What Does Everyone Think of a Poly LGBTQ Space Here?

PurpleSun

New member
I know this idea was floated a long time ago, but as far as I know it never went anywhere. Even within the poly community, LGBTQIA+ people face unique challenges that our straight/cisgender counterparts simply don't. It's just a thought, but was wondering what folks thought of the idea.
 

Ravenscroft

Banned
Various thoughts pop into my head --
  • I like the idea, of course. :) However, my feeling is that it's possibly redundant, or "a solution in search of a problem." Seems like there's a LOT of people already here who openly fit the criterion. therefore everywhere is "a Poly LGBTQ Space."
  • Wouldn't it be easier to set aside a space for people who DON'T fit into that group?
  • Per a previous discussion, I've never really liked lumping so many different experiences together under the LGBetc. rubric; there's great potential power in a coalition, but there's no coalition if there's just a one-size-fits-everyone mass. If the mass deserves a space, each of its component groups is certainly at least as deserving, & would greatly benefit discussion because of focus.
  • As each thread in this forum constitutes a "space" already, it appears simple for anyone to create a new space, at any moment, with whatever intended direction they wish.
  • If a separate (but equal ;)) area from the Forums is desired, the site already offers a Social Groups capability. It is up to the members to choose to use this, not Mods or Admins; this only needs someone to lead the way.
Per that last point, I've just put up a sort of "Social Groups FAQ" (if only to point to the "real" FAQ :rolleyes:) & explain the options a bit --
how (& why) to start a Social Group here
There's already a group called "Gay, Bi-, Queer Poly" which happens to be the largest. It never really took off, & would likely benefit from new members.
 

kdt26417

Official Greeter
Staff member
Hi PurpleSun,

A LGBTQ space sounds good to me, hopefully the mods will notice this thread and respond.

Sincerely,
Kevin T.
 

FallenAngelina

Well-known member
....it's possibly redundant, or "a solution in search of a problem." Seems like there's a LOT of people already here who openly fit the criterion. therefore everywhere is "a Poly LGBTQ Space."

I don't perceive that same sex relationships need special designation here because to me the entire forum is not only LGTBQ friendly, but our forum culture does not assume heterosexuality and regards every relationship and grouping as specific unto itself. There are many of us here who don't identify strongly with either straight or LGTBQ, but are just sexual and open to various sexualities. I really love that we do not separate community members here according to sexual identification, but instead maintain an atmosphere of genuine inclusion of all stripes of sexuality. The charm of this place is that we get to know individuals over time and we're not just answering questions according to subject matter, like on reddit.

Someone recently suggested we form a "previously poly" section and I spoke against that idea for the same reason: we don't need to protect "previously poly" voices here because 1) some of us go in and out of poly relationships and 2) this perspective is welcome here and already represented in the discussions. No need to make a special section for people who are already fully participating and when you do make a special section, you needlessly divide a community that had no problem of inclusion in the first place.

Sirius Satellite Radio got rid of its OutQ channel because it's commitment to LGTBQ inclusion was so successful, the special designation of a channel for "gay talk" was just not necessary anymore. I see that as a huge cultural success. We only need special sections when a group is marginalized or somehow needs a "boost" and that is not happening in this forum.
 
Last edited:

Tinwen

Active member
While I tend to agree with FallenAngelina that inclusion is better then exclusion, I'm not in a position to say if some LGBTQ people feel in any way excluded, or if they would prefer a space for themselves for other reasons. I suppose I could technically count myself under "Q" with bdsm preferences, but that still puts me far from the experience of being gay/lesbian/transgender. Honestly, I do feel quite normal here ;), although I did appreciate that there's an old buried thread dedicated to bdsm somewhere in the discussion section when I needed a wheee! about getting collared.
Why would you appreciate a group like that PurpleSun?
 

PurpleSun

New member
While I tend to agree with FallenAngelina that inclusion is better then exclusion, I'm not in a position to say if some LGBTQ people feel in any way excluded, or if they would prefer a space for themselves for other reasons. I suppose I could technically count myself under "Q" with bdsm preferences, but that still puts me far from the experience of being gay/lesbian/transgender. Honestly, I do feel quite normal here ;), although I did appreciate that there's an old buried thread dedicated to bdsm somewhere in the discussion section when I needed a wheee! about getting collared.
Why would you appreciate a group like that PurpleSun?

