Contextual Glossary, focus on closed polyamory

Crazy

New member
Over the years my ideal relationship has been an MFM or MMF with bisexual guys who are in a relationship with each other too. I’ve been told that it’s not really realistic and I’ve kind of felt hopeless as I had no idea of where to go to search for such a thing. I met two guys both online and felt like I was kind of dating both of them but wasn’t apparently and they were both poly. We all agreed that we wanted a poly relationship and they never met each other but again I felt like I was kind of in a relationship or starting relationship with both of them and it felt nice but then my jealousy got the best of me when I would hear them talk about other women or invite me on the phone while they talked to other women.
When I first felt the idea years and years ago of a poly relationship and then it grew more I never thought about it being open with other women. Recently my desire to be in a relationship with 2 guys has grown to be a desire that wants more than two guys and I have this whole little fantasy about how it would all work out and how I want the dynamics to be. I’ve had a lot of thought process into the kind of relationships that I want and as I continue to try to search for just one guy to wanna date me I keep on meeting guys who sparked the thought process in my mind about the kind of poly relationship that I want. Fine-tuning what it is I exactly desire.
I met a guy who was completely straight and said that he would love the idea of me being with other guys and himself. That he would love the idea of himself and other guys just focusing on me and me being the only woman. I didn’t think that was possible because I felt selfish to exclude my partners from wanting to be with other women but I loved that idea and that’s exactly what I wanted. I met another guy that I felt similar about it. So it just reinforces this wanting me and desire that this could be possible. Both completely stop talking to me which is nothing new but it reinforced the fact that this is what I wanted and maybe I don’t have to feel so selfish about it.
I keep on feeling quite selfish when I think about wanting to be the only woman in a relationship with two and hopefully more guys but I also know that my insecurities and with my past of how often I have been replaced over and over and over again by other women my jealousy would get the best of me. I don’t like using this term because it sounds negative but I am high maintenance and I would need my relationships to be there for me like on a daily basis. Even if it is just a few text of the day I want to be surrounded by that love constantly. So I’m writing on this great community because I don’t know what to call the type of relationship it as I desire.
What kind of relationship is it actually considered when you are a woman among men and even though it is a poly relationship where the guys are intimate with each other (or can be) but you are the only woman?
 
In the literary world / media it would be a Harem if the man has many women, or a Reverse Harem if the woman has many men.

In the poly world context, it would be a "Vee" or "Where you are center and the others (called The Hinges) are not romantically involved."

The next type is the word Triad, in polyamory lingo. It's a V shape again, but all partners are in love with each other [again of any gender]. (Also known as delta, throuple, and triangle).

There isn't really a specification in polyamory for genders, unless it relates to marriage; and then it's Polyandry for many men with one woman, and Polygamy for many women with one man.

After the V shape if it were 3 or more men with one woman it would be more akin to a constellation or polycule.
Constellation and polycule can refer to the type of grouping, but it doesn't mean that's it's solely a specific gender type. Again as I mentioned before we don't have a lot of words that refer to gender when speaking about types of formations of groups.

I speculate this is because we have a lot of gender diverse people in the poly world (Non binary/gender fluid, etc) and it would just be too confusing to conflate the two.

Constellation is pretty self explanatory- you might have person A (Yourself) with person B and C; and person B might be with two people outside of you, and person C is with you, B, and one other person. Then the people those people are dating could be dating others etc. (So on and so forth in any configuration you can imagine like a constellation.)

Polycule on the other hand is more like an intentional tribe that makes it own rules; and again are vastly different from one polycule to another. It's the people in your inner circle / and possibly outer circle of whatever type of constellation you have. That's how I understand it anyway. And they are generally like a mini poly community; with community like rules, maybe shared calendars, mutual agreements on safe sex, etc.
These can be as small as a Closed Triad / V, or as big a constellation including 10 people or more.

I hope this helped!

Let me know if I got any of the terms misunderstood other poly people. It's been a minute since I've had to write it out succinctly.
 
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In the literary world / media it would be a Harem if the man has many women, or a Reverse Harem if the woman has many men.

In the poly world context, it would be a "Vee" or "Where you are center and the others (called The Hinges) are not romantically involved."

The next type is the word Triad, in polyamory lingo. It's a V shape again, but all partners are in love with each other [again of any gender]. (Also known as delta, throuple, and triangle).

