^ C had no business going over to P2 after her hubby had broken it off. P2 made an effort to ignore and actually TOLD C that it just should not happen. C kept pressing the issue. P2 is not completely innocent here, but C should have left her and her hubby alone as they BOTH expressed a desire not to see C again.
C could end up being a huge reason for a good marriage to split up. And for what? a piece of ass? Come on.
Thanks TL. It is Wednesday morning now and I am still grasping to find perspective. I know that it was MY FAULT. BUT WHY?? Yes, tequila was a big factor - it just loosened me to what I had wanted and longed for for so long. Just a bit of one on one time, and fuck, SOME honesty. Her honesty to me, actually saying that she had to MAKE A CONSCIOUS decision to not allow herself to fall in love with me. I had thought that I was so 'crazy' for reading all the words and actions wrong. I had thought wow, how could I be so wrong. AND now, she tells me, that I was right. Now. After two months of heartfelt rejection. Oh, I sucked it up. I tried to get over it. I said that I wasn't 'in love' with her. Honestly, I don't know if I was or am. I know that when I am with her, I want to touch her and to hold her.
She has been emailing me over the past two days, and calling, checking in to see if I am alright. I know that she does love me..but she is soooo IN LOVE with my husband. It's a bad situation. If I didn't have any feelings, it would be one thing....but I do. How did this all go so wrong?
After 22 years of marriage, we get complacent I guess....we don't tell each other how much we are still IN LOVE with our spouses, how beautiful they look, how sexy they make us feel, how we want to fuck them in the middle of the grocery store, how fabulous they smell. WE let it all be replaced with some sort of NRE that takes over our lives. I am sure if we could all see the one on one emails to C (and vica versa), those phrases and words are scattered throughout on them, on both of our accounts. BUT to each other. To the most important person in my life, did I say or receive them? Probably not.
C called me this morning to see how I was. I said, 'a mess'. She had asked me yesterday if she wanted her to take the bullet for me, saying that it was all her fault. I said, 'no'. I told her this morning that I felt used by her. That she preyed on me when I most vulnerable, fucked me thinking that it would make everyone make up, then was surprised when I said, 'what are you talking about?' To her, it feels like I used her as a toy just to get off. I don't understand this....I just was so full of desire for her that I could not contain myself. She called me a bunch of names for telling her that she used me, and hung up and said that we could not be friends anymore. I had said the same thing yesterday. The thought of this kills me but I must be strong somehow. Hubby and C are going through the same hell.
We all played with fire....and we all are burning as we speak.
Words seem superfluous now.