It's really just a curiosity as to how the forum feels. There's only been once, in the couple years I've been active here off and on, where I've felt that straight splaining was a thing...but just in society at large, we face challenges that are unique to us, that straight people, be they poly or any other relationship orientation, just don't, so sometimes it's nice to talk to those who do really get it, because they live it, that's all. Same way I can talk another person of color about racism in a way that white people can't understand, I can talk to other LGBTQ people about homoantagonism in ways straight people can't understand, that's all. But, it looks like there may not be much support for it here, so that's okay.

And re: the Q - we don't count BDSM in that as far as the community goes writ large. That's more a) a reclaiming of a term that was once a widely used slur - it was, indeed, the last word many heard as they died from gay bashings - or b) an umbrella term for the entire non-hetero/non-cisgender community. We view BDSM as a kink, rather than as an inherent sexual orientation or gender identity that is a source of oppression that should be protected like race, sex, etc, from discrimination in the public sphere via the law. That's all. :)


Thanks for the replies everyone. Was just wondering.
 

AlwaysGrowing

Well-known member
I identify as bi. I have never once felt included in an lgbtq+ space. Ever. I am in two long term relationships with men, so I guess I'm not gay enough or something because I have the safety of appearing straight - ignoring the fact that every person in my life is aware of my orientation.

Poly spaces? I've felt welcomed and supported that my identity is valid regardless of my current relationship dynamics.

So, I don't think what people talk about wanting is an actual lgbtq+ safe space, most of the time. It's a safe space for people currently in or exclusively in same sex relationships or with a nonbinary gender identity (trans, genderfluid, etc).

But I'm just a bitter bisexual. Maybe it's a phase and I'll change my mind tomorrow. 😁
 

PurpleSun

New member
I identify as bi. I have never once felt included in an lgbtq+ space. Ever. I am in two long term relationships with men, so I guess I'm not gay enough or something because I have the safety of appearing straight - ignoring the fact that every person in my life is aware of my orientation.

Poly spaces? I've felt welcomed and supported that my identity is valid regardless of my current relationship dynamics.

So, I don't think what people talk about wanting is an actual lgbtq+ safe space, most of the time. It's a safe space for people currently in or exclusively in same sex relationships or with a nonbinary gender identity (trans, genderfluid, etc).

But I'm just a bitter bisexual. Maybe it's a phase and I'll change my mind tomorrow. 😁

I'm sorry you feel that way. As a lesbian, I will not speak to your experiences. My current gf is bisexual, and she is the head of an LGBTQ org...so, not all LGBTQ spaces are like that, jsyk. I don't think that would happen here, at any rate. I've seen far more bisexual people than gay people. So I don't think there would be room for erasure here. But, again, I'm just a lesbian, so IDK.
 

Ravenscroft

Banned
I really love that we do not separate community members here according to sexual identification, but instead maintain an atmosphere of genuine inclusion of all stripes of sexuality.
Oh, truly said. Thank you, for that.
But I'm just a bitter bisexual.
FWIW, don't waste time/energy on bitterness -- seemed like I'm the resident cranky optimist here, & I can't have you treading upon my territory. :D Anyway, bitterness in even a little takes too much cool stuff from life. :) FWIW (& hopefully not off-topic), I've had... well... happy encounters :D with various males gay & bi & straight as well as transmen pre & post. Life has been good. ;)
 
Last edited:

PurpleSun

New member
Various thoughts pop into my head --
  • I like the idea, of course. :) However, my feeling is that it's possibly redundant, or "a solution in search of a problem." Seems like there's a LOT of people already here who openly fit the criterion. therefore everywhere is "a Poly LGBTQ Space."
  • Wouldn't it be easier to set aside a space for people who DON'T fit into that group?
  • Per a previous discussion, I've never really liked lumping so many different experiences together under the LGBetc. rubric; there's great potential power in a coalition, but there's no coalition if there's just a one-size-fits-everyone mass. If the mass deserves a space, each of its component groups is certainly at least as deserving, & would greatly benefit discussion because of focus.
  • As each thread in this forum constitutes a "space" already, it appears simple for anyone to create a new space, at any moment, with whatever intended direction they wish.
  • If a separate (but equal ;)) area from the Forums is desired, the site already offers a Social Groups capability. It is up to the members to choose to use this, not Mods or Admins; this only needs someone to lead the way.
Per that last point, I've just put up a sort of "Social Groups FAQ" (if only to point to the "real" FAQ :rolleyes:) & explain the options a bit --
how (& why) to start a Social Group here
There's already a group called "Gay, Bi-, Queer Poly" which happens to be the largest. It never really took off, & would likely benefit from new members.