There isn't really a specification in polyamory for genders, unless it relates to marriage; and then it's Polyandry for many men with one woman, and Polygamy for many women with one man.

After the V shape if it were 3 or more men with one woman it would be more akin to a constellation or polycule.
Constellation and polycule can refer to the type of grouping, but it doesn't mean that's it's solely a specific gender type. Again as I mentioned before we don't have a lot of words that refer to gender when speaking about types of formations of groups.

I speculate this is because we have a lot of gender diverse people in the poly world (Non binary/gender fluid, etc) and it would just be too confusing to conflate the two.

Constellation is pretty self explanatory- you might have person A (Yourself) with person B and C; and person B might be with two people outside of you, and person C is with you, B, and one other person. Then the people those people are dating could be dating others etc. (So on and so forth in any configuration you can imagine like a constellation.)

Polycule on the other hand is more like an intentional tribe that makes it own rules; and again are vastly different from one polycule to another. It's the people in your inner circle / and possibly outer circle of whatever type of constellation you have. That's how I understand it anyway. And they are generally like a mini poly community; with community like rules, maybe shared calendars, mutual agreements on safe sex, etc.
These can be as small as a Closed Triad / V, or as big a constellation including 10 people or more.

I hope this helped!

Let me know if I got any of the terms misunderstood other poly people. It's been a minute since I've had to write it out succinctly.
Thank you. It is basically like a tribe kind of thing I’m looking for not like a common because I’m worried that when I say tribe and worry it comes off sounding like I might be joining a cult which people are more than welcome to join a colt as long as it doesn’t earn badly I’m back in myself into a corner here I’m try not to offend anybody lol The point that I’m making is at this point in my life the idea of other women being involved makes me uncomfortable. Which means what I want is something that’s really not realistic because from my looking into the poly community all I can really find is women looking for guys and not many guys looking for women. I appreciate all the terminology and you actually explaining that the terminology is not gender specific which makes things a lot easier. Thank you so much for your help.
 
Then maybe you're looking more for Kitchen Table Polyamory, with men willing to date and share you exclusively.

However, if you approach men that way from the get go- and are not familiar with polyamory; yeah it would be unfair; they might go "Well how come I can't date too?"

But it is possible to find monogamous men willing to do this situation. And you don't need to use the word tribe. I get that. lol. Try open relationship to start, or non-monogamous, or "non conventional"...

Or you could try to approach it differently; Dagferi on this site has two male partners and goes between their homes. She has an established long term commitment with both, but they generally lead separate lives that she somehow manages to expertly work between both. (huge respect for her there).

When describing it to other people, you can use the word polyamory as both a verb and a proper noun depending on the situation.

So, for myself I recently started dating a man, and I have a woman who knows I am interested in her; I described it to people as "I am in a committed long term open relationship looking for 1 other partner who is female" (For detailed description.)

For FB or status updates its "Open relationship with tag- person A + tag person B") - If there is a polyamorous word option I haven't seen it yet, though it allows you to write your own status.

If I were using a dating app, and I were looking for what you're looking for, I might put. "Looking an closed committed polyamorous relationship with two monogamous men."

For a casual person:
I would say "I'm in a non conventional relationship" or something like "I decided to not be exclusive, but I am committed to my current partners."


I find it interesting you say you see mostly girls looking for guys and not guys looking for girls. I found it to be the other way around; lot more dudes looking for women.
 
Well considering how much I lack in self esteem & am not a drop dead gorgeous model or mentally stable lol looking for the ideal would come very unfair. The goal is to meet guys & once I feel comfortable enough to share my dream or ideal. I’m a good communicator so discussing my needs, wants & desires is very easy for me. Not being judged by others is were I fail miserably. I honestly really wanted to start off in a bisexual mmf & slowly open it up once I felt safe in the relationship but I’ve noticed putting that down has resulted in mainly guys asking for sex or even guys expecting me to join as an unicorn. I’m completely straight so not my ideal at all. No judgement just not my thing.
Where do you find the guys wanting a mmf because I just see girls wanting that or ffm so what site are you on lol
 
I think the hard thing about this kind of goal is that it is inherently not fair. You're trying to fit people into pre-made spaces instead of tailoring a space to an individual. To me, it's just like unicorn hunting (lots of discussions and articles around about that) where the fantasy is the focus instead of the people.

