The Polly Roller Coaster

PollyPocket

New member
Post Weeeeekend update

Once again, all three of us had a fantabulous weekend!! :p It started with dinner, and drinks, then some dancing. I flitted about the dance, talking to many many people that I hadn't seen in a while! C and Hubby parked themselves for the night and chatted a la 'a date'. hehe.

They had a GREAT time, as did I, then we cabbed it home and had some more fun! Jeeeeesus, when will the novelty of this threesome thing wear off?? She left at around 4 on Sunday, and once again, hardly anything done all weekend....other than the obvious!!!! ;)

As we all lay in bed with a health afterglow, I said out loud that it was sooo good to have 'peace' in my brain, and they both agreed. Why does drama have to punt peace out continually during the week?

I go away for the whole weekend coming up. C and Hubby are going to a concert on the Thursday night, with friends, then they have agreed to NOT see each other while I am gone. I asked them for this. While I feel somewhat cruel for asking this, I also feel that it was the right decision, as I feel at peace when I talk of it now.

The self knowledge thing that everyone talks about seems to be occurring for me...it was so hard to figure out my emotions at the start of all this, but gradually, they are becoming easier and easier. Ha, famous last words. Must have found ZEN just for a day or two.... ;)

P2
 

PollyPocket

New member
The self knowledge thing that everyone talks about seems to be occurring for me...it was so hard to figure out my emotions at the start of all this, but gradually, they are becoming easier and easier. Ha, famous last words. Must have found ZEN just for a day or two.... ;)

P2

Not to leave anyone disappointed....YUP, the ZEN is over!! AND instead it is going on two days full of anxiety!

I suppose that the cause of this anxiety is in the fact that I simply cannot get past the total disregard for reciprocation. I mean total. Hubby and I cooked, cleaned, poured drinks, engaged fully and completely in HOT sex, while C did little but act like a princess. Man, I make her out to sound bad, sometimes...and you have to believe me....she isn't. She is witty and charming and beautiful and has eyes to die for....but FUCK, please, lift a fucking finger once in a while!! (yes, pun intended ;) ).

Can you hear my angst? :eek:

Hubby and I had another heart to heart this morning. He says that he is continually worried about how I am taking things. Whether, I will be okay. He says it is too much for him to take. I told him that I didn't want to be responsible for the 'break up'. We are all so ENMESHED in this web. She will be crushed - losing a good man, BF, and a good friend, me. Too good. I probably should have been better with some boundaries of my own because I feel like I was a total doormat, and taken advantage of...I allowed it to occur, because of some fucked up notion that this is what BFFs do for each other. I also can't help feeling that she simply is using me....it is NOT a good situation for any of us. I will be crushed too. Hubby? Well, he will be too....and he was the only one steady in this whole thing. It is for him, that I feel the MOST bad.

I want a bit of time to wean myself off of my dependency. Hubby wants to go cold turkey. I am not sure of the right solution. I just know that this whole mess is NOT what it started out to be....and is going to get worse, before better.

Any advice welcome. :(

P2
 

sparky615

New member
Personally, I feel like "weening her off" only means leading her on, until such time as you feel you're ready to crush her feelings. Pull the bandaid off fast, is my advise
 

anotherbo

New member
I'd tend to agree with the band-aid post, except for one thing...

Reading the rest of this thread, there have already been times where one or more of you three have been fed up and called a halt to it all. A couple days later, its all back on track. You sure were spot-on calling this "The Polly Roller Coaster"!

For sure, leading her on would be cruel. On the other hand, you might not want to forge a permanent solution if you and hubby are likely to feel differently in a few days.

*hugs* and best of luck!


Anotherbo :)
 

PollyPocket

New member
For sure, leading her on would be cruel. On the other hand, you might not want to forge a permanent solution if you and hubby are likely to feel differently in a few days.

*hugs* and best of luck!


Anotherbo :)

As always, Anotherbo, I appreciate your comments. I go away this weekend for 4 days. No matter what decision we reach prior to that, it will be a difficult time away. The brain is such a powerful force....I am hoping that I can turn it off for a bit and focus on what I am away for!!

I feel so disappointed that I could NOT make this work!! BUT such is life...I guess....YUP, I failed!! :(

P2
 
Why do you take all the fault? It seems when there are 3 people in a relationship, there is fault enough for all. I certainly have messed up with both my guys. They both have messed up with me. It sucks sometimes and relationships are hard, between two. Adding other's is not always going to be easy. Life is more about walking through the hills, going into the valleys and up to the peaks.

Listen to what each person is saying. It seems like your husband has in the past said he wants to end and you push for things. It seems C has said things and they are what the be all seems to be. It seems like you push your feelings aside.
 

PollyPocket

New member
Listen to what each person is saying. It seems like your husband has in the past said he wants to end and you push for things. It seems C has said things and they are what the be all seems to be. It seems like you push your feelings aside.

