Talking it out

I've lost around 30 pounds in just over 4 months, folks! So excited. Hubby is trying to join me in the healthy choices camp, but he has exactly zero self control. He's an all or nothing guy while I'm a "one bite of that candy bar is better than none" kinda gal. Boy lost 20 pounds a few years ago and has kept it off (he's at a healthy weight now) but wants to muscle up. We are thinking about doing some sort of long distance workout thing together. Suggestions welcome. Lol I was thinking maybe something we could do on video chat OR on the switch or something? I don't know.

My budget looks terrible right now. Working on that. No more weekend trips for a while. I need to rest anyway. So tired. Annual bloodwork showed some (unsurprising) issues. Upping my iron intake and continuing to lose weight/decrease stress/get fitter should fix them. We'll see in a year, I guess!

I kind of hate my sex drive right now too. I'm into it in the morning then way too tired by night time. Guess who very rarely has a chance to be naked with anyone but herself in the mornings? ME! Ugh. Lol
I hadn't told my guys, but I'd been thinking about kink and trying to gauge my interest in some things again lately. Then Boy and I had our weekend away (was booked/ paid for months ago and I forgot until reminders popped up on my calendar), and... That man. Omg. He showed up with a freaking toy arsenal. Best sex we've had in a while, and we've both been horny messes since. I was surprised because I hadn't mentioned anything other than maybe buying some sexy underwear since I needed some new things anyway. He brought every toy we've ever used together AND bought everything we've ever mentioned, even in passing. So much fun.

Conversations during/after had us both laughing about how in sync we are. I feel like I'm randomly interested in stuff again right when he is too?! I've always leaned more bottom-y with him, but I've been more take charge lately so it flipped a switch in him (ha, a switch, and he considers himself a switch. Just made myself giggle). Anyway, we are feeling very lustful and in love.

Hubby and I... still out of sync sex-wise, but he's gotten some naughty pics lately when I've been inspired. Our schedules suck so much during the week and weekends tend to be busy. Calm this weekend though so I'm totally gonna make it happen!
My health is getting better! Hubby and I have been good lately too. Then, of course, I have the worst period I've had in years so I felt bloated and crampy and gross for a few days. The really crummy thing is that I get crazy horny too, but the mess isn't worth it for a quickie which is about all we have time for during the week. Lol oh well.

Boy scheduled his vasectomy! Pending time off request at work, but that's usually not an issue. Hubby is wanting to try for another kid, so that is a conversation that needs to happen.

I was offered a new job but decided it wasn't worth the schedule, needing a new vehicle, childcare issues, etc. I'm happy doing what I'm doing even if I don't make much
Aaaannnd vasectomy is canceled. They're so short staffed that all elective procedures are on indefinite hold.

Both guys now say another baby would be great. Just when I was over my baby fever. I'm not opposed and finances say it's doable so... we'll see, I guess. I know I'd be excited if it happened, but I also don't think I'd be disappointed if it doesn't. Probably a healthy place to be. Lol

I got a few messages on dating apps recently which is weird since I haven't used them in quite a while. Nothing exciting though.
I have been in the worst mood the last couple of days. The holidays approaching often hits me like this. A combination of excitement and sadness. I'm trying to teach the child about the actual history of the holidays and not just the happy "together and thankful" stuff, while still enjoying the cheap turkey, time off work, etc.

My dad has been pushing for a visit, but until kid is vaccinated it isn't happening for sure. I've also told him that one negative comment about my life, and I won't ever return to the home state. I've been so close to cutting contact completely multiple times. Even when they aren't judging my life, my parents are getting more and more conservative and problematically republican as they age. Considering both their kids are not straight and not monogamous, it's really sad how unwelcoming they are. I do find it amusing when they talk to little girl and she says something about marrying a boy or 2 or 3 when she grows up then says "I could marry a girl too, but I'm just not in love with a girl yet. Maybe when I grow up." It's hilarious, because I've clearly taught her that she can love whomever, however many, etc. She refuses to accept that by the time she's an adult, multiple marriages for one individual might still be illegal. Lol
My period was late. I tested. It was faintly positive, but I started my period later that day. So either a very early miscarriage or a false positive. I don't really have strong feelings either way, other than being glad I didn't tell either guy about the test.