Is the kind of situation you want possible? Sure. I'm partnered with two individuals who have not be with anyone other than me for many years. We don't have sex as a group, though, which seems to be something you require? They both COULD date others but choose not to for a few reasons. Honestly, I'm very close to living my ideal now (I would prefer closer proximity - not cohabitation but same area lol). Not dealing with the scheduling nightmare that is the guys dating is AMAZING since life in general is so busy. If they'd be happier with another partner or just dating or whatever? Then we would make it work.

Are you working on your self esteem? Figuring out the root cause of your past jealousy? Making sure you're prepared for the amount of emotional labor required for a nonmonogamous situation?

I agree with starlight that mono men are probably more likely to commit to a long term, only open on your end kind of thing. Polyam men are gonna want to be polyam.
 
I am sorry you struggle. I mean all this kindly, ok? Like stuff to think over maybe.

my jealousy got the best of me when I would hear them talk about other women or invite me on the phone while they talked to other women.

Well considering how much I lack in self esteem & am not a drop dead gorgeous model or mentally stable

Could work on these things.

I am high maintenance and I would need my relationships to be there for me like on a daily basis. Even if it is just a few text of the day I want to be surrounded by that love constantly.

I guess this one depends. Because you like a lot of attention? Or because you expect partners to prop you up because you don't want to actually resolve the self esteem, make peace with and enjoy how you look even if not like a model, or stabilize your mental health?

How do YOU contribute to this goal? Do you treat yourself in loving ways? Talk to yourself in loving ways in your head? Or do you kick your own bucket over and then want other people to come set it to rights?

If you treat yourself with self respecting behavior, it's easier to hold yourself in good esteem. It's hard to feel proud of your behavior and hold self in good esteem if you are in the habit of being your own self bully / treat yourself unkindly or neglect self.

looking for the ideal would come very unfair. The goal is to meet guys & once I feel comfortable enough to share my dream or ideal. I’m a good communicator so discussing my needs, wants & desires is very easy for me.

Why is it unfair for you to want what you want? How else will you get it?

That said... if you want a closed triad with 2 bisexual dudes who date you AND each other -- that's very niche, very specific.

Would you be ok in a closed V where they both date you but NOT each other?

How about an open V, where they both date you... but also might have other poly partners -- men or women?

Could think on that. Like "good, better, best." That opens up your dating pool.

Not being judged by others is were I fail miserably.

People are people. Some are going to judge you. Why do you have to care about their opinion and take it on board for yourself? Do you have to be liked by the whole world? Why's it your job to be "perfect" so that nobody ever judges you?

Isn't it easier to decide you are good enough as you are... and whoever doesn't happen to like you, your hair, your make up, your shoes... for whatever reason? Fine. Don't hang out with them.

Because you don't do you, your hair, your make up, your shoes to please them. You do those things to please YOU.

I can imagine there's people in the world you don't esp like and you don't hang out with them, right?

I honestly really wanted to start off in a bisexual mmf & slowly open it up once I felt safe in the relationship

How about going the other way around? Do the work of becoming comfortable and safe in your own self. Then in dating people in various open/poly models? And then narrow it down to the MMF commitment you seem to want?

Could that approach be more effective?

Because what would you DO exactly... once you were in this MMF thing? To help you make peace with jealousy, your looks, etc? Read a book? See a therapist? Is there some reason you can't be doing those things now before being in the MMF?

Galagirl
 
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I came into poly from swinging the swinging world.

Whilst my primary/nesting partner and I enjoy couples play with the right people really we're what they call a Stag/Vixen couple, I'm a 'Hotwife' whose partner loves seeing me in my sexual element with other men.

So straight MFM's are kind of our sexual kink. However I caught feels for a regular play partner who also had previously been in a Stag/Vixen relationship and that's how I stumbled into poly.

And now pretty much 90% of my MFM's are with my 2 guys. Heaven. Our sexuality is really aligned although I have a higher sex drive then either of them.

My nesting/primary partner says he's open to a girlfriend but isn't looking. We've been together for nearly 3 decades, whilst he gets emotional and says stupid things sometimes I feel VERY secure with that prospect and now experiencing polyamory for myself that I won't be replaced.

The boyfriend, not so much, that safety factor isn't there (it's all in my past threads if interested) but if/when the time comes that he moves on or drops away I'll have to go kiss some frogs before I find someone who shares our sexual preferences.

