YouAreHere is... where? (Or, "This Road Map Still Sucks...") - Blog, Part II

YouAreHere

Well-known member
YouAreHere is... where? (Or, "This Road Map Still Sucks...") - Blog, Part II

Intro post, which is just the outro post from my last blog thread. Methinks there are enough changes in my life right now to warrant a new thread/chapter.

Well... a lot has happened in a few months. YAH ended up having herself a full-blown identity crisis for a while! But I'll get to that...

What the heck did I talk about last time? YouAreHere has most definitely NOT been "here."

Oh, yeah...

The .sig most definitely needs updating. Noa abruptly left Chops' life and unfriended all the rest of us from Facebook soon thereafter. Lots going on there, and I feel for her, but zoinks... scorched earth. Cheesegirl and Chops are pretty much just friends at this point. Xena and Curls' relationship has kind of backed up a few steps, but the house plans are still in motion, even if it ends up to be a couple of different living spaces or something. Xena's got a new guy that she's really happy about, and she's really (REALLY) working on tamping down her expectations when it comes to what kind of relationships she wants with people (which was one of the big bugaboos with why we didn't really get along all that well in the beginning of the relationship with Chops). Things are going pretty well, all things considered.

And then there's me. Good ol' Mono, Pendulum-hearted me. Good ol' me who was the recipient of some nice, flirty attention from a coworker (well, we're in the same building, he's in my spin classes, but we'll never actually *work* together - very different disciplines). Good ol' me who really liked the flirting and reciprocated, because hey - it's all cool and open and on the up and up, and I think he's a cool guy. Good ol' me who thought, as the flirting went on, "Hm... I wonder if I'm right or wrong about myself..."

And now... Good ol' me who's been on two dates with this guy and is now planning a third. :eek:

Yeah, we'll let THAT sink in for a bit, shall we?

A little bit longer, perhaps. Hell, *I'm* still letting it sink in.

Chops and I have had some long conversations about it. The Pendulum thing really threw him, since I was SO adamant about being that way, and he didn't understand what changed. And I guess nothing changed, except I really just wanted to see if I really DO know myself, and to do it by challenging myself, and see, now that a mutual attraction has presented itself, if I really were the person I believed myself to be. I didn't want to ask myself "what if" - if I had/have regrets, I at least wanted them to be about SOMETHING rather than NOT doing something... if that makes sense.

Of course, it makes New Guy something of a science project, which I hate, but I'm being completely honest about not knowing where this is going, or knowing if I will be able to actually *do* a relationship (but then again, so is New Guy - he's been really damned good about digging into the deep stuff rather than noping out of the whole thing. It's been impressive!). So my goal is to keep doing that, keep being proactive about talking about stuff, and see where things go.

On the plus side, I'm really into this guy, and I don't think it's negatively impacting my feelings for Chops. I am, however, totally overanalyzing the HELL out of myself, though, and it's getting tiring. I occasionally feel disingenuous about myself (ID'ing as Mono), and wonder if it'd just be best to wrap up my other blog in a nice little bow and end it (due to the Mono/Poly-centric-ness of it), but then I wonder if it'd be better to just keep it going and have it become something else as well. I pulled away entirely from the blog, and from the board, just to chew on all this for a while, and I think I'm at a point now where I'm okay with this shift, and I'll roll with it and talk about it, and see how things go.

And then, I also think I've just come to the conclusion that I'm too old for this labeling shit, and I'm done with trying to put a name to who/what I am, other than "me." Screw it. And pulling away from the board feels dumb, because gee - MAYBE one or two of you here has been through this before, no? Oh well... if there's one label that may stick, it's "stubborn." :p

So yeah. My signature needs updating. And New Guy needs a name. Who the hell am I again? Maybe it's time to shutter this blog thread and open another... Chapter Two, perhaps. Onward and upward.

Life sure is interesting, isn't it?
 

YouAreHere

Well-known member
Oh! OH! And something I forgot to add to the end of the previous blog:

DanceGirl now has her licence.

And a car.

And a job.

Good LORD, what a friggin' abrupt change. Like there isn't already enough going on. :rolleyes:

I didn't realize I'd get hit with the "feeling unnecessary" feeling until it happened. I know it's silly, but wow. It *is* however funny listening to her complain about how the people who set her hours STILL can't seem to remember her availability and screw up her scheduling every week. Welcome to the working world, kid... that's why you get paid. :p
 

Magdlyn

Moderator
Staff member
Oh! Wow. This is entirely unexpected! Glad you posted on my blog, I noticed your new sig!

Verrry interesting!

Also the changes with Chops and his entourage. And your kid. Wow.

Best of luck with everything!
 

