The Vandalin Saga...

Almost 2 weeks...

So, it's been almost two weeks with no contact between me and Elric except one short email to him basically saying that what sucks most about not being friends on FB is that I can't TP his barn on FarmVille. If you don't play any of the games there, you may not get the reference, but basically it was just a friendly little note, no whining, weeping, wailing, "miss you's" (technically) or any of that. Just a Happy April Fools Day and watch out for the pranksters.

Except now, after almost two weeks, I'm wondering why we are really doing this. I know that a part of it is to "prove" that I am truly done with wanting a relationship more than friendship, but how does us not being FB friends and not communicating at all prove anything? I suppose if you look at it from a "can she follow through" POV, ok... but this just seems silly. I've actually seen him online more these last two weeks since he turned one of his other IM accounts on again (which he hadn't been using for the last month or so).

I am willing to continue with this, but I am starting to wonder the purpose. Is he truly getting anything out of this? I don't feel that I am as I thought I would. I really think that my turning point was after our Saturday chat and before he unfriended me that first time. I reacted strongly because I thought we were finally getting on the same page and I was finally happy with where we were and where we were headed, then poof!

Anyway, I guess I'm saying that I miss my friend. I miss hearing about his daughter and how his life is going. Just typical friend things really. I'm not having "withdrawals" from our chats like I used to when we first started chatting; it's more of just a general ache when you miss a good friend. I like that that is the extent of how I am feeling. It's reassuring that I'm finally where I need to be emotionally in order to have a platonic friendship with him.

I would love for him to make the first move and either friend me or email/text/IM me to see how I'm doing, but I'm pretty sure he won't, at least not for a month or so, because he is unsure of how I might react or if it will set me back again. Sure, part of the reason is because it would be nice for some confirmation that he and I are ok and that he is not upset with me anymore, maybe even that he believes that I am OK now. But part is also because I can't back down now from what I said, no matter how silly and senseless this seems to me now. So other than a text for Easter and a message as to when I'll be having my c-section, that's probably all the communication we will have for the next couple months...and it sucks.

So, that's where I am at right now. I'll keep y'all posted. :)
lol, that's ok Ygirl. Life is a rollercoaster and sometimes it is hard to keep up with the turns and rises and falls. Actually it's more like a soap opera. ;)

We had refriended basically for a day because what he thought was helping, him unfriending me to give me a boost to my proposed decision, ended up throwing me for a complete loop as I had no idea why he did it. We talked a bit, but as it was during his work day we couldn't talk a lot. I then sent him an email that night confirming that ok, let's do this. We both seemed to "need time" and so I/we agreed to a hiatus from FB friend stuff but not email, text or other IM until after my baby was born. So we are currently on that break.

Kinda clarify?
This little girl is happier than a tornado in a trailer park (love that line!)

So, in essence I made the first move. Elric and another mutual friend "friended" each other on FB and since I had been such a good girl lately I thought I'd take a peek at his profile and see if he had gotten the new job or added pics of his daughter. What I saw worried me and so I took the chance and asked if everything was ok.

We talked a bit that first night and he actually thanked me for asking, then last night I sent him a YouTube video, basically a hang on you aren't alone type of song, and also a link to a project I was working on with him in mind (he's thinking of starting his own business) and the resulting reply was a friend request telling me that he's missed me and how I always seem to know what to say to get his head on straight or at least make him smile. :)

So we are friends again and it feels good. I have a smile on my face and a smile in my heart and no doubts or reservations in the slightest. Damn it feels good. I'd say we are finally back to normal, but our normal really hasn't been that healthy so I'll just say, we are finally back and life seems good. :)

The rollercoaster is soaring high, hopefully it can stay that way for a while if not permanently. :D
Copied from another thread to keep from derailing that thread...hope the mods don't mind the semi-double post. :rolleyes:

sucky, sucky and more sucky. I found out this afternoon that I do indeed have Gestational Diabetes to go with my high blood pressure which could eventually turn into preclampsia (again). I didn't have the GD last time, just the preclampsia. So now I have to start going to a new dr. and find out if I have to do insulin or if diet will be enough. :( To top it off, Cajun is on a plane right now to NC for work and won't be back until late tomorrow night (maybe not even early Friday morning depending on flight delays and crap). My first apt and class is Friday and in order for him to go, which I know when I do get to tell him tonight he will want to go to, means he would have to take basically the entire day off of work and I don't think he'll be able to do that easily. Right now I just wish I had my wonderful supportive Cajun to hold me and tell me everything will be ok. I'm not too worried, but this really is not a good thing. Not only is baby and I at higher risk then before, but now I am also at a higher risk of developing full blown diabetes later and I really don't want to have to deal with that. I like my Mommy Dew!!! and the diet and sugar free stuff sucks beyond belief!
So it's been awhile since I've updated my "blog" here and I don't like being on the second page either. ;)