We're all hoping his next partner when the time comes is a sharing hotwife and we expand our polycule BUT this is a wish not an expectation.

I'm not sure I could have arrived in this place without - decades of an enmeshed life with my partner, 10+ years of learning about jealousy/trust through swinging, my guys having an established friendship through swinging, trust and willingness to try even though it's been a bit scary for all 3 of us... slipping into feelings...

I'd suggest start by finding 1 bisexual man you can have a fulfilling and honest relationship with and then see how to expand from there.

There are LOTS of men out there who enjoy sexally sharing their partners, not as a polyamorous thing but as a swinging thing. Maybe be happy with that for a while.
 
I was in a decade long MFM Vee (the boys were straight and not sexually involved with each other - but would sometimes be sexual with me at the same time, as well as one-on-one with me). We were open in that they were free to seek other women, but so was I (I am bisexual) - but mostly it was just the three of us. One of the people I met at Burning Man said that she wanted something very close to what you are describing - she dated a pair of bisexual men who were already together when she met them - she didn't live with them though. Bluebird on this site is/has been in a number of relationships with men who did not have outside partners. Starlight already mentioned Dagferi's set-up.

So, there are plenty of people in relationships similar to what you describe - there are no rules that you have to follow in constructing your relationships as long as all of the people involved are willing participants. Poly tends to be pretty DIY in that regard! I don't know if someone else mentioned it yet but a OVP (one-vagina-policy) would mean that the males don't need to be monogamous with you but yours in the only vagina you are comfortable being in the mix. We don't talk about it much - usually it is the OPP (one-penis-policy) that comes up more often. But, yes, OVP/OPPs are inherently "unfair" - but if the people involved are happy then it is noone elses business.

I don't know where you are located geographically but around here (rural Pennsylvania) bisexual men are pretty invisible - our culture/society is just barely learning to tolerate gay/lesbian couples and bi-women are highly fetishized but bi-men seem to have the worst of it - it doesn't feel safe.

JaneQ (going back to read the posts I missed while I was typing)
 
Hi Crazy,

It sounds like you want an MFM V, or preferably, an MMF (or MMMF, etc.) triad, with threesomes and an OVP. These are not bad things to want, you just have to make sure that everyone knows what they're getting into, and that they all consent to it.

Polygamy is a marriage in which there are more than two spouses. Polygyny is a marriage in which there is one husband and multiple wives. Polyandry is a marriage in which there is one wife and multiple husbands. Often "polygamy" is used to describe polygyny (especially patriarchal polygyny), but it is a somewhat erroneous use of the word.

In a V, one person is romantically involved with two other people, and the two other people are not romantically involved with each other. The one person is considered the hinge of the V. The two other people are considered the legs, arms, or endpoints of the V. If there are three other people, you could call that a Y.

Such are my understandings of the terminology.
Sincerely,
Kevin T.
 
I came into poly from swinging the swinging world.

Whilst my primary/nesting partner and I enjoy couples play with the right people really we're what they call a Stag/Vixen couple, I'm a 'Hotwife' whose partner loves seeing me in my sexual element with other men.

So straight MFM's are kind of our sexual kink. However I caught feels for a regular play partner who also had previously been in a Stag/Vixen relationship and that's how I stumbled into poly.

And now pretty much 90% of my MFM's are with my 2 guys. Heaven. Our sexuality is really aligned although I have a higher sex drive then either of them.

My nesting/primary partner says he's open to a girlfriend but isn't looking. We've been together for nearly 3 decades, whilst he gets emotional and says stupid things sometimes I feel VERY secure with that prospect and now experiencing polyamory for myself that I won't be replaced.

The boyfriend, not so much, that safety factor isn't there (it's all in my past threads if interested) but if/when the time comes that he moves on or drops away I'll have to go kiss some frogs before I find someone who shares our sexual preferences.

We're all hoping his next partner when the time comes is a sharing hotwife and we expand our polycule BUT this is a wish not an expectation.

I'm not sure I could have arrived in this place without - decades of an enmeshed life with my partner, 10+ years of learning about jealousy/trust through swinging, my guys having an established friendship through swinging, trust and willingness to try even though it's been a bit scary for all 3 of us... slipping into feelings...

I'd suggest start by finding 1 bisexual man you can have a fulfilling and honest relationship with and then see how to expand from there.