LmBL, could you clarify that last part please?

I do feel a lot of responsibility....good and bad....through this whole thing. I tried so hard to make it work, but I am not that person. I thought I could. I feel rejected and left out, no matter what is happening....unless it is all in front of me. That is just me. Some people may call that 'nosy' or 'not minding their own business'.....but the feeling is the same, "left out...not picked for the team."

Sad. :(
 

anotherbo

New member
Why do you take all the fault? It seems when there are 3 people in a relationship, there is fault enough for all...It seems like you push your feelings aside.

I do feel a lot of responsibility....good and bad....through this whole thing. I tried so hard to make it work, but I am not that person. I thought I could. I feel rejected and left out, no matter what is happening....unless it is all in front of me. That is just me. Some people may call that 'nosy' or 'not minding their own business'.....but the feeling is the same, "left out...not picked for the team."

Sad. :(

Cut yourself some slack, P2! You've been working really hard at this. But there are three people involved, trying to do something absurdly difficult, that even people with experience in this lifestyle often can't pull off. Really I think you all deserve kudos for hanging in there at all; it would have been so much easier to just pull the plug!

You're a person who takes great responsiblity for your own actions, and your own life, I can tell. But sometimes things are just not within your sole control. And as this relationship has evolved, you've tried so hard to evolve with it, to a point that's way outside your comfort zone.

Don't beat yourself up! It makes no sense, since there are so many people on this site willing to do it for you! Bdsm for the win! ;)

more *hugs* and keep hanging in there!


Anotherbo :)

P.S. In regards to C... I know it hurts that she seems to choose your husband over you. But you have been picked for the team P2! You're the star player in your husband's life! But none of us, no matter how attractive, can get top billing all the time. I'm sure if you wish to keep trying a poly lifestyle, you'll find someone else wonderful who will make you feel loved, desired and cherished.
 
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P2

What I meant is acknowledge your feelings. Do not push them aside and say it's okay. You got an email from C last week, your words were something to the line of she gets rant, but I am crazy when I write. You need to acknowledge those feelings and state them. To C, to hubs and make sure that your heard.

No one gets to be the star all the time. I am the hinge with two men who are mono. They each have their drama and need there attention. They each have insecurities as do I.
 

PollyPocket

New member
Sunday, my head was nestled into each of their bods, somehow sandwiched, in a good way, wondering why and how I didn't 'feel' this bliss all the time. It was so spectacular. I felt the heroin drip into my veins and knew that this must be heaven (as much as an atheist can use that line! ;) ).

Tuesday night, NOW, and I am wondering how it all happened....could it simply be the downer of the high? Or is there something more? I just can't make sense of any of it sometimes.

Anotherbo, you DO have it right, that my man IS my team.

What a fricking ride....
P2
 

PollyPocket

New member
Wednesday night now and I leave town for 4 days starting tomorrow. Probably much of the anxiety that I have had this week is from that....yes, maybe it is the fuel that propels the rollercoaster! ;)

Tomorrow night, while I am gone, C and hubby go to a concert with friends (her friends). I think I feel okay about that. I know that they will have a good time and I do wish that I was there with them, but it's okay.

We haven't acted on anything this week. Just tried to play it cool. For me, this is challenging, but I have made it....and sooner or later, ya just gotta throw your hands up in the air and let be, what will be. Love is a powerful pill. Maybe, just maybe, better than heroin. ;)

Thanks again for your opinions...
P2
 

PollyPocket

New member
Tuesday afternoon now. The weekend away was full of little bits and pieces of drama but was okay. Hubby ended up breaking up with C on Saturday night. She was blown away and angry and it was not good. I came home Sunday night. I had stayed out of any contact with her for the whole weekend. Hubby was very sad and down and withdrawn. I tried to comfort but couldn't.

Monday morning, I received a long voice mail from C saying how sorry she was and that she had never meant to cause all this grief in all of our lives. I listened to it twice.
I responded with a long email on my take of the whole story. How she had seduced me, then falling in love with my husband and that I had never signed up for that. That is not what we were looking for. I am sorry that they had fallen in love, but choices had been made.

She called me after she read the email. I didn't answer. Then, she called again. Still I didn't answer. On the third time, I answered, she said that she was at my front door. I went and let her in and she hugged me and cried and said sorry and more sorry. She lit a cigerette and smoked. We shared it. She told me how she did love me and how she just didn't know what to do with me when the whole thing started. She didn't want to be in love with a girl, yet she had strong feelings for me. I poured a couple of drinks - Irish Whiskey. She said, let's go get drunk and talk. Really talk. Hubby wasn't home yet, but I txted him and he said, 'sure, go, have fun.' I guess he knows how the thought of losing this friend scares the shit out of me.