I've been playing the swipey online dating game for fun. A few matches but no one super interesting. I've sent a few messages, because I'm so bored and would love to make a friend (I only swipe right for people who claim to be open to friendship as well as dating, since there will need to be crazy sparks for me to want to make time to really date). People are just so blah these days! Mental health struggles of the masses are no joke.
The holidays were so fun. We were able to go to a local theater and see the new Spiderman. Little girl and I also went to see an old Christmas movie there. So fun. Life is still busy as ever though.

We got some family pictures taken that I haven't done anything with yet. I need to get prints for my house and at least one for Boy's place.

Hubby and I will be going to visit his parents soon. So obviously omicron happens, norovirus and lice are going around the school, and all that fun stuff. My kid hasn't been sick so apparently she is as good about her mask and hand washing as she says she is. 😆
Hubby's mom has taken a turn for the worse. They're not sure she'll be here this time next year. I wanted to postpone traveling, but that's not happening now. I don't worry about myself as much as I worry about those we're going to see. His dad insists it's okay and is very careful himself, other than allowing the kids/grandkids to visit once every 2 weeks or so which is risky enough since 75% of them have had covid at various times - 2 very early on, one about a year ago, and another 2 or 3 in December. I think he'll let them around more often if the end really is near, after our visit. MIL is still so fun even if she's declining rapidly. Little girl is excited to play with her, and I'm glad she'll get the opportunity. I just hope no one gets sick because of us. Their numbers are going down. Ours are stable and high. Planes/airports are terrifying germ boxes in between.

I'm missing a Boy family function while I'm gone, too, which is whatever. He won't go if I'm not there to remind/make him so his aunt has been giving me a hard time. Playfully accusing me of preferring my in-laws over my out-laws. I think it's hilarious that she decided to call them that. Out- laws suits the family well, and I appreciate that they accept and joke with me. 😊
So much happening in the world. I'm anxious and angry and just at a loss. I would consider myself anti-war, but damn. I just hate a bully. I do appreciate leadership that is willing to try diplomacy first, but I'm feeling so incredibly sad by current events. It's not a small group of extremists. It's a powerful regime with resources and friends. Shit. I'm a sheltered, middle class, white American who knows very little about the world. I try to keep up but then my anxiety overwhelms my brain. Hubby and I literally cried together last night because in our 30+ years of life, so much shit has happened. One traumatic event right after another, and yeah.

So my brain is a mess right now. Personal life is good. Partners are amazing. Supported me through a minor injury and a cold and an allergy flare up recently (covid tests all negative so confident in those diagnoses lol).

I was given a very sad peace lily. I repotted and trimmed but still so sad. Thinking about cleaning the roots again and letting it live in a fish tank to see if the constant flow of nutrients and water help it. Someone had taken it to my favorite local plant store and surrendered it then he passed it on to me when I was there a while back. One of the benefits of small town living, I guess.

Thinking more and more about actually buying a home. It could be a reality in the next few years, but I would love to move before it happens. Only time will tell...
I've had an ex add me on social media. Someone I would say I wronged. I sent a message a year or two after it happened and got left on read. Now almost a decade later, a friend request with no message. I'm so torn.i think of her often still. But the history, physical distance, and the fact that it's been a freaking decade... we will likely never actually be friends so what's the point?
I was given rats. I've wanted pet rats since I was a child. I'm so over the moon. They're incredibly sweet and love kids. Their care is...a lot, but it's manageable.