There are LOTS of men out there who enjoy sexally sharing their partners, not as a polyamorous thing but as a swinging thing. Maybe be happy with that for a while.
Thank you so much for sharing that and responding to my post. It was just a beautiful fantasy that when it comes to love that’s why we always have the big idealistic romanticized fantasy about what we want when it comes to partnership. As everybody in a polyamorous community should know love isn’t a one size fits all and really my post even though it apparently didn’t come off that way what simply just looking for the terminology of what it was called that I was looking for. Finding love in general it’s hard to do and I just wanted to know the definition of what it was I was hoping for not expecting. I didn’t even think about swinging but that’s a great way. Yeah I would love to find just one bisexual man and then eventually let others in and I have met guys who I’ve been open with this discussion before and they have wanted to bring other guys and it’s just they tend to always fall away. I really appreciate your response. It gives me hope.
 
I was in a decade long MFM Vee (the boys were straight and not sexually involved with each other - but would sometimes be sexual with me at the same time, as well as one-on-one with me). We were open in that they were free to seek other women, but so was I (I am bisexual) - but mostly it was just the three of us. One of the people I met at Burning Man said that she wanted something very close to what you are describing - she dated a pair of bisexual men who were already together when she met them - she didn't live with them though. Bluebird on this site is/has been in a number of relationships with men who did not have outside partners. Starlight already mentioned Dagferi's set-up.

So, there are plenty of people in relationships similar to what you describe - there are no rules that you have to follow in constructing your relationships as long as all of the people involved are willing participants. Poly tends to be pretty DIY in that regard! I don't know if someone else mentioned it yet but a OVP (one-vagina-policy) would mean that the males don't need to be monogamous with you but yours in the only vagina you are comfortable being in the mix. We don't talk about it much - usually it is the OPP (one-penis-policy) that comes up more often. But, yes, OVP/OPPs are inherently "unfair" - but if the people involved are happy then it is noone elses business.

I don't know where you are located geographically but around here (rural Pennsylvania) bisexual men are pretty invisible - our culture/society is just barely learning to tolerate gay/lesbian couples and bi-women are highly fetishized but bi-men seem to have the worst of it - it doesn't feel safe.

JaneQ (going back to read the posts I missed while I was typing)
Thank you so much for your post. I really appreciate your support and yeah it does seem like polyamorous relationships are a DIY and as I continue to say love is in a one size fits all. I just felt incredibly selfish even thinking about it but it was a romanticize ideal. Of course that doesn’t mean the relationship won’t grow. I mean the kind of relationship I want has over the years grown and involved so there’s no way of saying that this right now is the only way it’s gonna have to be. I live in Oregon. And as a straight woman I have no say and how hard it is for LBGTQ people. I can’t even begin to imagine because that’s not fair to the struggles they have to go through. What I do know is I know how to be supportive. I’ve met a few bisexual guys that when I’ve been open about what I like they’ve felt safe confiding in what they like with me. They felt encouraged. Again super grateful.
 
Hi Crazy,

It sounds like you want an MFM V, or preferably, an MMF (or MMMF, etc.) triad, with threesomes and an OVP. These are not bad things to want, you just have to make sure that everyone knows what they're getting into, and that they all consent to it.

Polygamy is a marriage in which there are more than two spouses. Polygyny is a marriage in which there is one husband and multiple wives. Polyandry is a marriage in which there is one wife and multiple husbands. Often "polygamy" is used to describe polygyny (especially patriarchal polygyny), but it is a somewhat erroneous use of the word.

In a V, one person is romantically involved with two other people, and the two other people are not romantically involved with each other. The one person is considered the hinge of the V. The two other people are considered the legs, arms, or endpoints of the V. If there are three other people, you could call that a Y.

Such are my understandings of the terminology.
Sincerely,
Kevin T.
Thanks Kevin. You’ve always been so kind and supportive. I have met a couple people who are interested in the hinge situation and that is another possibility. If I find two guys who wanna date me as a hinge I’m open. I fear my original post might’ve came off as if I was uncompromising. As if the only relationship that I want is the fantasized one the dream one. Reality is often very different from what we want in our minds but the only way to get what we want in our minds is to actually open and communicate about it. I am very open and honest about my feelings and the stuff that I want but I’m not uncompromising. So I have no problem actually sitting down and talking about this stuff with my relationships the trick is finding relationships lol
 
I don't know if someone else mentioned it yet but a OVP (one-vagina-policy) would mean that the males don't need to be monogamous with you but yours in the only vagina you are comfortable being in the mix. We don't talk about it much - usually it is the OPP (one-penis-policy) that comes up more often.

