Tyler Durden, Polyamory, and Chinese Underground Gangs


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There is a great scene in the movie Fight Club when the main character, played by Ed Norton, has a life-changing self-realization. His face fills the screen, big the way gods are big, and his voice over says, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please return your seats to the full, upright position." In that one moment, the entire plot jackknifes off the Pretty-Normal-Highway and explodes in a fireball of OMFG-What's-Happening-Here?

Last night my wife (PLove) and I went out dancing and drinking with T and her periodic boyfriend. Short backstory: I cheated on my wife with T, no sex (yes I get that doesn't make a difference because emotional infidelity is just as, if not more, damaging than physical); T and I fell in love; short affair, started, ended, started again; PLove says drop, stop, and roll or else I'm leaving; I concede; T wants to meet my wife just to clear the air, clean the karmic debt, discuss the train wreck of me; they go out for dinner one night and

"Ladies and Gentlemen, please return your seats to the full, upright position."

when my wife returns she says, "If it wasn't for you having cheated with her, I would say that I've just met my new best friend."

The next day T calls and suggests we all go out for drinks, try to rebuild bridges, cure the wounds, get everything out on the table, and see if there is a possibility for all of us (periodic boyfriend included) to.....hell, I'm not really sure WHAT we were supposed to do. I guess we were all just trying not to let all of this turn into a sequel to "We Don't Live Here Anymore".

Before the end of the night Ladies and Gentlemen, please return your seats to the full, upright position my wife and T had made out, then all three of us made out, then the periodic boyfriend tried hooking up with PLove and failed, then I got drunk, then T told PLove that she had strong feelings for her and that they had started the moment she had seen her when they went out for drinks, then we all (sans periodic boyfriend) talked about becoming a...I don't know what you would call us...triad? No, not a Chinese criminal organization but...this is where my brain starts to ache...I think we would all be together in a relationship of sorts, or that T would date both of us together...or something.

This all feels really weird, surreal, and somehow also really normal and healthy. Had a lot of cognitive dissonance slamming my psyche while watching PLove and T dance, hold hands, and...okay let me share this with you all, it was the moment when the plot jackknifed for me:

There I am, sitting alone while PLove and T went to the restroom and the Periodic Boyfriend was standing in line at the bar to get another vodka & tonic. So PLove and T come running up to me, holding onto each other and laughing. T says, "(drowned by music and crowd noise)...made out in the bathroom! It was so hot! I am so excited, it was so intense and I just don't know what this mean!" I THOUGHT she was talking about the Periodic Boyfriend, saying that they had gone in the restroom and kissed, that she was excited because maybe that meant he would go from being Periodic to being Constant. But then my wife looks at me and says, "Are you OK with this, baby? Are you angry with me?" That's when Ladies and Gentlemen, please return your seats to the full, upright position I realized that what T had been trying to yell over the crowd and booming music was that she and my WIFE had just made out in the restroom. Ellipses can be cruel.


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"Fight Club was the beginning, now it's moved out of the basement, it's called Project Mayhem." ~ Tyler Durden

I enjoyed the hell out of this post. All the best to you, sir.


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I know what you mean about the word "triad" - I prefer Samuel R Delany's coinage: "a triple". Like a couple, but triplier :).


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Well, if nothing else this entire experience has opened my wife and I up to new parts of ourselves, each other, and our relationship. PLove and I have always tried to focus on growing together, not apart, and I've found a new love and deeper appreciation for the sacred woman she is through all of this. Her gracious forgiveness for my stupidity and selfishness, her courage to keep engaging with me even when she was hurt, and her own boldness at opening up new places within herself...all have contributed to an even deeper awareness in me of her complexity, her bright soulfulness, and the undeniable power of her heart.