Thanks for this. I'm not a place to be able to run anything myself, but I'll definitely check that group out.
 

AlwaysGrowing

Well-known member
I'm sorry you feel that way. As a lesbian, I will not speak to your experiences. My current gf is bisexual, and she is the head of an LGBTQ org...so, not all LGBTQ spaces are like that, jsyk. I don't think that would happen here, at any rate. I've seen far more bisexual people than gay people. So I don't think there would be room for erasure here. But, again, I'm just a lesbian, so IDK.

Your gf is also currently in a relationship with a woman - she wouldn't be erased in any of the groups I've been to either.

I don't know how to quote multiple posts, but I'm not actually bitter. I have people who love and support me. I was able to marry the person I love when I wanted to. I can find community in other places, and it's not really a huge deal. It just irks me when people think these spaces/groups are the answer when there is an overwhelming majority of them that exclude/ignore/belittle the experiences of a chunk of the population that they are supposed to serve.
 

vinsanity0

Active member
I agree with everything FallenAngelina wrote. I think cis het people are pretty much a minority here anyway. I've certainly never seen any sort of anti-LBGTQ stuff in here. As a cis guy who is mostly het I'm not qualified to weigh in on whether you need your own space or not. I'd just like to say I hope you could feel comfortable discussing whatever you want here. If not, I would consider that a failure on the part of the forum that I hope could be rectified. I think those type of discussions could benefit us all. I certainly would like to learn what challenges you face in regards to poly.
 

Marvelgirl

New member
I actually think LBGTQ people would find less support here if there was a separate area. I don't think this board is busy enough to sustain all the separate groups.
 

Magdlyn

Well-known member
A bit off topic, but can I just say I kind of HATE the term LGBTQ+ ?

I hate that transphobia is lumped in with homophobia. I don't see any lesbians (except maybe[?] the very most butch) being barred from women's public toilets.

LGB-- lesbian, gay, bisexual, are gender preferences. They indicate to whom you are attracted for romance and/or sex.

TQ-- transgender, transsexual, queer, indicate gender IDENTITY. What freeking gender you are! A trans or queer person can also be gay/lesbian, bi or STRAIGHT. A transperson or genderqueer person may also not ID as trans at all! I know some people "born into the wrong bodies," (which isn't even an accurate term) who ID as just "male" or "female." IDing as trans gives them the heebie jeebies, if not outright dysphoria attacks.

I am genderqueer. I am also a cis woman. I have 2 sides. I sometimes revel in my pussy and breasts. Other times I wish for a cock to fuck someone with so bad it hurts.

All that has absolutely nothing to do with whether I want to fuck my gf, or my bf.

Off soapbox. Carry on with your regularly scheduled conversation.
 

jaymeexvee

New member
I hate that transphobia is lumped in with homophobia. I don't see any lesbians (except maybe[?] the very most butch) being barred from women's public toilets.

As a genderqueer transman I agree with this sentiment, especially because transphobia and transgender rights tends to take a back seat to LG rights (and B is always leftout I feel that as a bisexual too).


As for an LGBTQ+ space on here, I'm torn because I do feel like it's a very inclusive board regardless of sexuality and such, but it would be cool to have a space that is just LGBTQ+ folks. However, there are groups on facebook for this!
 

Magdlyn

Well-known member
As a genderqueer transman I agree with this sentiment, especially because transphobia and transgender rights tends to take a back seat to LG rights (and B is always leftout I feel that as a bisexual too).


As for an LGBTQ+ space on here, I'm torn because I do feel like it's a very inclusive board regardless of sexuality and such, but it would be cool to have a space that is just LGBTQ+ folks. However, there are groups on facebook for this!

I somewhat agree. I don't think we need a designated "safe space" for LGB and pansexual folks here. It's a welcoming space across the board already.

However, you again lumped LGBP folks in with trans and queer identified folks. A trans or queer person who is straight would not fit in on a LGBP group. If they were bi, they also might be made to feel uncomfortable in a gay/lesbian group.

Add in poly and it gets even messier. Some of the most poly-phobic people are lesbians and gay men. I guess they feel we polys muddy the waters. They are fighting for same sex marriage. They don't believe in polyamory. They are monogamists, just as bad offenders as hetero monogamists.
 

