The cause of the wife's behaviour is not dingedheart's stated concern. Helping his children (specifically his daughter) deal with the damage caused by that behavior is his concern.
From what I read here, dinged doesn't know or care to know much about bdsm, and shouldn't have his nose rubbed in it if he's not interested. Concerned members of the community have already provided him with links if he wants to learn more about it.
So if the discussion is going to tangent into what could have caused the mother to engage in that behavior, I would like to request that tangent be moved to a separate thread.
Fidelia, I appreciate your concern, but if you read dinged last post he did ask me specific Qs about BDSM.
you said the use of these words was cathartic, How?
Not just the words, but in general, being dominated, and getting in "subspace," while it looks painful and morally degrading from the outside, I have learned that it is actually a peaceful euphoric place. And being beaten til one cries, it's a good release of tension sometimes. Of course, again, this is consensual. I would hate
to be beaten against my will by an abusive partner. Totally different thing. For me, being beaten by consensual agreement releases endorphins and turns pain into pleasure (orgasm).
You misunderstood the question. How would you "magdlyn" tell your 12/13yr old daughter about these photo's of "you" were in the photos? You have to explain to your daughter, mother, sisters what they're looking at in emails and pictures.
Well, I shudder to have to contemplate that scenario, but I guess I'd say something like a prev poster did, that different people have different sexual tastes.Some games adults play look bad from the outside but are actually fun and even healthy to do when mutually agreed upon.
Tit for tat ....is that code for something I'm again unaware of.
Not really thinking in those terms just don't feel like bending to find understanding for their behavior. I feel I've done more than enough work on all of this.
Well, I just meant if YOU understood BDSM more, you could explain those pix to your daughter more clearly.
I think we are of a similar age because I to saw playboy mags in the 60's never saw bdsm photo's .....nothing close to these. Usually girl next door type shots .....not clumslut's bound to a bench being pissed on.
No, you're right, but to a sheltered 1960s kid even Playboy pix looked kinky. The actual kink was more in those books I mentioned.
Do you think your parents had that type of a relationship after discovering the de sade book??
No, not really. My mom was very literary and open minded tho, and I am thinking back then was when they first started legally publishing de Sade and so she was curious. Fanny Hill is 18th century bordello erotica, also a literary curiosity.
What if you discovered polaroids of your mother displayed like a christmas ham in that book?
LOL Xmas ham. I'd've been shocked and disgusted of course. Heck, when I was 22 she admitted to being involved in an extra marital affair and that shocked me enough, tho I tried not to show it. My dad wasnt satisfying her, and she had her fling.
Anyway, I dont mean to "rub your nose" in BDSM information. I feel hurt to have been accused of that, if it's not obvious already. I am a child advocate and very sorry your daughter was exposed to all this at such a young age. I am just trying to help.
Her perception of her mother has been destroyed.
Awkward and uncomfortable doesn't capture the moment... pain....just pain .....your family ever lose a pet dog or cat? Its just emotional pain.
You ask what questions has she asked....how could she do this? Why would she or anyone want to be hit with a stick?
Here is a specific BDSM question that I attempted to answer (despite Fidelia saying it was off topic.) Being beaten causes endorphins to kick in, like a runner's high, or how women stand labor pains. The body releases its own opiates when confronted with pain. Labor pains or consensual pain in BDSM feels much different than say, breaking your leg accidentally. If your daughter is athletic at all, I'm sure she's willingly suffered pain in sports sometimes.
How could she choose this over our family?
Well, kids in the teen years find out gradually and painfully that their parents are HUMAN, flawed human beings. They make mistakes, they act in less than rational and unselfish ways at times, they carry pain and hangups and do stupid careless things, just like kids do.
How can she use these word and I get in trouble for saying bitch or hell. etc,etc...
Haha, well, 2 people in private can say whatever they want. Anyone could get in trouble for saying asswhore (or whatever) out on the street!