Who started it?

Who started it?

  • The male half initiated our poly relationship.

    Votes: 9 17.0%
  • The female half initiated our poly relationship.

    Votes: 32 60.4%
  • We were both poly.

    Votes: 6 11.3%
  • We're a same-sex couple.

    Votes: 4 7.5%
  • I hate polls.

    Votes: 2 3.8%

  • Total voters
    53

TruckerPete

New member
Indigo has pointed out to me that many people he's told about our poly assume that as the male half of our couple, he initiated it. This is not the case.

So, in the interest of science, who started it in your relationship, if it wasn't already in place? :D

ETA: I've realized I have excluded anyone who came into a tribe/established couple. Please place your vote in "We were both Poly." or of course, "I hate polls."

Advance apologies to the other poly configs I am sure I've excluded .. *facepalm*
 
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Magdlyn

Moderator
Staff member
We are both women. We'd both been poly before we met. And so no one initiated it. I needed multiple choice!
 

Ariakas

Bosun
hmmm...thats tough, we have always been open. Thats mutual. However I was the first one to fall in love with another. But in the same breath she has always been poly capable. Very loving woman. The poly label and the idea of poly as an actual definition, I pushed for that. I am a need to know person, so I really needed to figure out what was happening to my brain.

I still say both.
 

River

Active member
We were both poly-oriented--more or less--before we met. But we talked about it and made a conscious decision to mutually embrace a poly relationship style.

And we are a same sex couple (male). So we seem to fit at least two criteria in the voting options. Hmm.
 

Indigomontoya

New member
Yeah it was TP who first said she needed poly, but then it could be said that I gave the green light.

In terms of discussion, I find that people have generally assumed I initiated the poly in a negative way. Like I am the jerk forcing my need for multiple partners on TP...like I mentioned in my blog one person actually asked "you have someone already, is that not enough?"
 

MonoVCPHG

New member
How can I answer this :confused: Let's say my overwhelming love for Redpepper dragged me into polyamory ;)
 

Lemondrop

New member
I need to qualify my answer as well...when we were given an opportunity, Easy said, "I will follow whatever decision you make" and wouldn't tender an opinion. So, technically, I chose to open our relationship to poly, which is a decision I take responsibility for. However, there was a looooong lead-up to it, and I will admit I felt some pressure to agree to it--whether that pressure was real or imagined, I may never know. So, technically, the female half of our marriage chose poly, but there's some possibility that secret societies conspired to create the events which caused the ultimate outcome.
 

Tonberry

New member
I started it, as Ragabash said.
I guess when several members of the same relationship vote, it doubles it! I wonder if that makes the result less "usable", since some relationships will kinda count double (or maybe more) and some other will count once...

Oh well, on such a small sample it's hardly a scientific poll anyways :p

So far, huge majority of female initiators. That's interesting.
 

TruckerPete

New member
I started it, as Ragabash said.
I guess when several members of the same relationship vote, it doubles it! I wonder if that makes the result less "usable", since some relationships will kinda count double (or maybe more) and some other will count once...

Oh well, on such a small sample it's hardly a scientific poll anyways :p

So far, huge majority of female initiators. That's interesting.

Yes, I already gave Indigo trouble for skewing my results! :D

I originally wanted to poll M-F couples, but still wanted everyone's input on who started it, so then I added same-sex, after which I realized I excluded unicorns and tribes and people coming into tribes and... *sigh* :eek:
 

Tonberry

New member
I think if you make a new one, you should make it multiple-answer... With Rag I initiated it, but with Sean we were both poly when we met, for instance.

Now, if you're only wondering about established, opposite-sex couples who opened up their relationship (without starting that way), that means less people can vote, but you might get results that are more interesting for what you're wondering.
 

MsKtty89

New member
I put "we were both poly," although I technically started it. I brought it up, but the feelings were mutual, so I felt that was a better answer. :)
 

Kika

New member
Love Mush

I (the female half) brought up poly to the BF about a year or maybe two years ago. He asked me a funny question: "If you came home and saw me with another girl what would you do?" I answered with "I would join in!". Two things lead me to this answer. 1) I trust the BF 100% and if he found another girl that means he loves her deeply and who am I to stop true love? 2) I'm not a jealous person. I have never felt jealous when it comes to the BF loving more people than just me.
However, the BF didn't like my answer as much as I thought he would haha. He thought I didn't love him with all my heart because I wasn't jealous. But after time and explanation he came to share my idea ^_^ (I've been poly since I was 17). The BF and I have a fantastic relationship. I feel as though it only makes sense to keep building that love. Having another person join our relationship just seems right. Now that the BF's and my relationship are sturdy and happy, it should be able to easily support another heart ^-^.
 

Penny

New member
The hubby introduced the topic, but I went first... so I don't know how to answer.
 
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