KC43

New member
Sounds like things have definitely taken some interesting turns for you. Hope everything works out great!
 
Wow! That's a lot going on! I hope you post more, I've missed your "voice" around here. :)
 

Atlantis

Active member
I am glad to see you back too. :)
 

YouAreHere

Well-known member
Thanks, all! :)

Date #3 is tonight, and given some of the questions he's asked (and wanted me to wait until we were face-to-face to answer), I think it's going to be another deep-dive conversation. Fingers are crossed that it goes well, even though I really don't have any expectations about what "going well" means right now. I suppose I'm good with "he doesn't immediately stand up, loudly nope out of things, and shun me at work," so I guess my bar is low. :D

At the very least, he mentioned that this place has blueberry cobbler. Even if he loudly nopes out, I'm staying for dessert. ;)
 

paraselene

New member
So happy to have found this thread! As a presumed mono suddenly and unexpectedly contemplating the prospect of being the hinge in a V, I'll be following with great interest.
 

YouAreHere

Well-known member
Wow... Good grief. Way to start a "new" blog thread and then never use it.

So... it's been a while. The 2017 guy didn't work out. We had about 5 dates and he wasn't keen on the poly thing, so we ended it. Good kisser, though. Lol. I found it especially ironic when one of his arguments against Poly was "how can you let him do that to you?" (I guess have multiple partners?) I was like, "What, the same thing I'm doing to YOU right now?" If you're gonna blame Chops, then blame me too, right? But there were other things about this guy that just wouldn't have worked out anyway, so it was nice for a while, but wasn't going anywhere.

June of last year, I went on a date with a guy I met from my board gaming group (Gameboy in my .sig), and we're still together. Yay us! :) He's a real easygoing sort, could be a hippie if given the chance, almost lived in a commune once (but wasn't accepted), and is even more ADHD than me, so I actually feel understood in that regard! :D

Things with Chops didn't go so well once I started dating and going through therapy and treatment for my depression/anxiety. I won't go through all the details, but after some distance from the relationship, I believe that Chops has a need to be needed by his partners. My anxiety really fed that caretaker need for him, and while it was volatile at times, he really dug into that role of taking care of me and trying to meet my needs. As I got healthier, I got less needy, which in turn he interpreted as me not loving him or thinking of him as much, as well as not being sure of his role in my life / our relationship. The dating added fuel to that fire, as does my ADHD... He got upset when I wouldn't text him while I was out with Gameboy... or with the kids... or as much in general. He felt as though he didn't exist when he wasn't with me. If I got distracted in the middle of a conversation with him, he took offense. It got bad, culminating in a huge fight the night before Thanksgiving. Ugly.

So we broke it off, cooled down, and downgraded our relationship. We cut our cord from our handfasting and destroyed our rings. We're more of a FWB relationship now (with no "B" at all since COVID started, lol), and even though I still think he gets his feelings hurt when I don't reach out as often as he'd like, we've maintained our friendship which was always the goal. I'm still in touch with Xena and his family, and it ended really well as far as endings go.

So now, in the midst of COVID, Gameboy and I are doing really well. The kids are doing really well. BandKid is looking into getting her license (OMG), and Cat Whisperer (yep, new names for the kids to reflect how much they've changed!) would be going off to school this weekend to start her Sophomore year if it weren't for this stupid virus.

I've picked up crochet again as my COVID hobby, learned to knit (my IG feed is full of project and cat pics! :D), and I've bought a 3D printer that I plan to set up this weekend. Playing lots of board games with Gameboy and the kids, or online. Still playing video games, but far less since I've always got a crochet project going. Gameboy has gotten me into a couple RPGs with him and his friends, and life is just... calm and good. I haven't felt the need to talk with my therapist in a few months, the anxiety/depression is under control, and there are far fewer ups and downs in my relationships. It's kinda boring at this point. Lol.

So that's my update. Since things are really calm right now, I may just post stuff I find fun and interesting... the 3D printing seems REALLY fun, and I've favorited a lot of things on Thingiverse to print when I finally set it up. I've got two laptops to wipe, one of which I'll use with the printer. It'll be kind of fun to share how that all goes, along with general life stuff. It just won't be full of relationship volatility like my last blog was.

Edited to add this aside: I find it interesting that as I managed my anxiety with medication and therapy, I'm finding it easier to relate to the concept of not having "attachments". Not in the "I love people and want to be around them" way, but in the "I will have a gaping hole inside me if I don't have this person / thing / plan work out in my life" way. I feel stronger and healthier as a person, generally, and it's nice to have some faith in myself to believe that even if my relationship with Gameboy doesn't pan out in the future, after the kids grow up and build their own lives and families, I drift apart from some friends and closer to others, that I am still in control of my own destiny and I can enjoy my life regardless. It's a damned good feeling.