I've realized my dog is actually old. We likely only have 1-3 years left with him. He had a lot of trauma before we got him, so really I wouldn't be surprised if he starts declining at any point. That will be a hard one. He's the first pet little girl really connected with. She's lost fish and known other people's pets who've passed away, but this is HER dog. She's worked hard to cultivate the relationship.

Nothing else is really happening. I did accept the request from the ex. We've had some superficial interaction. From her recent posts, it seems like they did end up fully embracing polyamory (they were wanting to stay in the closet/ unsure if they'd fully open or just remain sexually and situationally open). She had a bad relationship end recently... maybe what made her think of me. Lol her husband has another partner.

Little girl and I have been getting more involved as allies to our local bipoc community. She's also started telling people that her mommy loves 2 people, sometimes loves girls, and everyone should be able to be safe and loved no matter who they like or what they look like. She has become quite the passionate little person when it comes to social justice. She saves part of her allowance to donate to her chosen causes or buy things to give to the local folks we see near our home so need support. Sometimes I feel like I'm doing something right.

Hubby is looking for a new job closer to Boy. Boy doesn't think we should move to his current city, so I told him he need to seriously consider where he'd move if he wants our relationship to last without me going there. I will be moving in the next few years. It can be closer to him and we can continue as we are, or it can be further away and our relationship can end or he can come with us. Hubby would prefer the come with us option so he isn't as limited by geography. 😆
I was given rats. I've wanted pet rats since I was a child. I'm so over the moon. They're incredibly sweet and love kids. Their care is...a lot, but it's manageable.
Ratties are the best! I used to breed show rats. They are my favorite pets ever, and I've had a lot of pets. :)
I agree! Pet rats are awesome and a good one for kids - small enough to be held, big enough to be sturdy, interactive and they don't tend to poop on you. We had pet mice as kids but then I took care of a friend's rat for a few months while they were travelling and was converted. I had a pet ret in college and grad school - I swear he lived twice as long as expected, we had him through several moves. A while ago a colleague of mine was bemoaning the fact that her daughter wanted a pet rat - she wanted to talk her into something else because she felt rat=ugh. I convinced her to give it a try and gave her my old cage and supplies and threw in a bag of fresh bedding and food - I told her if it didn't work out I would take it back, along with the rat. Two weeks in? She was as smitten by the new addition as the daughter and thanked me for talking her into it!
The rats have definitely been a welcome addition! Hubby hates them but helps LG do their basic care (food/ water) when I'm gonna overnight.

Life is uneventful. I've stopped trying to lose weight because I wasjust feeling so tired for a while. I think I'm going to give myself until June then try to do a few months of deficit again. If I lost another 20-30 pounds, I think I would be happy. Not technically a healthy weight, but something that feels okay to me after years of being really obese.
My parents are upset that I plan to travel across the country to visit Boy's extended family (I'll pay for most of myself, Boy is paying for himself and the child and has offered to supplement where my travel budget may fall short) instead of going to see them (paid for 100% by them).

But I don't agree with their choices. I don't enjoy the extended family. I don't want to take two trips to a boring area in one year. I don't want to travel as the only adult with a kid since one partner isn't available and one isn't welcome there (I've done it before and will likely do it again but in general my anxiety means I don't travel as a solo adult unless necessary).

I DO want to see something new. I DO enjoy Boy's family. I DO want to travel with Boy and make more shared memories.

This all depends on finding an actual time to travel and feeling safe to do, of course. Which is a big if these days. We are taking a weekend trip with some cousins soon though, which will be fun.
I have covid. Mild so far - headache, stuffy nose, fever. I hope it doesn't intensify. So far no one else has had a positive test. I hope that also remains the case.
Covid day 2 - raging fever and a cough every time I talk more than one short sentence or walk more than a few steps.

I'm so happy my sense of taste hasn't been affected.

Everyone still negative except one person I saw over the weekend. I see her 3ish times a week, so it's likely we were exposed at the same time. She is not symptomatic.

