Trying to avoid disaster

findingmyway

findingmyway

New member
Divorced, straight, vanilla with sprinkles

My ex hubby tried to force a poly relationship on me. This was after many years of marriage (I was monogamous, he definitely was not). I was given no say, other than accept it or leave. It did not go well.

Years later, I find myself interested in polyamory, but on my terms. I care about two men. Both know about each other. I don't want anyone to get hurt. One lives locally. The other does not. Anyhow...here I am.
 
Welcome! Are either of them already polyamorous, or are you all figuring this out together?
 
icesong said:
Welcome! Are either of them already polyamorous, or are you all figuring this out together?
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One has experience swinging and is ok with open relationships. I met him first. If he hadn't been ok, I would never have talked to #2. I was upfront with #2 and he seems ok. I will rarely see #1. He lives in another state.

I guess I'm just more curious if this could work. Much is hypothetical, especially since I will rarely, if ever, get to see #1. I've just never cared about two people like I do now.
 
findingmyway said:
One has experience swinging and is ok with open relationships. I met him first. If he hadn't been ok, I would never have talked to #2. I was upfront with #2 and he seems ok. I will rarely see #1. He lives in another state.

I guess I'm just more curious if this could work. Much is hypothetical. Esp since I will rarely, if ever get to see #1. I've just never cared about two people like I do now.
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Sure it can work. The best thing to do is to get as well informed as you can about polyamory/ethical non-monogamy in general, in order to avoid making common mistakes.

Please see our Golden Nuggets section (where there are many merged threads on specific topics; it's a gold mine), and our recommended resources (articles, books and a podcast). And just keep reading around the board on any topic that interests you.



You can ask questions here, but pretty much every topic has been covered dozens of times. Our board goes back to 2009!
 
Welcome.

It will work or not on its own.

Your connection with #1 is one dyad. It will unfold as it will. You two will figure out if this dyad is compatible or not. It might require travel and other LDR-dating things, from the sound of it.

Your connection with #2 is a separate dyad. It will unfold as it will. You two will figure out if this dyad is compatible or not. It will require local dating things.

I've just never cared about two people like I do now.
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Well... someone(s) has to be the first poly partner(s), right? It's ok to enjoy it for what it is and enjoy getting to know this side of yourself.

Galagirl
 
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Hello findingmyway,

It's definitely possible to love two people at the same time, I myself am in an MFM V so I have seen it work in practice. You just have to learn as much as you can about poly.

Regards,
Kevin T.
 
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