that "new" feeling with my husband because of my new boyfriend.

Mark1npt

New member
RP....sorry I'm a bit late to the discussion. Like you, I myself feel that I could not get by without my two wonderful women and our "V". They are the perfect compliment to eachother and my life. We all three benefit from eachother in some way everyday. Life wouldn't be the same for any of us, without the whole.

With regards to rediscovery, of my wife and how good it can be....I would say it seems to depend greatly on where she is, with regards to the "V" on any given day. Sometimes she admits she still feels badly/lonely on the nights I am with my OSO and not her....then there are other days where she's happily arranging mine/my OSO's schedule so she knows we'll have a great time that night whilst she's off to a chick flick by herself.

On those days she's troubled, I find it hard to be intimate with her because of guilt. On the good days, I love her all the more because she's so giving of her time and love to the "V". She desperately wants us all to be happy, even if it means there's times she's not completely with the program. Does that make sense?:)
 

redpepper

New member
RP....sorry I'm a bit late to the discussion. Like you, I myself feel that I could not get by without my two wonderful women and our "V". They are the perfect compliment to eachother and my life. We all three benefit from eachother in some way everyday. Life wouldn't be the same for any of us, without the whole.

With regards to rediscovery, of my wife and how good it can be....I would say it seems to depend greatly on where she is, with regards to the "V" on any given day. Sometimes she admits she still feels badly/lonely on the nights I am with my OSO and not her....then there are other days where she's happily arranging mine/my OSO's schedule so she knows we'll have a great time that night whilst she's off to a chick flick by herself.

On those days she's troubled, I find it hard to be intimate with her because of guilt. On the good days, I love her all the more because she's so giving of her time and love to the "V". She desperately wants us all to be happy, even if it means there's times she's not completely with the program. Does that make sense?:)

Yes that makes sense. My husband, I think, is lonely sometimes when I am not at home but as we live together and not with Mono it is not very often. He seems to feel that way when life has been too busy for us to connect as much as we would like and then I go to Mono's house and it rubs it in a bit. Really its not much more than any couple feels when life is too busy sometimes to come together and just be.

It is also a personality thing too as my husband enjoys his private down time and often goes to bed early just to read and sleep early. Mono and I are similar in that we are night owls. Quite often we are up until 1 where as my husband will be in bed at 9. We are fortunate in that our schedules work well. Mono is off at 3 and I am with him by 3.30. We have until 5 when I pick up the boy. That is family time for me, the boy and the husband. We have until 8 when the boy goes to bed. After that I spend time with both men or one or the other, either physically, on-line or on the phone.

We have experienced that guilt you mention. For me also the stability of our "V" does depend on his happiness a great deal. It has helped that my husband keeps his thoughts to himself on that if its just a little bit for him. It has meant that he doesn't block the love I give him that way. When he is needy or lonely or wanting my attention I don't feel like I can be open or intimate in the way he requires. When he deals with some of that himself (within reason of course) by going out and doing something about it rather than putting it on me then I am all over him. I find that very appealing. Of course there are some times that he should be needy, I'm talking in generals here.

Hope that makes sense? I don't think any of that is unique to poly anyway. It's more about any relationship for me, poly or mono.
 

LovingRadiance

Active member
You all are making sense to me! :)

I really don't do "clingy" well at all. If my lover is clingy and needy-my gut instinct is to run the OTHER direction-any other direction.
When they are "on top of their game" and taking care of their emotional needs, keeping themself busy and handling their own shit, then I find that VERY VERY sexy and appealing.

I think it's VERY important in ANY type of relationship that both partners really self-examine their actions/emotions to be sure that their actions back up and validate their OWN responsibility for THEIR OWN emotions.
 

Mark1npt

New member
It's amazing the similarities in all our relationships, RP. For me, as a man, a little bit of clingy is not a bad thing. Makes me feel m-a-n-l-y....My wife isn't very clingy, my OSO can very much be. The night owl thing I def identify with. My wife doesn not want to be awakened at night,.... my OSO? Anytime!

My wife lately has been feeling the need to just sit and talk and connect more, while at the same time, my OSO is needing more emotional support to get thru her first Christmas and Anniversary without her husband of 32 years and her only child off to college. Many nights it's all 3 of us just holding hands on the sofa watching TV......

Doesn't sound like the young swinging scene of many of our forum readers, does it???? But by and large it works, and our lives are richer for it.:)
 

redpepper

New member
Many nights it's all 3 of us just holding hands on the sofa watching TV......

Doesn't sound like the young swinging scene of many of our forum readers, does it???? But by and large it works, and our lives are richer for it.:)

Oh I think I am secretly in love with you right now Mark ;)

This is the sweetest thing and I love that image. That is just my speed right now too... snuggly and warm on the couch all arms and legs and blankies.
 

LovingRadiance

Active member
It's amazing the similarities in all our relationships, RP. For me, as a man, a little bit of clingy is not a bad thing. Makes me feel m-a-n-l-y....My wife isn't very clingy, my OSO can very much be. The night owl thing I def identify with. My wife doesn not want to be awakened at night,.... my OSO? Anytime!

My wife lately has been feeling the need to just sit and talk and connect more, while at the same time, my OSO is needing more emotional support to get thru her first Christmas and Anniversary without her husband of 32 years and her only child off to college. Many nights it's all 3 of us just holding hands on the sofa watching TV......

Doesn't sound like the young swinging scene of many of our forum readers, does it???? But by and large it works, and our lives are richer for it.:)

It's funny cause seriously-clingy drives me nuts even in my kids. :)
That said-they are ALL (men and kids alike) clingy when they don't feel good-but GOD FORBID if I am! Woooo hoooo Mom better hold the fort down NO MATTER WHAT!

On another note-Maca is a "early to bed early to rise" guy and GG and I are both night owls. :)

No young swinging scene here either. Kind of nice to know there are a few other "families" out there that aren't still "playing"
 
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