I figured everyone was going to just breeze right past that point.

I would usually consider Ye Olden OPP/OVP to be selfish, in that it's a "what is good for the goose, is great for the goose" sort of scenario (that or it's just a sex fetish). I agree that as long as everyone is on board with the reality of the situation I don't think it's any more unethical than strict hierarchy, or VETO power. They are all power based structures that exist to hide from insecurities instead of dealing with them.

I keep on feeling quite selfish when I think about wanting to be the only woman in a relationship with two and hopefully more guys but I also know that my insecurities and with my past of how often I have been replaced over and over and over again by other women my jealousy would get the best of me.

It's good to know about our emotional shortfalls like your insecurity, and to have a sense of where they come from. That knowledge can be used as a starting point for dealing with them. The goal would be, in my estimation, to eliminate (or at least minimize) their negative impact on our ability to have healthy relationships.

It unfortunately sounds like your plan isn't to deal with your insecurity, but to design your relationships around it? I hope that you find the footing to take a sober look at your insecurity, it's something that most of us have to deal with at some point in our life. Dealing with it and being a healthier person will always be a better bet than trying to dodge it, or just succumbing to it entirely.

Are you working on your self esteem? Figuring out the root cause of your past jealousy? Making sure you're prepared for the amount of emotional labor required for a nonmonogamous situation?

It can be scary and difficult, for sure, but it is labor that will yield a much more healthy result.
 
I don’t like using this term because it sounds negative but I am high maintenance and I would need my relationships to be there for me like on a daily basis. Even if it is just a few text of the day I want to be surrounded by that love constantly.

I'd like to gently challenge you on the idea that if there are other women in the mix that you can't feel that - my partners have other female partners and they are *absolutely* there for me on a daily basis. That's not high maintenance that's just... the basis of relationship, as far as I'm concerned - anything less than that and it's a friendship with benefits or even more casual. And if you're willing for them to date each other, you have the exact same issues as you would if you were dating a man or men with other female partners - relationship issues really don't hinge on genitalia, y'know? (Just read all the posts on this site from men who were surprised that their wives' female partners made them feel jealousy...)

if anything, in my opinion and in my experience partners who are in deeply entangled relationships - triads, quads, etc - lead to FAR more jealousy regardless of the genders of the participants than do open network relationships where each person has relationships that don't necessarily overlap. But in the end, @Marcus is right in that there is NO way to design a relationship where you never feel jealousy. If there was, there wouldn't be so many "omg my monogamous husband looked at another woman the wrong way" posts in r/relationships...
 
Well considering how much I lack in self esteem & am not a drop dead gorgeous model or mentally stable lol looking for the ideal would come very unfair. The goal is to meet guys & once I feel comfortable enough to share my dream or ideal. I’m a good communicator so discussing my needs, wants & desires is very easy for me. Not being judged by others is were I fail miserably. I honestly really wanted to start off in a bisexual mmf & slowly open it up once I felt safe in the relationship but I’ve noticed putting that down has resulted in mainly guys asking for sex or even guys expecting me to join as an unicorn. I’m completely straight so not my ideal at all. No judgement just not my thing.
Where do you find the guys wanting a mmf because I just see girls wanting that or ffm so what site are you on lol
I'm sorry I didn't touch on the emotional stuff, just the technical stuff. I'm still mulling it over, and by the time I come back you have such fabulous well thought our replies on people far more experienced in long term committed [HEALTHY] relationships than I. So, I stuck with factual. :)
 
