Trying to figure out who I am.


New member
My life could be a reality series. Many of us probably think that here. It's just crazier than words and makes no real sense, at first at least.

I've been surrounded by sex my whole life (literally, my father made lifestyle gear by trade), but I've never really felt a draw to the sex part itself, until recently. I still am far more in the emotional side of things than the physical.

I have always had mono relationships, but I always felt like I needed more. When I met my ex-husband at 22, I fell head over heels and he was my god. We had a ton of struggles, abuse, addiction issues, cheating...all the normal stuff that happens in the dysfunctional relationships, and then after almost 10 years it ended. I was devastated, he was my 1...he was not devastated.

So, I contacted a (married) high school friend and got passionate quick and within days he was at my house every night for a year and then things went sour, as they usually do in these things. He cheated, I helped him...not super proud of all that, but in all our talks and time together, he introduced me to something that have a feeling I will be grateful for forever.

Poly. I haven't quite figured out the "rules" yet, or what exactly this means for me...I mean, I do still have jealousy issues, and trust issues... But the possibilities are very real for me. I have said for the longest time ever, no one person can give us everything we need. It works for some, I guess...but when I realized that this was something other people could relate to, I was elated.

My most current issue is that darn ex-husband. He has come into my life again, we can't seem to stay away from each other no matter how much we want to. A little over a year ago, I hated him and deleted every trace of him in my life that I could. A short time ago, we somehow popped back into each other's lives. We supported each other as we broke up with our former significant others, who we both very much cared about, within a day of each other. He randomly came on my week-long vacation to a friend’s house to get away from it cause it happened my vacation fell the same weekend I broke up with my ex. Now, we're talking about the chance to have a life where we both can have what we need. How to even frame that yet is confusing. It focuses on respect, trust, communication and sex. How is this even possible...three years ago...we hated each other. Confusing to say the least.

That extremely long and needlessly detailed introduction aside :p ...I have decided to finally look into this world I am so interested in learning more about and figuring out if it's what I need, want and deserve to live. Hoping that this is a good community to do it and that I can make some good friends and mentors.

Hi MissPan - welcome to the Forum! It sounds like you have a very positive outlook coming into this - and I believe you will find the Forum to be quite helpful in your exploration - lots of experienced, helpful poly folks here with lots of sound advice and solid info.

Poly. I haven't quite figured out the "rules" yet, or what exactly this means for me..

The only real rule, imho at least, is the rule that defines poly - "knowledge and consent of all involved". Other than that, there is no one right way to do poly - the very first thing I was told when I decided to research poly. There are plenty of opinions out there, however - and I'm sure you will find some to be quite useful.

Again, welcome - and best of luck on your poly journey! Al
Greetings MissPan,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

I read your other thread and responded there briefly. I think the key thing is to proceed slowly, hopefully your ex-husband is willing to proceed slowly with you. Having said that, I encourage you to read up and thoroughly explore this site. There is a lot of wisdom here.

Glad to have you with us.
Kevin T., "official greeter" :)


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Welcome aboard!
My third

Yes. I've been looking for myself too. Right now I'm on my third phase😁.

I call it my thrd life. My first I was younger. Responsible worked all the time. Paid my bills. Yeah boring.
My second I was in my late thirties and early fourties. Still worked still responsible only I started to think differently. Feel differently. I was more open minded to people and doors opening for new things. I wanted to experience new people new things.
But now I'm on my third life. This one I like. I'm keeping it for awhile. I feel very free. Free in my mind to really feel. I'm more open to discussion and possibilities. I feel more beauty everywhere. I see more beauty everywhere. It's almost religious but not quite. Guess I'm a late bloomer so to speak. I want to enjoy everything on a deeper level.
I'll sit outside and just drink. Drink everything in. Sounds sights smells. I close my eyes after a rain and I can smell the wet moss on a 🌲. See the raindrops fall from one leaf to another. Really. I'm absorbing every second every voice everyone. I'm loving every minute of it.
No I'm not on any illicit drugs. Just high on life. High on love. Love of my new life.
Isn't it wonderful? Sounds like you are definitely feeling more sensory...which is my fave! I am lucky to have found a better path for myself in my 30's. We'll see how it goes.

Welcome to the forum!