'Subspace'?? 0_0


New member
subspace aka headspace aka flying aka floating - is a metaphor for the state the bottom's mind and body is in during a deeply involved play scene. Many types of BDSM play invoke strong physical responses. The psychological aspect of BDSM also causes many bottoms to mentally separate themselves from their environment as they process the experience. Deep subspace is often characterized as a state of deep recession and incoherence. Deep subspace may also cause a danger in newer bottoms who are unfamiliar with the experience, and require the dominant to keep a careful watch to ensure the bottom isn't placing him or her self in danger. Many bottoms require aftercare while returning from subspace.

I read this and though I have heard of subs 'zoning out'... I have to say that I was a bit horrified here.

Please understand that I'm not making any judgement here but the science of psychology does states that going into a body dissosiative state can lead to MAJOR mental and personality disorders.

To those of you who pratice BDSM, how is the long term damage of such occurances to be avoided?

I am concerned because I have a friend who is 'dating' a couple who are both domminants in to 'heavy' bondage and dom/sub situations.

Again, not to judge, becuase I do personally think a bit of bondage is fun, but this 'checking out' of the body is a mental defense mechanism, usually held in reserved for only the severiest of emotional and physical danger times. Is this really healthy to induce?? 0_0

*mildly freaked out...* LOL


New member
I have a disosiative disoder and that would def concern me,
i am into BDSM a little however all my partners are aware of cues that i am starting to disoisate and will stop imediatly if they think that this is happening,



I have a couple of friends who identify as subs in their relationship and when they play with their Dom(me)s they both describe subspace as a state of euphoria for them. They consider it a huge release of stress to let go and succumb to the play. This is only healthy if there is good aftercare for the subs. They often need to have a few hours of cuddling and stroking and sleeping in the arms of their partners after, but they consider the whole thing very healing for them. I know that for myself, that kind of power exchange wouldn't work for me, but it seems to work very well for them.

I don't identify as a sub but I have been a bottom for some BDSM play. I enjoy the challenge and stretching of my sensory experience that such play brings. It's also true that you actually experience a rush of endorphins with that kind of play if the person topping you is doing it well and paying attention.


Active member
Not something we have had to deal with. We've been very careful to tailor our BDSM activities to my needs/desires and be sure that we aren't pushing past my safety nets emotionally or psychologically.
Reading that when we were researching BDSM was concerning to me as well.
I do GET the concept of pushing your boundaries-but I dont see the point in pushing them so fast that you can't handle it as you go along.


New member
I'll answer all the questions I saw in the posts....

why would you want to get to "subspace"? - simply put, yes, it is one of the most euphoric states to feel both in body and mind its simply pure bliss, no other way to explain it

aftercare - is an absolute must!! as is complete trust, experiencing subspace is somehting one should only attempt with individuals they absolutely trust and know will give them any aftercare they need/desire/want from simply a hug, to full on being held through body shakes while weeping, it is very intense and should be treated as such

all expects of BDSM when began should be approached at each individuals comfort level, baby steps, only move to somehting more if and when all involved are ready, i would never ever ever suggest someone try something they are nto ready for, if it sounded otherwise i do apologize

all that being said, perhaps if anyone is interested we could simply start a thread or area for BDSM questions/thoughts? I have no qualms answering questions, giving info or simply helping folks find the info they are looking for, just put a few definitions up as i wasn't sure what all folks might want to know about

safe, sane and consensual are so the most important, never try somehting if your not ready, and if you never are do not be pushed/coerced into it, trust your partner as well or please dont play with them

i feel i should explain, i've been practising BDSM since i was 18, am now 32, however, my first forrays into BDSM were NOT consensual, and tho now the only BDSM i do practice is very safe, sane and consensual, i've only been practising subspace for about 2 years, and of that maybe on about 8 occasions really, it is a huge step and should be very greatly thought about, talked about and agreed upon before moving on to

i shall simply wait to see if anyone wants a BDSM section or not and go form there about posting anymore possibly hepful or possibly not info, sorry for any upsetness i caused


New member
^^ oh dear...

I didn't mean to make you think you caused upset so if I did I most sincerely apologize. :(

I was merely concerned and voicing my curiosity in that first post.

