Nov 24, 2015, so it's been … almost 7 years
since that last post. Damn. That relationship itself only lasted 4.5 years. You got a new forum and everything, but my post is still here.
So, I got over her
after that, but I never really recovered from the breakup. I've been … wounded ever since. 😔 So I remembered this thread and thought maybe it would be helpful to post here again.
I think looking for a therapist is a good idea, and I hope you'll still keep posting here.
I've cycled through a bunch of chat therapists/coaches but they don't really do much. (Yes, therapist, I agree 100% with you that I was objectively happier in relationships than I am now, just like I agree 100% that I don't have anything to fear in social situations, yet both are still difficult for me, regardless of how irrational I know that to be.) I should keep looking and keep trying.
It sounds like she forced you into doing the breaking up when she was the one who wanted it first.
I don't know, I don't think so. We tried to stay friendly after that, catsit for each other a few times. She seemed to be trying to win me back, and asked if we could start seeing each other again, but I had lost attraction to her and had no interest in dating by that point, and slowly cut her out of my life. I rarely think about her anymore. She liked one my social media posts the other day and I thought "Oh, she still follows me? Weird."
In the meantime, I focused on self-improvement, went to a social anxiety workshop for a while, and it was really helpful for me. I met someone else there, mutual attraction and went on a few dates, but I wasn't really interested in more than her appearance.
Started going to Meetup groups and met someone at one of those. She got super upset when I told her my previous relationships were poly, but then wanted to date me anyway? 🤷♂️ We saw each other for a few months, and it was a nice … warm feeling? But when she said wanted to be my girlfriend, I just felt sad and couldn't bring myself to, and she cut me off and then moved to another city.
Went on a few first dates from apps but wasn't attracted to them in person and felt really depressed after each, criticizing myself for being superficial and bad at conversation. Matched with a bunch of people but couldn't think of anything interesting to say. I feel like I've lost the ability to flirt, to be clever and fun and (self-deprecatingly) confident like I used to be. Was (inexplicably) still asked out a few times, but never responded, felt like an asshole, said "Who am I kidding?" and disabled my accounts.
Got super into rock climbing, have made a bunch of friends from that. I'm really happy in the moment while I'm doing it, but fall back into loneliness and sadness in between.
Have developed a super weird obsessive crush on a friend I met there. We text pretty frequently, meet up for what feel like dates a few times a year, but despite both saying we want to hang out more often, it rarely happens. This has been going on for 2-3 years now? Years
. WTF. Again, I can't seem to flirt or show overt interest. I just get this pit of sadness in my chest when I think about it.
So my life has gone on, I've improved my platonic relationship skills, but my dating life shriveled up and died. I'm stuck in some kind of hole and not making any progress getting out.
Am I even poly if I have these obsessions with one person at a time? I don't know. I was really happy when I had two partners; they complemented each other and it was a nice (if awkward) dynamic.