You guys all rock, BTW... this forum is still one I come to and read daily, even if I don't comment much. Thanks again to all of you!

Okay... off to go do some work now. :)
 
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kdt26417

Official Greeter
Staff member
Hey YAH,

I enjoyed your new post here, it sounds like things have greatly calmed down for you over these past few years. I also had a lot of emotional turbulence in my past, finally arrived at the right mindset/routines/surroundings/meds so I could be calm most of the time (still have a constant low-grade anxiety thing going on though). I've been following your Facebook posts and enjoying that, you have awesome kids and your cats are cool too. Carry on! :D

With much regards,
Kevin T.
 

YouAreHere

Well-known member
Aw, thanks Kevin!
The COVID hobbies have really helped as well, since whatever low-grade anxiety I still have is helped by making things (I have this need to "do something" and feel guilty when I don't feel like I'm being productive). Plus, it's FUN productivity! :)

Never thought I'd see a personal bright side with this pandemic, but there you go. Lol.
 

kdt26417

Official Greeter
Staff member
A pox on Covid. :D But it's cool that you got a new hobby or two out of it.
 

YouAreHere

Well-known member
I logged in today, and... SURPRISE! New forum! Looks nice, and I find the trophy thing hilarious. Still getting used to things, and not really sure how to flag posts as spam anymore, but I'll ask that in a different thread.

Work is hellish right now... getting through some software testing that should have been done months ago, dealing with a huge cost overrun (your US tax dollars at work, folks... sigh), and also supporting a new proposal. I'm tired.

Did some thinking last night and realized that I'm very easily emotionally manipulated and tend to internalize things a LOT, even when logically, it makes no sense to. You'd think I would have learned my lesson after my marriage, but no. Sigh. I looked back on one of the incidents between me and Chops that was the BIG "beginning of the end" moment, and I got a bit angry in retrospect when Chops spun the story (in anger) in a way that made it sound like I was a terrible, selfish person. Yes, I have my selfish moments. We all do. But from my side, it was more being blindsided by a situation and not knowing how to react. And then getting shut out so I couldn't react when he got angry. Meh. I'm being vague here, but I'm glad I had a good therapist to talk it all over with. I'm not sure if recognizing that tendency in myself to take on other people's emotions will help me to stop doing it so much, but I guess being aware of it is the first step.

Finished crocheting some fingerless mitts yesterday that I now need to block and sew together. Made them out of some wool that I "rescued" from Goodwill or Savers (thrifted, at the very least), and I found that it was moth-eaten. Boo. Managed to pull together a sizeable ball of the yarn, stuck it in the freezer for a few days to make sure any and all eggs were gone (ew), and decided to make something warm out of it in time for Fall. I'll post a pic when I'm done. :)

BTW, if anyone here is on Ravelry, look me up. I'm "m0nkeyh0use" there. And if anyone has any awesome patterns or project ideas, please feel free to share! Always looking for new fun stuff.

Anyway, that's enough of that. Stay safe and healthy, all!
 

YouAreHere

Well-known member
Welp, I went purple. :D
A friend of mine works for Supercuts corporate and was running some color classes, so I figured, "What the hell?" Especially for free! Double win!
She says she'll keep me on her list for future classes.

So... I was cool with my natural salt-n-pepper ('s here, and we're in effect!), but I'm really loving this.

Finished my niece's afghan and sent it in the mail with my sister's birthday present. Can't wait until they receive it... I'm all giddy!
And now I'm working on a hat just to have something quick to work up before I work on a throw for a friend's wedding.

Methinks this hobby is catching on this time around... :oops:

(Edited: Dang... picture won't load. I'll try to add it on my other laptop or via mobile.)
 

YouAreHere

Well-known member
Let's see... post-holiday update ahead:

GameBoy and I are still doing well. He's at my house every weekend and maybe one extra night a week, and I think I'm getting into the "God, that habit is annoying" phase of our relationship, lol. Still, he's more ADHD than I am, so I get it, and we roll with it. No real fights, one misunderstanding that turned into an, "Oohhhhhh, THAT'S what you meant" after I explained my rationale. Honestly? This relationship is WAY more smooth sailing than my relationship with Chops, even though that one had great highs that came with the lows. I think I'm good with the flat ride now instead of the roller coaster, TBH.

Holidays from Thanksgiving through New Year's went smoothly and quietly as well. Just me, GameBoy, and the kids. I invited my exH, since we're pretty much in the same bubble, but the movie theater he works for is (naturally) going through hard times because of COVID and he ended up working each time. Which is fine with me - I just wanted to give him an option if he were to be alone on the holidays.