Also, I think a BDSM section would be lovely! I'd love to learn more about it as I have been told I'm 'unclassifiable'. 0_0 LOL


New member
Hi there,

I'll give my personal thoughts on it. I identify as a masochist and a submissive. I have in the past enjoyed what some might consider edgy play and tend to do so more under the RACK(Risk Awareness Consesual Kink) train of thought than SSC (Safe, Sane, Consensual). My reason being is because a lot of what I enjoy very well might not be consider safe or sane by the throngs. Of course, neither is driving. I tend to know what I like, research it, try it with someone who is knowledgable and in doing so am more able to be aware of the possible risks involved.

That said when/if I go to subspace it is usually in one of two ways. The first is brought on by a sensation I really, really enjoy. For me this would be something thuddy usually combined with sensual/sexual touches and hopefully some sort of mental encounter as well. Words from my partner usually do this best. When I go in this way it is a place that is very peaceful. I relax into every sensation... think of that relaxed place you go during a really good massage. there is no tension in my body. I am a boneless heap and enjoying every touch, every stroke of the flogger or whatever impliment. My partners words are all I hear even in a crowded room. Everything sort of blends together and is all just really great sensation. Aftercare for me in this instance is not really necessary with the exception of making sure my head is on straight and not leaving me alone until I am more "awake". I am happy, smiling, laughing etc when I come back and enjoy the hell out of hugs. The "I love everyone" mentality is what I feel and it is nice.

The other way I get there is not as nice or as easy. It is usually brought on by a sensation I don't process as well, stingy things would be it for me. In this case I enjoy the sensations until a certain point and then I fight it. I hate to be emotional, especially cry in front of others so I will stomp, cuss, fight my binds if they are there, do pretty much anything not to cry. Then often times comes the tears, huge sobbing gulps which is very unusual for me. After that I am in this wonderful place of beautiful swirling colors and quiet. My mind is no longer racing and every sensation is positive.

This is the time that I need aftercare. I usually get the shakes very bad when coming back to myself and so having arms around me or hearing a soothing voice makes all the difference in the world.

I know it sounds harsh and ugly but if I am allowed the preference of which way to get to subspace this would almost always be the one I would chose. I tend to hold in my emotions and after this I feel absolutely reborn. It is a hard thing to explain, really.

This is also the reason why I don't play in any way that is edgy casually. There is a great amount of trust involved. I need to know that my partner understands my body language, my tears and that he will be there to take care of me after the fact.

I have not felt any long term damage as a result of going into subspace, even deeply. As a matter of fact, it has given me more freedom to be me, to enjoy being a masochist and a way to express myself emotionally.

My advice would be to ask your friend what they think about it. How it feels to them and their reactions before, during, after. Are they cared for after. Are their limits being respected? That type of thing. maybe it will put your mind at ease.


Active member
I think a bdsm thread would be AWESOME!

I get so frustrated with repeatedly hearing "there are so many good information sites out there on...."
And I can search to doomsday and find very little. :(

So Vampiress-I would LOVE to have a deeper discussion!

Unfortunately my computer died last weekend. It's in process of being totally redone. I don't know how long that will take, but until it's done-my time is limited.
I'm not gone though! Please be patient!


Staff member
Calicowgirl, very good explanation. Thanks for typing that all out! *love*


New member
calicowgirl - thank you for sharing all that :)

LovingRadiance - oh no worries, I just didn't wanna hog the whole thread or keep babbling if no one was interested is all

Erosa - don't worry none hun, some folks like labels, some don't, find what you like and express liking it however makes you feel best and fits to your liking

i'm quite distracted as the moment as I have a deadline for writing some fanfic for another forum i'm on by the 22nd, but when we do get a BDSM thread and i got more itme, i'd love to talk more about any and all related topics you all feel like discussing :)

here, just in the background for the moment, hehe


New member
Calicowgirl - that really was a great explanation! It's always a little tough to explain the "disassociation" to someone who isn't really involved in BDSM, or has never experienced it. Subspace, for those who are able to experience it, is a WONDERFUL thing and a fantastic bonding experience.

That being said, I personally am unable to attain subspace. I connect with every single sensation, so intensely that I just can't slip away. It's really interesting.

If anyone starts a BDSM thread, I'm so there! I'm also happy to answer any questions. :)