So off we went to the bar and we talked and talked and drank and got more drunk - you can see what is coming right? We went outside to the car for a cigerette, and I leaned toward her a bit and she kissed me, long and wonderful. I pulled back and said, we cannot go there. This is insane. We went back in and had another drink. Then paid up and left. As we got into the car, she touched me and turned to me, and came closer....another kiss. A really really hot kiss. We sat there and said, "No, we cannot do this". AND we just couldn't contain ourselves. We did. I broke all the rules. I fucked up badly. I tried to stop, but the wanting to hold her and be with her was so strong. No doubt fueled by booze. We were both quite drunk. ON a fricking Monday night.

Afterwards, she said to me, 'so that was close to making up with all three of us right?' AND I am like, 'what? No, it is over for all 3. I don't know what that was, just lust I think.' 'So you treated me like a toy and now you will dispose of me again?' I said, 'C, it was a mistake'. We made a big mistake.

I took a cab home and told hubby when I arrived - it was at 11 PM. I tested the waters first by saying that it was just a kiss. He moved to the couch. Today, he is not talking to me. We have had a few texts back and forth and he is so so angry. I finally came clean in one of the texts and said that we had had sex, as much as two women can have sex.

He asked me to go to a hotel tonight which I will do.

I know that this whole mess is so complicated. Both of them being forced to break up because of me. Because of my inability to deal with them being in love. Then me to break the boundaries that I made. What a moron I am! There are a ton of other dynamics of play. One that I keep thinking about is why did C come to my house? Did she want to seduce me again - afterall, I am a very ez mark - in hopes of getting back together?

I am hoping that a little time and space can help everyone out in this mess....but we were playing with fire and I think that we got burned bad. Maybe even costing our marriage.

Any thoughts or advice is welcome.
P2
 

TL4everu2

New member
P2 - :( So sad for you girl. Really, I am. I know you feel like crap, and you alreayd know you messed up, so I won't re-hash that for you again. You feel bad enough. I can offer up a hug though. I will not go over where your mistakes were. Please learn from them and NEVER make them again. :/

Moving forward.........

I would tell your husband that you want to talk with him. One on one. Just the two of you in a public place. This will help to minimize the yelling and screaming. Expect to be told off. It will happen. And, I hate to say it, you deserve it. :/ Expect him to storm off. It may happen. I honestly hope not though. Explain to him that while you had a LOT to drink, you are taking full responsibility for your actions, and will accept any consequenses FROM those actions.....However bad they are. Explain to him that you KNOW you messed up and betrayed his trust. My suggestion, take a break from anything poly or even close to it, for a while. Until you are both strong enough to accept it again....if that ever comes up again. Also, you have to (and I can not stress this enough) YOU MUST COMPLETELY cut C out of your life. COMPLETELY! She may be the reason for you loosing your marriage. She took advantage of you while you were weak and vunerable. That is what the old english would call "poor form".

Sadly signing off....for now. I really am sad for you P2 and am crying for you and your hubby. (C can go to hell as far as I'm concerned)
 

rabbit

New member
^I don't see why C should go to hell. I think she got as fucked over as anyone else.

Hoping for peace for all of ya.
 

TL4everu2

New member
^ C had no business going over to P2 after her hubby had broken it off. P2 made an effort to ignore and actually TOLD C that it just should not happen. C kept pressing the issue. P2 is not completely innocent here, but C should have left her and her hubby alone as they BOTH expressed a desire not to see C again.

C could end up being a huge reason for a good marriage to split up. And for what? a piece of ass? Come on.
 

anotherbo

New member
Sadly signing off....for now. I really am sad for you P2 and am crying for you and your hubby. (C can go to hell as far as I'm concerned)
(...later...)​
^ C had no business going over to P2 after her hubby had broken it off. P2 made an effort to ignore and actually TOLD C that it just should not happen. C kept pressing the issue. P2 is not completely innocent here, but C should have left her and her hubby alone as they BOTH expressed a desire not to see C again.

C could end up being a huge reason for a good marriage to split up. And for what? a piece of ass? Come on.

Do you feel like you've made an effort to understand what C has been going through, TL? She fucked up no doubt, or worse she made a calculated attempt to seduce P2... but these actions didn't happen in a vacuum.

(more later, my larger post got lost in the ether)

For now I'll just add, I'm so sorry P2, and I hope you're ok.
 

TL4everu2

New member
I will readily admit that I am basing my reactions and opinions off of ONE SIDE of the story. And it has been MY experience that there are two or sometimes even THREE sides to almost every story. And then there is what actually happened.

Since I was not there to witness it all, and C is not on the board, and neither is P2's hubby, I have only one side of the story to go off of. ;) I have no reason to believe that P2 is lying. I also have no reason to think that P2 is ommitting any information or relevant parts of the story. She makes it readily apparent that she messed up. And, she is readily accepting the blame. However, if C had left and not returned, as requested by P2's hubby, then this would never have been a problem. ;)
 
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