Recent content by beginninglove

back with updates so, its been awhile since i have posted here. things have been very hectic with all the adjustments to my new life, and i have travelling quite a bit. alex and i are on good terms but she doesn't really want to have much contact with me. that has been really difficult to...

just spent a good few hours with alex, reconnecting and talking finances and figuring out how we are going to make this separation work logistically. i put two and two together and figured out that she is (finally) starting a sexual relationship with someone new. when she and i first started...

checking back in so its been quite a while (almost 3 months!) since my last dramatic post. needless to say, my life has been in varied states of chaos since then, which contributed to me not posting here. but i also think i didn't know what/how much to write, and i have felt really all over the...

so last night was one of the worst nights of my entire life. i will make the recap brief. basically, i spent a lot of energy trying to make alex's birthday fun for her by planning a party, inviting all of our friends, decorating, getting food, etc. i had a lot of anxiety because we had had a...

thank you truebrooke for your response and your insight. i agree that the body is such an important source of information and guidance. i am practicing listening to it, and i notice that sometimes i can confuse myself by thinking about what my body is telling me to do especially when it come...

feeling sad tonight. even though i am so grateful for this poly framework, this way of thinking about myself that is not pathologizing, sometimes i wonder why i can't just be more like other people who seem to have found THAT person, the ONE that makes them sure about how they want to spend...

Thanks so much for all the good questions, MeeraReed. The day after you posted that I wrote out this long, thoughtful response to each part of your questions and then of course something happened and the site asked me to log in a bunch of times and i lost the whole thing. i was so frustrated i...

good question. i'm going to be brutally honest about this. there are a few reasons. 1) in the beginning it was better, but we quickly fell into more of a comfortable place with each other that was more secure and less sexy. i think this is somewhat typical in long term relationships and...

thanks for your good questions and feedback again, MeeraReed. very helpful. i've been trying to be extra attentive to alex, doing things with her that i know she enjoys. the sex between us has not been going well though, as i am feeling it even less than usual with alex lately. i remember...

had an amazing night with k last night. the energy between us is just so sexy and sweet and fun and addictive! ahhh the serotonin bath of NRE... the other day alex asked me if i thought i might be falling in love with k, and i didn't know what to say. what does "falling in love" really mean...

the torture part of the NRE okay, i am promising myself right now that i am going to post this and then i am getting RIGHT to work and am not going to be distracted for the rest of the day!! thanks for the comment, MeeraReed. its so great to get feedback here. good to be reminded that Alex is...

I agree! So confusing. Which is why I have not committed to leaving even when everything in me was saying "Run out the door and save yourself...now!!" The fact that Alex continues to try so hard really does inspire me about our relationship and help me to feel really committed to doing the...

i just re-read this blog from the beginning and got totally frustrated with myself. if someone else had written this, i would tell them to grab themselves by the balls and do it already!! so sad to waste life living in fear of making a mistake, but that is precisely what i am doing.

thanks MeeraReed. again you have given me a lot to think about, and i really appreciate your forthrightness and thoughtfulness. it is so helpful to get feedback from someone with an objective perspective. i continue to struggle with what my relationship with alex is really about, and why i...

NRE or limerance addiction? So the NRE with K is intensifying, which I suppose was to be expected while Alex is away traveling for work. I haven't spent *every* free moment with K while Alex has been gone, but certainly a lot more than when Alex is around. I have been very honest with Alex...