Still coming to my own realizations and understandings when it comes to Elric. We are doing really well in our friendship although we don't talk as much as I would like, once a week maybe. But he did just start a new job which is great and hopefully will boost his confidence and self-esteem again.

Me... I am finding that I still love him as much as I did last year (wow we are coming up on a full year of this, in fact yesterday would be our "one year") and I still would love to have more than just the platonic relationship that we have, but I am ok with not pursuing it. Maybe this is what Mono meant before when he said that "It's a matter of getting passed the physical methods of sharing that love..."

I'm not sure where I'm heading with this, maybe just to put down the thoughts that have been in my brain the last few weeks. Just kinda rambling I guess. The hormones make me do it!
I may be suffering from a slight case of NRE...more details as they come. :D
Yep, definitely getting those NRE hormones ramping thanks to OKC and a Ren Faire costume. lol

I received a message from a gent who was very interested in meeting me and finds me very attractive. We've talked a few times this week, nice long convos, some flirting, a bit of discussing what we are looking for, etc. And now I really want to meet this guy. I've had a smile on my face more this week than I have since the NRE days of Elric and myself.

I don't usually move this fast, chatting to meeting I mean, but something feels good and right. My only reservations are that he has never been in a poly or open relationship, and this may be a rebound for him.

On the positive side again, this could be good for Cajun and I as this would be another first for us... me dating. And even if this turns out to be just a short term thing, at least we will have more experience and know better what we can handle. If it ends up being more long term...then we will have other things to deal with.

So it looks like Vandalin may be joining the poly ranks again as opposed to just sitting on the sidelines. :)
I hate NRE. Can't control myself sometimes and get over eager. Well, hopefully we'll see if I scared the guy off soon. At least this time is was only short lived and not almost a year worth of emotional turmoil.

*edit to add rant and thoughts...
Here's the problem. When something like this happens, where you are having a great conversation and are starting to plan getting together and he suddenly vanishes from the conversation and you don't hear from him in two days yet see him popping on and off line again, if I am more upset with him for not letting me know what's going on or at myself for for getting paranoid or interested so quickly.

I mean we were in the middle of figuring out where to meet and there were no indications that something was wrong, then poof, he's logged off. Technical error is possible as he didn't come on again that night. But the next day I see him on and off both his OKC and Gmail accounts and I sent an IM once or twice, really only once or twice, and received nothing back. No reply, no message. I sent a message last night with a location but wanted his feedback for when (for obvious reasons) and I even went out on a limb and left my number... no reply, again.

So am I being paranoid thinking that he's now avoiding me for some reason unknown to me when in fact he's just been really busy and hasn't had the time to write back, or did he "chicken out" and either doesn't feel the need to say, "sorry not interested anymore" or just doesn't know what to say to me.

Over analyze much? So when I say I hate NRE, I suppose I mean that I hate when NRE lets me down or builds me up too high. Bah...too much time on my hands and not enough brain numbing activities to occupy it. lol
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So we talked again and were in the middle of setting up the get together and he disappeared again. Could be bad connection or something, that's fine. I sent him a message Sunday night telling him I'm still interested in meeting him and asking if he was changing his mind or had any concerns. No reply, and he's not replying to my 2-3 IM's so I'm done trying. I told him that he can find me if he wants to and I'll stop bugging him.

Hurts a little cause of that darned NRE. Was getting all excited at meeting him and seeing how well we got along and what kind of RL chemistry there might be. But hey, it happens. So either he'll contact me or not. I'll go on with life. :(
New guy needs a name...

So, last guy is out of the picture, he never contacted me and I'm ok with that. Now on to the new stuff...

