Court
I'm in a vee polyamorous relationship with a male hinge/pivot person (FMF). My boyfriend and I live together. We have known each other for over 10 years, but lost touch for the majority of that time by my choice. We have been in a relationship and living together since Christmas-time 2020.
He has another girlfriend, and they have been together over 5 years. They lived together for years then Covid ruined their situation and he had to go live with his family in another state. Within a few months of him moving away from his gf, him and I reconnected over the internet and quickly bonded again. He came to Texas to visit family for Christmas, and we decided to meet up. Instead of flying back to where he was living, he wanted to stay in Texas. We decided living together would be ideal instead of him living with his family members.
This is my first polyamorous relationship. I was somewhat familiar with polyamory for years before choosing to participate in this type of relationship. I was monogamous before, but always felt that people, or most people, are not meant to be monogamous. I feel much of human nature contradicts the human need to be monogamous and have that one and only companion. Many people misunderstand what actual love and companionship is. Many people cheat, flirt, look lustfully at others, lie, deceive, omit, don't communicate, aren't willing to compromise, don't try to understand their partners' point of view and feelings, invalidate their partners' feelings, etc....I could go on. Monogamy works for some, and it doesn't work for others.
That being said, before my boyfriend and I became a partnership and we were still just talking on the phone from two different states, I just assumed he was single by the way he talked and the way we talked. I was taken by surprise when he told me he was polyamorous and the "girl/best friend" he spoke of sometimes was actually his girlfriend of 5 years (quoted because this is exactly how he referred to her when we were just talking by texting). He said he didn't tell me right away because he wanted to make sure he still cared about me first before coming out, and he didn't want to lose me again. He said he would want me in his life in some capacity, even if I didn't want to be in a relationship with him. When he told me I started crying over video chat and hung up on him, very confused and feeling I had lost my chance with him. I then thought about it, and thought about how I've always felt about relationships and monogamy. I thought about how many times I've been cheated on, lied to, and deceived. I thought about how monogamy hasn't worked out for me so far. I quickly did a little research about polyamory. Then I messaged him back and said that I was willing to try. I figured it was more ideal for each of us instead of losing each other again, since we still cared about each other. We talked for a few weeks over messaging and video calls, then decided to be in a relationship. We met up a few days before Christmas when he flew down to spend the holiday with his family. We spent a day and night together talking, laughing, reminiscing about when we were younger. It was so comfortable and almost like no time had passed. I knew I still had love and care for him, and with the feelings I already had about monogamous relationships, I knew I wanted to at least give it a real try.
So here we are currently in the middle of March 2021, in a relationship and living together for two and a half months now. I've done a lot of research on polyamory, the different types of relationships, the terminology, what is considered cheating, red flags to look out for, as well as how much honesty, communication, and compromise is involved. Besides the jealous feelings I get sometimes, which I know are natural and I can work through, this is the most trusting, honest, communicative relationship I have ever had.
I met my boyfriend's other girlfriend early on, and her and I talk on our own now and have developed a connection. We are actually a lot alike in many ways. The three of us have video calls together, they have their own video calls, and her and I will talk on our own during their video calls. Her and I haven't had our own separate video calls tho. It has just been during one for all of us or during theirs, and her and I message each other. We all will sometimes talk about a future with the three of us and discuss plans. We try our hardest to work out any jealousy or other problems that arise. This current dynamic of vee FMF polyamory is going well and I'm becoming more and more comfortable with it. The most important thing is I realize that I'm happy. I'm not happy all day, every day...but I am happy.
I have joined this forum because I'm tired of researching questions and situations that aren't really what I'm going through in this dynamic. I would much rather have my situation out here and get advice from people with poly experience. Unwanted feelings do come up, and problems and questions do arise...just like any relationship.
I want to be a part of a community that feels the things I feel, and has pretty much the same questions and experiences that I have with polyamory. I want to understand better and keep learning about this because I want to give this relationship real effort and want it to work out in the long run.
He has another girlfriend, and they have been together over 5 years. They lived together for years then Covid ruined their situation and he had to go live with his family in another state. Within a few months of him moving away from his gf, him and I reconnected over the internet and quickly bonded again. He came to Texas to visit family for Christmas, and we decided to meet up. Instead of flying back to where he was living, he wanted to stay in Texas. We decided living together would be ideal instead of him living with his family members.
This is my first polyamorous relationship. I was somewhat familiar with polyamory for years before choosing to participate in this type of relationship. I was monogamous before, but always felt that people, or most people, are not meant to be monogamous. I feel much of human nature contradicts the human need to be monogamous and have that one and only companion. Many people misunderstand what actual love and companionship is. Many people cheat, flirt, look lustfully at others, lie, deceive, omit, don't communicate, aren't willing to compromise, don't try to understand their partners' point of view and feelings, invalidate their partners' feelings, etc....I could go on. Monogamy works for some, and it doesn't work for others.
That being said, before my boyfriend and I became a partnership and we were still just talking on the phone from two different states, I just assumed he was single by the way he talked and the way we talked. I was taken by surprise when he told me he was polyamorous and the "girl/best friend" he spoke of sometimes was actually his girlfriend of 5 years (quoted because this is exactly how he referred to her when we were just talking by texting). He said he didn't tell me right away because he wanted to make sure he still cared about me first before coming out, and he didn't want to lose me again. He said he would want me in his life in some capacity, even if I didn't want to be in a relationship with him. When he told me I started crying over video chat and hung up on him, very confused and feeling I had lost my chance with him. I then thought about it, and thought about how I've always felt about relationships and monogamy. I thought about how many times I've been cheated on, lied to, and deceived. I thought about how monogamy hasn't worked out for me so far. I quickly did a little research about polyamory. