any empathy I had for her heartbreak was trumped by my own.

I made a LOT of mistakes. I see them all now. I assumed that by making THEM end it, that I would feel better. I actually felt worse. I'll save the bandwith telling the story of the following year in detail, but I eventually apologized to Steel and Dimples, and was actually feeling compersion for them.

I dated here and there, nothing of note, no one felt right to me. All the while, I was stalking Sarge on social media, and saw his new relationship filled with " I love you's" and " You complete me's" and VOMIT.

Each time I saw one of them declare love for another, or a picture of them doing something fun, I was sick to my stomach. I was emotionally cutting. I could NOT stop looking, even though it cut like a knife each time I did. I would send him an occasional text, every few months or so, telling him I hoped he was well. He always replied in kind.

Then, one day last fall, I saw her post she was moving clear across the WORLD for work, and wow, was she going to miss Sarge!
 
It prompted me to send him a text, again, hoping he was well. He replied and we started texting back and forth sporadically for a couple of weeks. He told me she was moving- and we caught each other up on our lives for the past year. One evening, not too long after she moved- he mentioned he was traveling for work, to a city where I just happened to be traveling to that weekend also, for pleasure.

We met at my hotel that weekend. The minute I opened the door, it all came
flooding back for me. We talked for several hours and said our goodbyes.

He texted me the next morning. Steel was quite hesitant about me re-opening this can of worms. He had lived first hand the pain I went through when it ended last time. He had no desire to see it happen again. It's understandable. The thing that hurt someone you love is something you desire to keep them away from.

I'd like to say we took it slow, but Sarge and I picked up right where we left off. Fabulous dates, flirty texts, and just enjoying each other. There were some growing pains along the way- I met his wife- Freckles, and her long time boyfriend, CPK. I met his children. He met mine. He met Steel. Freckles was not a fan of Sarge's ex, mostly because she was single and mono, and her actions were slowly becoming that of a cowgirl. I spent the first two months of our newly reconnected relationship believing he was pining for his ex- but learned that he was relieved when she moved. He is an introvert, and craves downtime. Her being single and mono did not allow him much time to just be. She was constantly needing and demanding his attention- much like I did the first time around.

It became clear to me that if I wanted to keep this man in my life, I was going to have to not smother him. Not be clingy and needy and expect him to complete my life. I made the decision to let him set the pace. And although I hated going to sleep without hearing from him all day, I powered through, focusing on Steel, and our children.

Giving him that space, and our relationship a chance to grow organically was the hardest thing I've done in a while. But, the best thing I did. We are now five months in to our relationship (part two) and I could not be happier. We live 45 minutes apart, but see each other twice a week. We text/skype/call each day.

I adore Freckles, and the feeling is mutual. I adore his children, and he mine.

Steel is still with Dimples- although the they can only get together once a month or so, given the geographical distance, they chat daily.

It's a cliche, but today I feel like the luckiest woman on earth. I have the complete love of two wonderful men. They are both so wonderful in different ways.
 
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Yesterday started with breakfast with Steel and our dumplings. I ran some errands and straightened the house before showering and heading down to Sarge's city. Freckles and CPK had taken the Junior Sarge's to the park for the day. Sarge and I had a nice leisurely lunch at a local place then went to see Deadpool. I was not excited to see it, as I'm not much of a superhero movie gal, but I admittedly loved it. It was nice to snuggle and watch a movie together.

We returned to the house and everyone was home. Freckles was feeding the juniors and I was nursing a headache. So I lay on the couch with my head on Sarge's lap while he massaged my temples. One of the little Sarge's came over and sat on my outstretched legs. He's so stinking cute. I feel like part of the family.

Freckles and CPK left shortly after to spend the night at CPK's house. Sarge made us a quick dinner and then we snuggled in his bed and watched some HGTV. At around 8:00, I headed for home. (Our usual schedule has me spending the night there one weekend night each week, but due to Steel's second career (he's an entertainer) our schedules have to be flexible. This weekend saw Steel having gigs Friday and Saturday night, and my dumplings are too young to be home alone. Normally Sarge will come to my city when Steel is gone, but the gigs were local this weekend, so Steel slept home each night. We are not yet at the point where any of us want to have group sleepovers. In fact, I don't think we ever will be- and that's ok. There are certainly no secrets, and we are all very good at communication- just not the type of place we are.)


I am just bursting with happiness and love. I am still dealing with some small, occasional bouts of anxiety- basically expecting the other shoe to drop and it all to go to shit. I know it's ridiculous and unreasonable to live with fear of what may come; but it's not often that the fairytale actually comes true, so I worry.

Steel is just that. Steel. He is my forever and ever. I don't worry about him leaving, or ever doing anything to harm our marriage. Sarge is also quite good at validating me, with words of affirmation, and physical touch- and professes his love for me often. His actions back up his words, and I never have to wonder where I am in his life and heart. So why the anxiety? I don't know. I was hoping that by blogging here, it would help me figure it out. I guess I can't expect to solve the issue in two days.

Steel is feeling great, as he and Dimples will be seeing each other again in a few weeks. The weather is gorgeous here, life is a bowl of cherries. Today.

Of course, I welcome any feedback, compliments or complaints.
 

kdt26417

Official Greeter
Sounds like you have a good start on a happy poly life. Don't rush things, just communicate often and keep us posted on this forum. You can post in Poly Relationships Corner whenever you especially need feedback and advice.

Sincerely,
Kevin T.
 
Steel has been flirting and chatting with a co-worker for several months now. On paper, she is the perfect match for him. Single, attractive, intelligent, mature. While she enjoys the attention he gives- she is staunchly opposed to the poly lifestyle. She always used to state she just " couldn't do it." They have never seen each other outside of the office,but do message on social media.

She has gotten a bit more aggressive the last few days, reaching out to him with statements like " I just wish you were single." and " I think we could have so much fun if we could date." Steel also feels she has stepped up her innuendo game at work. Last night she asked if they could hang out as friends only. He told her that it was best if they dialed down the flirtation and sexual undertones and just remained professional. Of course, as I gently reminded him, shitting where one eats is never a good idea. She replied asking if they could go out "As friends only."

He flat out told her that while he is interested in her, he has plenty of friends, and does not have the time, nor desire to hang out one on one with someone whom he is not courting. She replied that she wishes she could be romantic, but that she could "Never be with a man who NEEDS two women to make him happy. If your wife is making you so happy, why are you pursuing others?" This set him off. He explained that he didn't NEED two (or more) women, just that it's possible for him to BE with two- or more. He explained the starvation model of love, blah blah blah. He sent her the link to morethantwo. She replied with the link to a bible website and quoted scripture. That was it for Steel. He basically told her that he left her alone long ago, trying to get her to the darkside. She is the one who keeps bringing the subject up, and wanting to debate it.

I am angry. I'm not sure if she thinks he will 'see the light,' divorce me, throw everything he knows about whom he is out the window, just to take her to dinner? Maybe she just likes to debate?

Either way, I will put up with a lot, until you throw Scripture at me. (Especially when it's thrown by a woman who had a child out of wedlock at 17, many years ago.) I am a staunch atheist, as is Steel. I do not begrudge anyone their beliefs, but I do not tolerate Cafeteria Plan Bible Scripture. She insulted my husband, TWICE. Now she's insulting me.

He assured me this morning that he is going to very firm with her today that their relationship is strictly that of co-workers. Hopefully she gets the hint, and does not continue to attempt to debate this topic, as the shit is getting awfully close to the food.

It's hard to fathom that after seventeen years with Steel, I am madly in love with him. I love sitting across the living room from him, listening to him tuck our dumplings in, and just hearing him snore lightly while he sleeps. To have someone come in and question what we have together is downright hurtful.

In other news, I am seeing Sarge tonight for dinner- we generally meet half-way between our cities on Wednesday night. It's just dinner, followed by a few kisses in the car- it's nice to touch base mid-week. It helps keep my anxiety down. He has been overly verbal the last couple of days via text message, declaring his feelings for me. I feel like a teenager again!

I love two men. And I am completely happy.
 
Steel's co-worker approached him and asked why he's been so distant. He told her that she insulted him and ME. She apologized, saying she didn't intend it to come across that way. That's the thing with words, the sting remains, regardless of intent. He is confident that he made his intentions clear moving forward. We will see. I love this man! He refuses to allow anyone or anything threaten me, us, or our unit. He is very protective of all of us, and will not tolerate anything that causes any of us discomfort. He is my man of Steel, and his arms comfort me.

I met Sarge last night for a yummy dinner at my favorite place! We walked around the mall, hand in hand, afterwards. To anyone else, we appeared to be just a regular couple meandering through the mall on a Wednesday night. It's what I think I love most about our relationship- it's just normal.

We stopped at ULTA, as I needed a new hairdryer, and also decided to pick out a new flat iron. Show me a man who will wander around ULTA for forty-five minutes without complaint, and I'll show you a good man.

I left for home feeling zero anxiety about anything. Just bliss. I arrived home in time to tuck the dumplings in, and watch a DVR show with Steel. I am getting all too used to falling asleep with a smile on my face.

Due to Steel having gigs in town this weekend, I'll see Sarge next on Sunday. I'll head down to his city late morning and stay until 8pm or so. He's going to fix my rear windshield wiper- which I knocked off my suv after backing into my own garage door.
 
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Quite a turn of events. Co-worker was relentless, just could not give-up- and who can blame her- Steel is super sexy and an awesome guy. They had lunch last week, and that turned into many hours of texting and question asking. It appears she has come around, and wants to date him. Guess I should give her a name- I'll go with Laney.

They went on an official date last night, and she is evidently smitten. She admitted to doing some research, talking to friends and family, etc. And she is "cautiously hopeful." I feel compersion for them, but I am dealing with some anxiety too. With Dimples, it's safe. She's far away. If this relationship progresses, it will be close to home, with weekly dates and eventual sleepovers. I'll work through the anxiety, I always do. Although last night I had dreams of punching Steel in the nose and breaking it. Subconscious mind, much?

Laney states she will feel better after she meets me. Saturday's plans are for them to have dinner and her to join Steel for his local gig, then for them to come here and us all to chat. Steel really likes her, so I am hopeful as well- it would be nice for him to have someone local. The whole shitting where one eats still has me on edge, but he's been at the company ten years, her only one- and this will be a super secret office romance, so even when/if it falls out, I can't imagine there being too much drama.

I spent Sunday with Sarge. We snuggled, had lunch, he fixed my windshield wiper, I cleaned little Sarge's room as only I can. ( I have borderline OCD and when I went in to greet him, I almost got killed tripping on his toys.) Freckles and CPK came back and I cooked us all a delicious dinner. CPK and Freckles left after and Sarge and I had a wonderful evening. I love him. He is so different from Steel in so many ways, but still so wonderful. I didn't stay over as I had to be home for early Monday morning, but I drove home happy, content and stress-free.

I was originally concerned that Freckles may be put off by me cleaning her sons' room and cooking in her kitchen, but it was quite the opposite- she was beyond thankful. She and Sarge both work in stressful, full time careers. I am a stay at home Mom, who works from home about fifteen hours a week- so my energy levels are more available.

During dinner, discussion about one of the Jr. Sarge's school and aftercare came up. I was included in the conversation, and felt so content. I love the kitchen table poly we have. I could be happy in a communal living situation- Steel would never go for it.

For now, what we all have works. Time will tell if Laney will fit into our equation.
 
Steady. That's how I feel.

I didn't see Sarge for our Wednesday dinner this week- as dumplings had some functions to attend. I miss him like crazy, but we have used Skype each day so I have seen his gorgeous face and heard his declarations of love. He's such a goofball and makes me so happy. We booked a cruise for Mid May together! Just a quick 3 day trip, but I'm really looking forward to having three whole days of just us.

Steel and I are in a great place. We both have compersion and it's helping us enjoy each other so much. We have spent a lot of quality time with our children and alone.

Steel and Laney are still in NRE stages, and she has been asking a lot of questions about how she would fit into our lives. They are going out tomorrow night then will come to our home so I can meet her.

We have some renovations starting on our house, and that's my only source of anxiety right now. All in all, I'd say it's a great problem.

I know rough waters will eventually come, but for now, I am enjoying the smooth sailing.
 

Reverie

Active member
You are very brave! I would be on edge after the whole trying to lure him away from you and quoting scripture thing. I'd be paranoid that she was putting on a front hoping to get hooks in and then lure him away after all—not that she'd succeed, since you trust HIM, but that a crazy drama-time would ensue.

I do try really hard to give people the benefit of the doubt if I have zero information about them, but after someone's already shown that side of themselves, it would be hard for me to trust that it wouldn't come sneaking out again. Your ability for compersion in that circumstance is really admirable.
 
@Reverie- Yes, I guess it was easy to have compersion, because I had not yet met her. All I saw was Steel being excited and that made me excited!

I met Laney. We three sat in my living room and chatted. She had a lot of questions for me, and mostly was just seeking my approval. I made it crystal clear that I am ok with all of it. I actually liked her very much, it was easy to see what Steel sees in her.

The only thing she stated that gave me pause was that if she met someone else who was marriage minded, she's stop seeing Steel. I get it. She wants marriage and a white picket fence. She seemed focused on the end game, instead of just BEING in the now and enjoying. She did state she was not actively looking. I am just going to be happy for them, allow them time to grow their relationship, and be here for Steel if the shoe drops.

They left after we chatted, and went to dinner and to Steel's gig- by the time they got back, I was dead to the world. having taken Nyquil because I was fighting a cold. Steel later told me they watched some TV while snuggled on the couch, and had a nice make-out session. I guess her reservations about poly aren't THAT staunch, as my couch is less than ten feet from my bed- only a closed door was between us.

I woke up Sunday morning feeling like I got hit by a truck, the cold had turned for the worse, and I was a mess. I told Sarge that I felt like crap, but he still wanted me to come down. I changed from Pj's to clean Pj's and drove down. As soon as I arrived, I crawled into his bed and went back to sleep. He woke me a little after to give me some meds he had gotten for me. I spent the day dozing in and out of consciousness, with Sarge checking on me, bringing me liquids, etc. Around 7pm, I was feeling better and RAVENOUS. Freckles and CPK came back from CPK's house and stayed with the Juniors so we could grab dinner. I felt better after dinner, so we watched Walking Dead and snuggled until I fell asleep. I woke up a few times over the next couple hours and just to see Sarge next to me, on his laptop, hand on my hip, as I slept, was so peaceful. I felt safe, loved, and protected.

I woke up at 3am to find him not in bed. I found him on his couch. He said I was snoring so loudly that he could not fall asleep. I was embarrassed and felt awful. He said he knew I was sick and the sound was coming from my sinuses. What a great guy! He took Monday off work to spend with me, and I felt so bad because I didn't feel like doing anything. He got up early and took the kids to school, and woke me when he got back. We lay around chatting and snuggling, and eventually both fell fast asleep. We awoke at noon, went for a quick lunch, and I headed for home around 3.

I got home and still felt awful, so I spent the evening with Steel and the dumplings, mostly me on the couch and them hanging around.

I still feel like crap, and wish it would just go AWAY. I am leaving on a girls' trip in two weeks, and do NOT want to feel sick.

Steel and Laney have a dinner date tonight- I feel happy for them, but also selfish, because I feel like death and want my husband to come home and cook for our kids and clean the house so I can sleep. I'll power through. I want them to have their time.
 

Spork

New member
Oh no, I hope you feel better soon.

We had a nasty round of colds hit my local work/family/social circles lately. Zen had a sniffle, then I caught it, mine was a very mild case but Zen got worse for a while, then Analyst caught it and it really laid him low, too. There were several people at one of the BDSM parties who seemed sick. I mentioned that it felt like the club was a damn daycare center or something, everybody swapping cold bugs...yeesh... And now my son is sick. It's a-goin' a-round...
 
Thank you Kevin and Spork! I am FINALLY feeling close to human again. Between the pollen and this cold, I was wanting to rip my sinuses out. Round the clock Sudafed and Benadryl has brought me to a functioning state!


Steel said date with Laney went GREAT. I was a tad off put by how 'needy'? she is being- wanting constant texting, calling him every night, etc. And then I remembered how I felt with Sarge. And I realized it's all just wonderful, dopey, NRE.

Sarge, Freckles, CPK and I maintain a shared Cozi account (an app for family scheduling) it really helps for anyone of us to be able to pull it up and see who is doing what on any given day. If it's not in Cozi, it can't be counted on. Now I have to compare Cozi to Steel and Laney's schedules, too. But after a little negotiating and give and take, we ALL have a solid (but flexible for emergencies) schedule worked out through the end of April.

Dimples is in our city this weekend. She arrived last night. She is here for work, and has a tight schedule of meetings and conferences, but the plan was to have lunch with Steel tomorrow. She texted last night and asked if he could also do lunch today. He agreed, and after a lot of thought, decided it only fair to tell her about Laney. He told her he had met and was seeing someone, but that he still loved her and wanted to see her for lunch. She went radio silent. It made him feel like shit. Which made me mad and sad.

She texted him this morning and said "Meet you at 11?" And he said of course, and that he was looking forward to seeing her.

She said "Ok, cause I don't want to cramp your style."

Passive Aggressive much???? UGH.

As much as I know they care about one another, she lives EIGHT hours, as the crow flies, away. They have laid eyes on each other FIVE times in the last 25 years. And the fact that she has to make him feel bad for being happy and finding someone who can offer him more than a text date makes me very very angry.

The good news is, he is VERY smitten with Laney, and I predict Dimples slowly fading out of the picture. Laney left for a weekend trip this morning, and will return Saturday, and I know he will miss her.

I haven't seen Sarge since I left his house Monday, but will be going down Sunday for the day (And I believe Laney will spend the day here with Steel and our dumplings!) I'm looking forward to kissing his rugged face again. Some days, I want to reach through Skype and pull him out.
 
Steel met Dimples again for lunch on Friday. He said it was casual chat, but that he acknowledged to her that things were cooling down. He explained that if she was more geographically desirable, things would be very different. She was upset, but agreed. They will still keep in touch, and care about each other quite a bit.

Sunday was a great day. I drove the hour to Sarge's house and it was an easy, fun day. We did nothing of note, and that's how I like it. I am all for being lazy. I cooked corned beef and cabbage, we watched TV, he went for a haircut. It was a typical lazy Sunday, filled with snuggles, kisses and togetherness.

Laney came over to my house too. She and Steel took the kids to lunch, then they watched Pee Wee's Vacation, and spent their Sunday much the same way. Lazy. Both of my dumplings claimed Laney was very nice, and they liked her a lot.

I'm dealing with some anxiety the last few days, and it plain sucks. I have finally been able to process and realize where it's stemming from. One is the fact that although Steel has been on many first ( and a few second ) dates, and was emotionally invested in Dimples, this is the first time I have had to deal with REAL jealousy in poly. He and Laney are in the throes of NRE and hearing his phone chime constantly, and know of plans they are making stings. I get it. Theoretically. But just because I choose to label myself as poly, does not mean I am immune to jealousy. What am I jealous of? I don't know. I can't quite place my finger on it. Lack of control is what i'm thinking.... I am type A to the core.

The other issue is fear. Steel is very respected at his office. And after some talking, it became evident to me that he and Laney may be getting a little to familiar at the office. Nothing physical, but spending time chatting, about what they did, what they are going to do, etc. Winks, smiles, flirty stuff. It makes me WILDLY uncomfortable. I explained this to Steel, and he agreed it would stop. Then of course, he came home last night, we had a chat about his day, and it was revealed that while she was at his desk, they chatted
" quietly" about their plans to go away this weekend together. I reminded him that he is anything BUT quiet. He has a loud, booming voice that projects. He said he was sure no one was around, but I explained that walls have ears. Steel is not a gossip, and the world could literally crumble around him and he wouldn't notice. I had to explain that *most* people
(especially catty office women) are NOT like that. I explained that ANY shred of a hint that something is going on is all it takes and wildfire ensues. People love dirty laundry, and nothing is juicier than a good old fashioned office affair. I was pounding into him that all it takes is one person to hear ONE keyword that gives the allusion that something is going on, and it would grow from there. He refused to understand, saying no one listens when they talk, and we ended up in a screaming match. I could NOT get through to him the severity of it. I said they have to go out of their way to be hyper-vigilant, because now there is something to hide. My children and my family are on the line here, and I am not going to allow anyone to jeopardize that- including Steel.

The fight intensified, and I told him flat out that if he could not keep it 100% strictly professional at work, one of them needed to find alternative employment, or they need to stop seeing each other. The last thing I need is Steel losing his job, or worse, the respect of his staff and management. I gave him the advice that from this moment on, he should not say anything out loud at the office that he wouldn't feel comfortable saying if the PA system was on. That seemed to resonate with him and he assured me it would stop.

He texted Laney his thoughts, and she agreed. She also said " I'm sure we've already given people more than enough reason to suspect something. We are like giddy high school kids together. It's so hard to stay away from your desk." I gave him a 'told ya so.' and I think it finally then hit him that not everyone is aloof and uninterested in office politics and gossip.

I sit here this morning hoping that he heard me loud and crystal clear. If you insist on shitting where you eat, letting people seeing you do it is a fatal mistake. Especially in corporate America. Work at Taco Bell? Have at it! A six-figure corporate job? Don't do it. So, time will tell. I know he wouldn't purposely do anything to put us in harms' way, or his career in jeopardy, but NRE is a tricky minx, and it's far too easy to think with the wrong head.
 
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Steel and Laney had their first overnight this past weekend.

I'd be lying if I said I was totally fine with it. In reality, I had a pretty retched reaction to it. Like I said, Dimples is so far, she's never been a "threat." Laney is local, and real.

They left Friday after work and drove to a city two hours away, where Steel had a gig and a hotel for the night.

I was sick to my stomach and not feeling good about it at all. Sarge came over here around 8pm, and saw I was not well. I cried. A lot. I can't even put into words what I was feeling. Just overall grief. I KNOW Steel won't leave me. I KNOW it's illogical that I was sitting my in MY house, with MY boyfriend, and still jealous. Sarge was able to talk me down, and by morning, I felt 100% better and complete compersion. I am a control freak- I don't deny it. Steel is smart enough to know me, and knew that my over-reactionary texts and calls were nothing more than a temporary break in sanity. I apologized profusely, and he was smart enough to not let Laney know what was going on. She stated to him she was concerned that I "hated her now" or was going to veto their relationship. I sent her a private message via social media letting her know all was well, and I was happy for them. She appreciated that.

I guess my reaction was based on the fact that this is the first time Steel has spent the night with another woman. It was unknown and scary. But I feel all better, and ready to be happy again.

Sarge took wonderful care of me emotionally, and when we woke Saturday morning, all was well. I made breakfast, then we took my dumplings shopping and out to lunch. It was a perfect day.

Steel texted Sarge on Sunday to thank him for calming me. Sarge replied of course, and that he loved me. Neither would tell me anymore of the conversation, but to hear from one man that I love, that the other one loves me too, was the closest to heaven I have ever felt. I have heard Sarge tell me he loves me many times, but to know he told Steel, is another level of satisfaction.

Dimples is pretty much just a text friend at this point for Steel. He is focusing his energy and time on Laney, and I am ok with that. I'm actually feeling great.

Friday night should be interesting. My best friend is flying in and we are all having dinner ( Myself, Steel, Best friend, Sarge, Laney and my dumplings.) Then Saturday morning we are all attending a charity walk in honor of a disease my oldest child has. It's nice to know that we have people that love us so much that they are willing to get up at 6am on a Saturday to walk 5k for us.

Best friend and I leave Saturday evening for a Girls' trip to Las Vegas!! The plan is for Sarge to drop us at the airport on his way home. Sarge is very nervous, about me flying, being so far away, etc. He's a nervous Nelly to begin with, but having me so far away makes him uneasy. His reasoning is, what if something happens to me? He'd be too far away to help me. I assured him I will be extra cautious, and take good care of myself. Laney is spending the night here Saturday, then leaving her car here for a week, while she heads out of state on a week long business trip. It will be the first time she is sleeping in my house, in my bed. Hopefully the fact that I will be in Las Vegas will ease any anxiety I have over that.
 
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Vegas was a roaring success, as usual. Best friend and I go every single year, and always enjoy relaxing, having some drinks, and not having a schedule.

Things on the home front are chugging along. We all had dinner the Friday night before I left, and except for being a little awkward getting everyone seated in a way that made sense, dinner was fine. Laney obviously has NO issue showing Steel PDA in front of me, and although I am ok with it, I *did* feel a little like she was "testing" me to see how i'd react.

She left for her house after dinner, and Sarge slept here ( on the couch) We all met a bunch of other friends' downtown early Saturday morning for the charity walk, and that was a success as well. We all headed back to my house so best friend and I could wrap up packing and head to the airport.

The original plan was for Sarge to drop best friend and I at the airport on his way home (about 3pm.) I got a text message from the airline at 2pm that my 5pm flight was delayed 4 HOURS!! GRRRR.. leaving the East coast at 9pm, to fly 5 hours was not something I was at all looking forward to. Best friend and I scrambled, and tried to get on another flight, but everything was sold out. When 4pm hit, we decided to give up and take a flight out at 5am instead. Best friend and I went into the living room to tell Steel and Laney (who was all cuddled up on him) of my decision. And Laney ROLLED HER EYES! I was certain I imagined it. She was supposed to stay over that night, and leave for her own flight at 4am Sunday morning, so me not leaving now meant that she was going to have to sleep at home, or on my couch and miss a night with Steel. ( No one actually SAID that, but it's what was inferred.) The original plan of leaving her car here was nixed, and she was now taking a shuttle from my house. ( Her car was parked at her house, Steel followed her home after the charity walk so she could drop it off.)

Best friend and I went back into my bedroom to call the airline, and I got another text, the flight was moved back to 6pm! We high fived, did a dance and I told Sarge (who was passed out on my bed) to get his ass in gear and let's go. I said goodbye to my dumplings, and Steel and Laney and was at the curbside less than 20 mins later. Sarge teared up when we said goodbye, but I promised him I'd take good care.

Once we were airborne and settled, I asked best friend if she noticed Laney's eye roll. She said she was DYING to say something to me about it, but didn't want to damper the trip if I hadn't seen it. So I had not imagined it. I get it. She was disappointed, but come on!

Anyway, the trip was a success, both of my loves kept in good contact, and I assured them both I was fine a lot. The time difference helped, because after 8pm Vegas time, I didn't have to "check in" with anyone, as they were all heading to sleep on the East coast.

I arrived home Weds evening, and was picked up by a very loving Steel. He said Laney had gotten off on her trip early Sunday morning and since I was gone, and our dumplings had school each day, he had been talking to her via telephone each night for an hour or so. This ended up causing an issue.

When I got home Weds, we ate with our children, watched a couple of shows I missed while I was gone, then enjoyed being husband and wife for the evening. He checked his phone around 11pm, and found some texts from a very displeased Laney. He chose to not reply at that time and we went to sleep. He told me the next morning she sent him some messages saying that this kind of behavior was not acceptable. He told her that he had missed me and was spending quality time with me. She took that to mean sex, and told him she really didn't need to KNOW that. Sigh.

He states he talked her down and explained that this is how poly works, yadda, yadda. She said she didn't feel like she was getting 50% of his time. To which he sternly explained that he never promised her 50%. I again reminded him that I feel she needs more than he can provide. He states that she understood now.

They texted on and off over the following days, and on Sunday morning, she sent him a message saying she changed her flight home, and instead of arriving at 10pm, she was going to be home at 2pm, and what was he doing tonight? He said we were going to pick out new appliances, having lunch and hanging out. She asked what time he'd be done, and he said he wasn't sure, but why did she want to know? She said she changed her flight "In hopes of getting to see my boyfriend tonight." He explained that they had not originally planned to see each other this day, and he was going to spend the day and evening with me. This went over like lead balloon. She had been gone for a week, was it such a big deal to want to see her boyfriend? Double sigh. I'm not sure of what the conversation was, but again, he states he talked her down and all was well.

Tuesday was their normal date night, but we had purchased new sofa's on Sunday as well, and we were picking them up to save delivery fees. Our next door neighbor offered his truck, at 7pm on Tuesday night. Steel told Laney they could leave from work (at 4pm) and have dinner near the office, but that he had to leave by 6:45, in order to get home to take advantage of our neighbors' generosity. She was again NOT happy. She pondered why it was always HER being sacrificed. He explained that was not the case. He has a wife. And two children, and TWO jobs, and is in the middle of a whole house renovation. He explained that he is in this for the long term, and that it's not a destination, but a journey. I think she is stuck in mono, relationship escalator mode, and trying to cram all the feels and good stuff into one pocket of time.

Needless to say, I am not hopeful for their future. It's a shame, as I like her. he likes her. She ADORES Steel. But I think she plain just needs to be with someone mono who can make her the center of his world. But, I kept that to myself. It is not my job to fix her, or help her see the light.

Other than ALL that, things are great. My house is coming along nicely, I am more in love with Steel and Sarge than ever before.

Tomorrow, I am waiting for my new appliance delivery, then heading down to Sarge's city for the night. I miss him SO much. I haven't seen him in a week and I need some Sarge love! Laney is attending a wedding tomorrow, and has plans at 6am Sunday morning, but asked Steel if she could come over after the wedding, and at least spend the night since I will be gone. He said of course.
 
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My mind and emotions are all over the damn place today!

First, it appears Freckles and CPK are done. They have been together for almost two years. He has always been mono. Several months back, he met a woman, Pink, and started to date her. Pink is also single. She knew CPK had a long term, poly girlfriend. Freckles had a pretty bad reaction to it. She was extremely NOT OK with CPK dating. Though she is perfectly OK and happy with Sarge and I. (She is very accommodating, helps us figure out ways to spend time together, etc.) For reasons that she cannot even explain, she does not like the idea of CPK dating. She finally agreed to meet Pink, and see how it went. We actually all met her. She was delightful, and well aware of the polycule and dynamic. Freckles even liked her. But she was still very uncomfortable with it. She never actually gave CPK an ultimatum, but it was implied. He ended things with Pink. A few days ago, CPK brought up the idea of looking for another relationship again. ( Freckles currently stays at his house every other night.) CPK claims he is bored on the nights she is not there, and would like to have someone else. They chatted briefly about it, and Freckles agreed they would revisit it later in the week. Yesterday, CPK told Freckles that he had called Pink and had a date with her tonight. Freckles was blindsided. The fact that he not only unilaterally decided to "start looking," but that he re-opened the can of worms that is Pink was a huge slap. Freckles basically told him she will not stay with him if he does this. He basically called her selfish, and "situation poly." So they may be done, or CPK may realize he can't live without her. My heart breaks for her, but my selfish side is worried about ME! Isn't that horrible? How will this turn my relationship with Sarge? What if she decides she wants to be mono, and tells Sarge he needs to choose? ( Much like I did to Steel and Dimples after Sarge and I broke up last time) Right now, I sleep at their house several times a month, and she goes to CPK's house. What's going to happen if she has nowhere to go? They have a guest bedroom, and I know I am just playing worse case scenario and Devil's advocate, but I tend to over-think. In reality, I know Sarge loves me. And I know Freckles loves me. We consider each other family. I can't see her pulling a veto. Still, I worry, especially because I have DONE IT MYSELF.

The other issue on my mind is pregnancy. I had a tubal ligation after my youngest dumpling was born, so I have not had to worry. Sarge is also fixed, as he had a vasectomy several years ago. Freckles is on the depo shot. Laney is NOT on birth control. Though she and Steel use condoms, they are not fail safe. It occurred to me this morning that they are playing with fire. I explained my fears to Steel, tried to emphasize how a baby would ruin his life, my life, our dumplings lives. And we fought. He said he is careful. I asked him what would Laney do in case of an unplanned pregnancy? He said she was PRO-LIFE!!! Which goes against everything I not only stand for, but believe. I told him that was his answer. He agreed after I basically beat him over the head with a mallet and told him I would divorce him if she got pregnant. He's scheduled for a vasectomy next week. He told Laney that he needed to abstain from penetrative sex until 12 weeks after the procedure and she asked " Was this your idea or Elle's?" Who gives a Russian Rats' ass whose idea it was???????????? She's none too thrilled with waiting twelve weeks for sex, but it is what it is. She can take her pro-life beliefs to her grave, but she's not getting a chance to rope my husband into eighteen years of child support. Damn, that sounded bitchy. But, I feel how I feel and I am not budging on this.

So, I am anxious, feeling edgy and just need to find my center.
 
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Spork

New member
Given how Laney has occasionally behaved and how she seems like monofolk playing in polyville, I think that your feelings about the matter of birth control and her pro life beliefs are very sensible. I'm glad that Steel is willing to get a vasectomy. So many men really get freaked about the whole idea, but it's truly not a big deal at all.

I actually had a personal horrified recoil reaction internally to reading that Freckles takes depo. That stuff is PURE EVIL. It was one of the biggest factors in serious damage to my marriage. I mean, if I had to list like the top five things that, over 18 years, caused harm to my relationship with my ex, it would be one of them. When I was on it, it was difficult for me to be loving and social, let alone sexual. Then when I went off of it, I temporarily lost my mind as it was like...if you can imagine, a robot becoming flesh again, or someone living in a world of black and white suddenly snapping into vibrant color. I strongly speak against depo to most people. It is bad, bad mojo. If she ever stops taking it though, strap in and prepare for chaos.

I actually follow news rather closely of a product called Vasalgel, which is similar to another one in India called RISUG. It's a contraceptive for use by men, involving an easily reversable and very effective one-time injection. I hope that it gets through the FDA red tape sometime in the foreseeable future. I suspect that they have to make sure it would be profitable, or wouldn't harm the existing profit margins, for Pharma. The scoundrels.

Funny story; unrelated... there is a man I have an interest in, and if you weren't already using the nickname "Steel" for one of your loves, I'd probably use that name for him. I'm going to have to be a bit more creative now, because I don't want to use a name already deployed by another poster on the forum. :)

Best wishes, I hope that all the disturbances sort themselves out and that the vasectomy procedure goes as smoothly and easily as I've heard they usually do.
 
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