So I don't know if I mentioned anywhere (I can't find any posts) about one of the other guys that I started talking to through OKC. He had IM'd me after doing a search and started asking me about being pregnant. I thought it was kinda funny and so after a few more questions I basically asked if he had a pregnancy fetish and that if he did, it was ok but just be honest about it. I think I shocked him. He admitted to it and apologized about not coming out about it right away because normally when he says anything to other preg gals, they freak out.

We started having conversations every day or two, nothing serious just chatting about this and that although he'd ask the same couple of questions each time and I admit it was getting a little disappointing. Then one day I came online and when he said hi I stated some of the problems I was having that day and he basically said, oh that sucks... whatcha wearing? (one of those questions) I ended the conversation, kinda avoided him for a couple days and when he found me again I told him what was up. He apologized and we had our FIRST normal, non sexual/fetish-like conversation. It was kinda refreshing.

We've now been talking for about 2.5 months, bouncing between totally platonic conversations and flirting. We live over 1000 miles apart and he's not really interested in getting involved in a poly relationship but he likes me as a person, probably cause he finds the honesty refreshing, and he's attracted to me (even without the baby belly).

Within the last week or so he's had some romance issues and we had talked about them and I think really bonded platonically. But we've also started getting more intense in the flirting too, not cybering mind you, but definitely suggestive and arousing for both of us. I let him have my cell number and we texted for a few days and then I finally said he could call. Dang, what a voice! lol If a person could fall just from a voice, I'd be head over heels. But that's what seems strange to me. I even relented and sent him a couple pics (nothing x rated mind you, maybe pg-13 though) including one that Cajun took and "approved" of himself.

We've talked about meeting in person, he'd take a trip out here as his best friend lives out here as well, and we'd get together. And by getting together we both think and feel that certain things would happen, and we both want them to happen. The strange part is that I have no clue how I really feel about him. He's a really sweet guy, a total ladies man in a good way, cute in a cuddly sweet kind of way, and I've mentioned his voice. ;) I can definitely see us as friends for a long long time, but being sexually intimate while having no real romantic feelings for him?

This is one of the things that I've been pondering lately, bed rest gives one lots of time to do nothing after all. This question came up for me with the last guy and has come to the forefront again with ... hmm, a name for him. I'll come up with something later ... this one.

I have had one sexual relationship before where I knew there would be no real future and there were definitely no romantic feelings, so I know that it is within me. But that was also shortly after a really bad breakup and I think it was more about feeling desired then anything else. I honestly don't think that being sexually intimate with this guy will "cause" me to fall for him, I'm not really even getting the normal NRE feelings, at least nothing on the scale of a real romantic attachment.

The one lucky thing about all this is that I do have time to figure out how I really feel and what I might be comfortable with (and Cajun too, not meaning to leave him out of this in any way). He wouldn't be able to come visit for 6 months or more and alot can happen in that time, including he could get a real girlfriend in which case he would not be able to do anything other than hangout with me, and I wouldn't do anything with him unless I had her ok anyways.

I think what seems to be bothering me most though, is that I could love him as a friend and normally I think that I would, but something seems to be holding me back. I don't get any negative feelings about him, I'm not worried that he'll stop talking to me next week after the baby is born and I'm not pregnant any more. But I definitely feel like there is something keeping me from feeling more than simple friendship...which for me is very strange considering how much and what we've talked about (non sexually speaking). He says that he loves me as a friend and that he feels a special bond between us, he even texted me after my apt. yesterday to make sure I was ok, and I'm here plucking at the strings of our relationship trying to find those strands he's speaking of to see how I feel, yet coming up strangely silent. Just a bit confused right now but at least it's not a roller coaster confusion again.

Ok, this was another one of my long info dump postings apparently. lol A bit less dramatic than usual and I'm not sure if it's been helpful to me yet or not. Ah well. Another week and my brain will be filled with feeding, sleeping and new baby.
:D Best of luck for the coming week! Thoughts and prayers (I don't know if you have an ism...but I am I pray) are with you and the baby! Take care of yourself. Mani and pedi in a couple of weeks or some other me time activity mamacita!:)
Thanks MG! Although I don't really have an -ism, all positive thoughts and prayers are always welcome. :) Me time activity will be getting my hair washed again! lol Maybe a date with the hubby/daddy too would be nice.
Still can't come up with a name...