I WOEFULLY underestimated the amount of time it would take me to hand-make Christmas gifts this year, so I'm still making them. Lol. I guess it will add to the element of surprise.

Now trying to deal with the "COVID 19" pounds I've gained since I've been working from home. I ordered a ProForm bike with the online classes, so hopefully that will be more motivating than trying to get revved up by myself. I *have* gotten an Oculus and MAN is Beat Saber a friggin' workout - and FUN! Anyone on here who wants to friend me on Oculus, let me know and we can play together! Also looking into changing my eating habits. Working from home puts me within steps of the kitchen, so I've gotten into the habit of grazing all day. Started looking into intermittent fasting, which has certainly helped me not snack all damn night. We shall see how it goes.

As for poly stuff... well, it's not really a big part of my life anymore. Chops and I are still I guess "in a relationship" but since COVID hit, we've only seen each other once, masked, and distanced. GameBoy's just dying to see people again in a social way (as am I), but that's about it on the romantic front. BO-RING. Lol. Like I said, though, the boring ride is better than the roller coaster right now. I've got other irons in the fire with stuff around the house. Like all this friggin' YARN.

It's not hoarding if it's yarn, right? I mean, I'm using it. ;)

Happy New Year, everyone!
 

YouAreHere

Well-known member
Q2 2021 Update:

Nothing much to see here. BandKid has her driver's licence now (woohoo)! I have a pile of crocheted items that I need to give to their intended recipients, my almost 19-year-old cat has taken over the afghan I'm making for Cat Whisperer (clearly, I need to start another one), and I've got Spring Fever.

Started Bullet Journaling, and it's been a good way for my ADHD brain to get some stuff done, or at least keep track of it (rather than scribbles in notebooks or sticky notes that end up at the bottom of a pile somewhere). Plus, I get to doodle in it, record my thoughts and mood, weird little events and such, and I even started a dream tracker because my dreams are completely WHACKED!

Things are good with GameBoy, and we have a nice little routine. BandKid is loving all the RPGing we're doing, and we've included some of her friends as well.

BandKid's best friend has been sleeping over every weekend and I've pretty much informally adopted him, lol. They've been friends since 6th or 7th grade, and his parents aren't all that supportive of his being trans (they still deadname him, etc.), and his mom is one of those end-of-the-world religious types and a COVID denier, so that's niiiiice. So he gets to do RPGs with us (mom says they're Satanic, lol... Hello? the '80s called and they want their paranoia back!) and just be himself. He's a good kid - a bit of a nut, but he reminds me of how nutty I was at that age too. :)

So, the house is like this weird little ragtag family on Saturdays at this point, and it's been really nice. No crazy ups and downs, just... nice.

I like that. :)
 

Magdlyn

Moderator
Staff member
Teenagers often do well to be adopted by a more suitable family at some point! We did that too. We took in a couple of kids, and later, one of ours spent time elsewhere.

I'm glad things are on an even keel despite the madness in the world.
 

YouAreHere

Well-known member
Got woken up before 6am today by my tuxie who decided I had slept enough and kept gently (and adorably) pawing at my face. Sigh. We did have a nice play session after he ate and I got to watch the sun rise, so that was nice anyway.

One thing I think I forgot to add to my blog is that I finally found and got in touch with my bio father. Thanks, 23andMe! Let me just say THAT was a strange conversation over Facebook Messenger. Lol. He just turned 78 yesterday, and he's a day's drive away, in the Virginia area, so once the Plague Madness is over, I'll be heading down to see him with a belated birthday gift. :) It's scary how much I look like him in my baby/toddler pictures.

Family stories from my uncle were that my family's mob friends had him killed (eyeroll) after my mom got pregnant. I was glad to find out that wasn't the case! 😁 He's full of interesting stories, has lived all over the world, and I think I know where I got my sarcastic sense of humor from. Go figure. He's *so* easy to talk with. He was completely gobsmacked and emotional at first - he never had kids with his wife - and now it's catch-up time.

Crazy how life keeps on popping up new and interesting things. Privacy concerns aside, I'm glad technology has gotten to the point where we can find links to our past and the potential of new family. I never felt incomplete... still don't feel like a hole has been filled or anything, but it's really nice to be able to finally fill in some pages of a missing book and get the whole story.

Anyhoo... good morning, all!
 

Evie

Strong Woman
Wow, that's wonderful and beautiful. I'm so glad he wants to know you and is telling you his stories.

I found and met mine when I was quite young but it was still fascinating searching for resemblances. Turns out there was a rose mark on my forehead that comes from his side!
 
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