Recent content by Asparagus

This may be a just me thing, but I see "IPA only please!" And get turned off. Either you mean you- in which case, you are saying you need your partner's permission to get a type of beer, or you'd consider not dating someone because of what type of beer they drank. And if I don't like IPA's...

Deleted- realized I answered my own question and it wasn't a clear Piece of writing.

No bluntness needed-'I would agree with you. The reason I started this thread is because I am a storm believer in self-determinism, and had found myself.being, uncharacteristically, less than 100% supportive. It's not as simple as can or can't - I can probably always be supportive as long as...

I hadn't even considered the possibility that these restrictions might add. I get that relationships outside the primary are really good for someone. Certainly my friend. I'm not sure that the cuckolding applies- I'm jut grasping at straws. I sense it's more something my friend accepts as a...

Note: the reason it even matters to me is I'm trying to be supportive to my friend in a situation where this happened, and can use some help seeing I'm not furthering unhealthiness by doing so.

By trial and error, I have figured out I do badly with the freedom of mine to do whatever I want with a partner being restricted for a metamour's feelings sake. I have no problem if that's for practicality (my partner would really like to have a strong come with his wife who he is planning to...

I think one of the problems with internet advice- maybe especially here-is the tendency to pick out one thing and almost pathologicalize it- especially if different from us. I'd like to offer an alternative to that. You're young. (I looked you up.) You're doing pretty well for your age...

Also, with break-up pain, I'm deciding that I'm responsible for my own closure. Sure, it would be nice to know. But the basics are the person breaking up with me just saved me and them a lot of pain of trying to work through a relationship where they felt there was terminal incompatibility...

Yep. I feel your feels and get your pain. Just went through this. I enjoy problem solving, too. My last 2 partners did not, and one of the break-ups felt out of left field for me. And several times, they got to "ready to dump" stage and I was mystified- weren't they going to at least talk...

So, having recently broken up with my triad, I'm finding that it has all sorts of implications from my remaining relationship, with Django. There are all sorts of wonderful things about that- we're both super-horny, well-matched personality-wise, talk things out easily, and can talk forever...

Triad love is beautiful. If I were to do it again, I would make sure that each person had the capacity to be a full-on lover for me. That it's not just a play partner you could be, but a live-in partner with Lady, if that's where you're headed; that you would individually take a relationship to...

And devil's advocate: you have the right to exercise white privilege in a mixed-race scenario where one is white. But it's not going to make you two happy. Same with Hetero- cis- male- or any other privilege that applies. But is that love? More likely, it would be hurtful at best, abusive...

Well, theoretically, it is a right to decide to function as a couple. But.... John Gottlieb's research showed that one of the predictors of a relationship failing or not was influenceability: could a particular partner be influenced and changed by the other. If the newbie cannot influence a...

So, what's the best calendar program you know for iphone? I've been using Cozi, and except that it takes forever to load, and you can't opt in and out of privacy settings, love the format. But a break-up has meant a dissolution of the group calendar, and I'm going for something new. I'd like...

I'd like to add my own experience. I dated a not-so-good-communicator about this stuff, as a first poly experience, with the assumption from a metamour that the way to help feelings was more communication. Things got forgotten ; I got hurt, tension built. I was at a breaking point with it...