So baby is here, my little Prince, and we are all very happy to finally have him home and attached to me on the outside as opposed to the inside. He's doing really well and it is nice not to have more stress from what could have been another screamer in the house. He is so mellow, I just hope it lasts. :D

While in the hospital my LD friend, who I still can't come up with a proper name for, was very attentive, wanting to talk and make sure I was doing ok, but I only really talked to him once and that was the day I finally got out of the hospital. It was probably the hormones going wacky again, but I actually felt more distanced from him then before. I would text him and not get a reply at times which kinda hurt, and the one time we were going to try to talk things kept popping up and getting in the way. I told him how I was feeling and he reassured me that everything was fine, he wasn't going anywhere because I wasn't pregnant anymore and that if I ever needed to talk just say so and he would call.

I've been talking to him the last hour or so and he was telling me about the girl he had hung out with and how he was feeling about her and the other girl he's kinda interested in and I feel envious. Not jealous (if I can't have it, you can't have it) but envious (dang, I wish I could have that). I don't mind listening to him talk about these gals, I actually enjoy hearing about his "adventures" which are mostly pg rated anyways.

I'm going somewhere with this, really I am. lol One thing that I discovered while still in the hospital is that I do love him, but it's different than I'm used to. It's very subtle and quiet, no heart pounding rushes or electric jolts or anything like that, just one minute it wasn't there and the next it was. I'm not "in love" with him and I don't know if that could/would ever happen. But I "like" him that way I suppose, and I love him as a friend.

I'm not sure why this is so weird for me. I have male friends who I love as friends, some of which I find attractive, so what makes this one so different?
I've been talking to him the last hour or so and he was telling me about the girl he had hung out with and how he was feeling about her and the other girl he's kinda interested in and I feel envious. Not jealous (if I can't have it, you can't have it) but envious (dang, I wish I could have that). I don't mind listening to him talk about these gals, I actually enjoy hearing about his "adventures" which are mostly pg rated anyways.

This is very sweet and human and applicable to anyone who has felt they needed something more in his/her life. Not so strange at all. We have all different kinds of ways to love and cherish friendships.
Love to you, family and the new Prince!
It's been a month and a half since my last update and I have news! Two news actually, but first I'll start by saying that Mommy and little Prince are both doing well, things are going not quite smoothly but close enough...and here I will pause to re-plug the baby. lol

Alrighty then, on to the new developments. I've mentioned previously about my LDR friend who up until now I haven't come with a creative nom de plume. I shall now name him... Bucky. So my friend Bucky is coming to visit, a lot sooner than we all had expected. Originally he wouldn't have been able to afford it for at least 6 months to a year. He's planning on coming in October! :) He and I are very excited, we are already trying to plan what to do and we don't know exactly which weekend he's coming yet. We both really want to meet each other and get to know each other in person and more intimately. I foresee some definite physical contact happening, in fact I will probably stay at the hotel with him one or two nights...but I think that would happen anyways.

I know that previously I said I wasn't sure how or what I felt about him, but I'm ok with not being able to define it now. I care for him very much, I love him as a friend, and I think I would love to share myself physically with him ...if that makes sense. "Intimate friends" I think is what I saw it referred as.

The hard part with Bucky is that he is mono, and although he is okay with me being married and in an open/poly relationship, he is uncomfortable and a bit jealous if I mention other guys I talk to. I knew it was a subject that had to be discussed because even though we are not a "couple" we are friends and have strong feelings for each other. I told him that it was up to him whether he wanted to know about any other guy I am interested in or go on dates with. He feels bad and not as good a friend, but he doesn't really want to hear about it. I told him that it was alright and that I understood, and that I won't discuss my dating with him. I'm not a big supporter of the DADT policy, but since we are not "together" and even when he does visit, that will probably be a one time thing (unless I go visit him which is another thought altogether), so I think it would be alright. I did tell him that as far as having sex with anyone else, that he shouldn't worry, that I would really like for him to be my "first" if we are to have sex. So unless we were to try to meet up again in the future, any other sexual relations I have would be irrelevant to him.