Hubby has been amazing, taking care of everything. Boy is paranoid and has housemates who are very at risk so that's a struggle. If he does test positive in the next day or so, he'll likely isolate here instead of home. Hubby actuallyoffered that option since we have a sick room for me anyway. 😆 I'm hoping tomorrow I have energy to clean this room some. It needs some major organization.
LG ended up getting covid as well. Only symptoms were identical to her allergy symptoms so hard to say if it was the virus or the dogwood. Boy also had it, and I was upset he chose not to quarantine with me. His housemates are moderately paranoid due to being extremely high risk and opted to stay elsewhere so Boy didn't want to leave the house unoccupied. I don't understand why they wouldn't sanitize and come home early, since they sanitized when they got home a week later anyway. Boy didn't have the energy to argue the case though and just stayed home. He regretted it, but it is whatever.

Hubby stayed with a friend during for a week, then I slept in the kid's room until her quarantine period was over. I still don't know how he didn't get sick since we had shared space, food, and saliva literally the day of my positive test.

Things are pretty normal here now. Summer is busy. I've been exploring my spirituality more. I've missed believing in SOMETHINGS but couldn't convince myself to go for any RELIGION. I have a friend that identifies as a witch, and through regular conversation I've accepted that many of my feelings align well with some versions of modern witchcraft. She gifted me some things (a piece of evil eye jewelry and a few crystals) and I'm researching/implementing small changes to see if it feels right. So far... I'm liking it. I've always been a very nature oriented person and recognized the power of intention. Combining the two into a more spiritual activity while building community sounds great. My skepticism is a road block so we will see if it works out. I don't believe in entering into life altering decisions lightly, especially when it comes to people's belief structures. One of the things I'm drawn to is that it doesn't need to be TOO structured, though, and even a group of people joining together for certain aspects of their practice don't have to have all the same beliefs, rituals, or talents. Idk. It may be a thing for me. The guys have no opinion or interest.

As usual, no thoughts of dating or anything from any of us. I'm enjoying connecting with a few people in a friendly way. Boy is dealing with some health stuff and has been very family and work focused. Hubby is very busy at work and involved in some community projects. LG is excited to go back to school (it's barely a week into summer break) and busy with sports. So much to fill the calendar already!
I am terrible about journaling these days! Hubby got covid a couple of months ago. He felt much worse than the rest of us did. It inspired him briefly to try to lose weight/get healthier in general but once work got busy again that got forgotten. We do have a workout area in our garage now which I use a couple of times a week with LG.

Boy tried to buy a house near us. For us? Whichever. It had 2 separate living spaces which would have been PERFECT. Unfortunately there were some issues with the larger living space that would cost enough to fix that it pushed it over budget. I was honestly SHOCKED that it was legitimate effort though. We've made comments here and there about ideal home/property, but I thought it was more of a silly dream thing not an actual goal! Now that I know I'm more motivated than ever to get my finances with Hubby in a better place so we can actually help with a purchase within a couple of years. Boy doesn't care- he knows we would put in sweat equity and can handle mortgage payments but I would feel better about it if we also helped with down payment so it was all of ours from the get go vs Boy's that Hubby and I have to earn our rights to, if that makes sense.

We are all feeling good about our family and our dynamic. Hubby and I have been prioritizing late night date nights at home which has been fun. Gearing up for holidays. Organizing and getting rid of things. Dreaming of the future and being excited about the possibilities. How did I get so lucky to have 2 amazing partners who want the same thing? Even if it never happens, I'm savoring the shared goal.
Nothing new happening lately. We are all eager for holiday traditions. Picking out a tree was a blast with LG having more of an opinion this year. Gifts are multiplying way too quickly so since her love language is gift giving. All adults would rather not add clutter, but it's hard to say no when an adorable 6 year old is in the store telling you how much she wants to buy (insert random shit here) for Daddy(Hubby) or (Boy) or whatever friend she has in mind.