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Over the years my ideal relationship has been an MFM or MMF with bisexual guys who are in a relationship with each other too. I’ve been told that it’s not really realistic and I’ve kind of felt hopeless as I had no idea of where to go to search for such a thing. I met two guys both online and felt like I was kind of dating both of them but wasn’t apparently and they were both poly. We all agreed that we wanted a poly relationship and they never met each other but again I felt like I was kind of in a relationship or starting relationship with both of them and it felt nice but then my jealousy got the best of me when I would hear them talk about other women or invite me on the phone while they talked to other women.
When I first felt the idea years and years ago of a poly relationship and then it grew more I never thought about it being open with other women. Recently my desire to be in a relationship with 2 guys has grown to be a desire that wants more than two guys and I have this whole little fantasy about how it would all work out and how I want the dynamics to be. I’ve had a lot of thought process into the kind of relationships that I want and as I continue to try to search for just one guy to wanna date me I keep on meeting guys who sparked the thought process in my mind about the kind of poly relationship that I want. Fine-tuning what it is I exactly desire.
I met a guy who was completely straight and said that he would love the idea of me being with other guys and himself. That he would love the idea of himself and other guys just focusing on me and me being the only woman. I didn’t think that was possible because I felt selfish to exclude my partners from wanting to be with other women but I loved that idea and that’s exactly what I wanted. I met another guy that I felt similar about it. So it just reinforces this wanting me and desire that this could be possible. Both completely stop talking to me which is nothing new but it reinforced the fact that this is what I wanted and maybe I don’t have to feel so selfish about it.
I keep on feeling quite selfish when I think about wanting to be the only woman in a relationship with two and hopefully more guys but I also know that my insecurities and with my past of how often I have been replaced over and over and over again by other women my jealousy would get the best of me. I don’t like using this term because it sounds negative but I am high maintenance and I would need my relationships to be there for me like on a daily basis. Even if it is just a few text of the day I want to be surrounded by that love constantly. So I’m writing on this great community because I don’t know what to call the type of relationship it as I desire.
What kind of relationship is it actually considered when you are a woman among men and even though it is a poly relationship where the guys are intimate with each other (or can be) but you are the only woman?
I really relate to this. At my core I think my ideal relationship situation would be having multiple men I can be with and in relationships with, but them only being with me. Which sounds a lot like I want a harem of men and I don’t say it often because I feel people think that’s incredibly selfish of me, but in truth it makes me feel happy and secure to think of having that.
 
I really relate to this. At my core I think my ideal relationship situation would be having multiple men I can be with and in relationships with, but them only being with me. Which sounds a lot like I want a harem of men and I don’t say it often because I feel people think that’s incredibly selfish of me, but in truth it makes me feel happy and secure to think of having that.
Keep reading. Especially what Marcus writes.
 
I really relate to this. At my core I think my ideal relationship situation would be having multiple men I can be with and in relationships with, but them only being with me. Which sounds a lot like I want a harem of men and I don’t say it often because I feel people think that’s incredibly selfish of me, but in truth it makes me feel happy and secure to think of having that.
It might make you feel happy and secure in fantasy, but imagine all the work, to be 2 or 3 men's primary partner. All their romantic and sexual needs would be met by you. If they had strong needs, this would be quite tiring. I enjoy my partner going to her bf's house because she suffers from anxiety and ADHD. She also has certain medical physical needs I help her with. I like sharing the work with her bf. Then I can focus on my other partner's needs. Not to mention getting some me-time too! I really like having one day a week where I don't need to be around anyone and can just putter around, do self-care, exercise, groom, shop, watch the shows I like, eat a simple meal without negotiating, etc.

If you're super extroverted and Type A, you might be able to handle 2 or 3 mono partners. It can be done. Read Bluebird's blog on this board. I get exhausted just reading about her life, personally! lol
 
It might make you feel happy and secure in fantasy, but imagine all the work, to be 2 or 3 men's primary partner. All their romantic and sexual needs would be met by you. If they had strong needs, this would be quite tiring. I enjoy my partner going to her bf's house because she suffers from anxiety and ADHD. She also has certain medical physical needs I help her with. I like sharing the work with her bf. Then I can focus on my other partner's needs. Not to mention getting some me-time too! I really like having one day a week where I don't need to be around anyone and can just putter around, do self-care, exercise, groom, shop, watch the shows I like, eat a simple meal without negotiating, etc.

If you're super extroverted and Type A, you might be able to handle 2 or 3 mono partners. It can be done. Read Bluebird's blog on this board. I get exhausted just reading about her life, personally! lol
That’s a good point! Lol. I’m currently totally in love with two men, have been in this situation more than once in life, and am finally exploring what I want and what this means for me. I think I am most oriented towards polyandry but I don’t know how to broach it with them and maybe even if they did agree the reality of the situation would be too much to handle for me. I don’t know. I don’t even know how someone finds people who are open to polyandry.
 
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