AutumnLeaves

New member
Not to play oppression olympics, but people very frequently leave off the IA or, worse, translate A into "ally." It's pretty alienating as someone who strongly identifies with ace-spectrum issues. Just the title to this thread, even. I prefer "gender and sexuality diverse," but I guess people like their acronyms.

Anyway, to stop digressing: I don't think we need a separate section, and I think it might actually be counterproductive. The polyam community has been one of those communities where I feel included by default. Let's not segregate, here. And... nevermind, Mags said it.
 

AlwaysGrowing

Well-known member
Not to play oppression olympics, but people very frequently leave off the IA or, worse, translate A into "ally." It's pretty alienating as someone who strongly identifies with ace-spectrum issues. Just the title to this thread, even. I prefer "gender and sexuality diverse," but I guess people like their acronyms.

Anyway, to stop digressing: I don't think we need a separate section, and I think it might actually be counterproductive. The polyam community has been one of those communities where I feel included by default. Let's not segregate, here. And... nevermind, Mags said it.

Isn't that kind of the point of the +? Include all other identities without a mile of letters?
 

AutumnLeaves

New member
Isn't that kind of the point of the +? Include all other identities without a mile of letters?

The title of this thread, suggesting an lgbtq space on the forums, doesn't have one.
 

River

New member
I don't perceive that same sex relationships need special designation here because to me the entire forum is not only LGTBQ friendly, but our forum culture does not assume heterosexuality and regards every relationship and grouping as specific unto itself. There are many of us here who don't identify strongly with either straight or LGTBQ, but are just sexual and open to various sexualities. [....]

Sirius Satellite Radio got rid of its OutQ channel because it's commitment to LGTBQ inclusion was so successful, the special designation of a channel for "gay talk" was just not necessary anymore. I see that as a huge cultural success. We only need special sections when a group is marginalized or somehow needs a "boost" and that is not happening in this forum.

I agree with FallenAngelina ... up to a point. That is, I have a mixed and complex response to the idea that (e.g.) we don't have a need for queer or gay or LGBT radio, which is "not necessary anymore" because of "a huge cultural success" in being inclusive and accepting.

It may well be (and may probably be) that "We only need special sections when a group is marginalized or somehow needs a "boost" and that is not happening in this forum." But it can't hurt to keep in mind that in the broader culture of most countries where folks are participating in this forum, the marginalization of LGBTQ... folk is alive and well -- though often much improved over recent historical comparison.

The present forum may be basically a safe haven for LGBTQ folk, but that doesn't mean that LGBTQ folk don't have unique life circumstances or needs as a result of their inclusion in this / these category/categories. I have found that it is sometimes helpful for us LGBTQ folk to gather among others who belong to this set of sets to confer amongst ourselves. By no means does acknowledging such a need (or desire) mean that we don't also want to be welcomed in the larger group / forum.

I recently learned of this fellow named Jordan B. Peterson, who has recently become famous and popular. In one of his online (Youtube) videos he says, “I can’t quite figure out why the postmodernists have made the canonical distinctions they’ve made. Race, ethnicity, sexual proclivity, gender identity, those are four dimensions along which people vary, but there is a very large number of dimensions along which people vary… There is an infinite number of dimensions along which people vary. So the postmodern question is, why would you privilege some of those distinctions over others?”

I'm not sure why he's focussing on "the postmodernists" here. But his gripe is with "identity politics," which, to his thinking, are folks making the 'mistake' of pointing out that some classes or groups of people have been (and are being) selected for maltreatment by others. Those folks who are treated badly by bigots, it appears, should not complain or point it out as members of a group or class of people lest they evoke "identity politics," which according to Jordan Peterson is a really, really stupid and bad thing to do. He does not seem to make it clear why it is bad. But it is!

Peterson also seems to dismiss the whole notion that there is -- anywhere -- white privilege. I assume he'd say the same about male privilege, or heterosexual privilege, etc.

If what Peterson is trying to do is say "Hey, we're all people here!" I wonder why he doesn't just say that, rather than to bitch and complain about folks pointing out the fact of bigotry in the culture?

I bring this up because ... well, because bigotry has not gone away, and its a real thing that is worth taking note of and pointing out. Not everyone is a bigot, of course. But some people are -- and they are still many.

Anyway, my rambling here is not meant to take a position for or against a special section for LGBTQ topics. I have no opinion on that at the moment.
 
Last edited:
Top