Which brings me to my second bit of news. I have a date. :D This gentleman I will call Carl. No, that's not his name, but he looks more like a Carl than what his name really is. So I met Carl through OKC. He sent me a message not long after the little Prince was born, and he was doing a search for poly people and that I was one of the only newer poly's that he's found. Conversation ensued for the last two months where I found out that he and his wife are in a similar situation that Cajun and I are in. His wife came out as poly and he is working on accepting it and embracing the lifestyle himself. His wife has a BF and he is looking for community and dating. He asked me out last week and we are getting together Monday night for "coffee" and ice cream. :)

I think what I like best about Carl is that unlike the other guys that I'm talking to, he and I haven't talked about sex at all. Don't get me wrong, the other guys talk about other things, but flirting and sex seem to be most on their minds or at least their fingertips. So I am actually very glad that Carl was the first to ask and we were able to set something up so quickly. He is also very respectful and understanding of Cajun and the possible emotions that he might feel while we are out on our date. He even put himself out as the "sacrificial lamb" of a first date to help us along the poly path. ;) And even if there is no chemistry, we at least come away with a common goal of understanding this thing called Poly.

So this is where I'm at. Comments, questions and critiques are always welcome.

And as a final note, Cajun has finally joined the forums! I know everyone here will be as helpful to him as you have for me, but I must warn you...if you thought my rambling posts are long, just wait. ;)

Translation to come later. :( :( :( :( :(

In-house support error second tier... please pause system for cool down.

Yeah, I know it's been awhile and this post is weird, but bear with me...a lot has happened in the last 2 months... past 2 weeks especially.

Translation to come later. :( :( :( :( :(

In-house support error second tier... please pause system for cool down.

Yeah, I know it's been awhile and this post is weird, but bear with me...a lot has happened in the last 2 months... past 2 weeks especially.

Hi ya Van...waiting for the word processing to happen. Very cryptic! Just know I am thinking about ya and hoping you are ok.:(
I can't believe that it's been 6 months! since my last update. Bad Van! Bad!

So short version of the last 6 months... My little Prince is almost 10 months old, my Jewel is now 4 years old and Cajun and I are leaving Friday for our 5 year Anniversary trip and will be gone for 2 whole weeks! (no kids, no family, no drama!) I am poly-single still. Things didn't work out with Carl (see above), worse than I thought but not totally surprised. Bucky and I still talk every day almost and are really good friends. I've talked to a few more guys and met two, one is now a friend and one..."well the ice cream was good" is how I felt about meeting him.

Cajun and I are doing really well. He is still not looking for "outside attention" but is still very supportive of my searches. A realization I came to in the last few months that I keep asking myself... when did I become a MILF?!

I am getting tired of the "dating scene" already. Most guys who contact me are in their early or mid 20's, possibly cougar hunters, and are mostly just looking for sex, which is not what I'm looking for... at least not solely looking for. I figured that the best way to describe what I'm looking for is rather simple, I'm looking for a boyfriend. Someone to go out on dates with, someone to hang out with, someone to be a little (or a lot) physical with, someone who wants or is willing to allow romantic feelings grow between us.

As for the last message that was all confusing and such. Short story is my sis and I had a bit of a flare up since being told about hubby and my open relationship and I went to talk to Elric about what she had said and to get his opinion. He worded things very very badly, so badly that I had to leave the conversation in tears. He apologized the next day and explained what he was trying to say. It's kinda messy when someone doesn't agree with what you are doing but stands behind and supports you while you are doing it.

Now for the prompting issue that made me finally get my arse over here and post (leaving FB sitting for a change). Cajun and I, as I mentioned, will be traveling a little for our anniversary. The bulk of our time will be on a cruise ship checking out Alaska. But we will be leaving and returning through Vancouver, BC! I even planned it out so that we would have a full day on each end of the cruise to check out Vancouver and maybe, just maybe, meet some of the awesome people here. Shortish notice, I know, but We will be there on May 1st through 3rd and then again from May 10th through 12th, the 2nd (Tuesday) and 11th (Wednesday) being the full days. So far the only thing we really want to do (the only thing I remember that is) is check out the Steam-powered clock(?) (have to look it up before we leave Friday). Not sure what else to do, so even if you can't/don't want to meet us, any ideas on things to do in Vancouver would be appreciated.

Now didn't y'all miss my long posts? lol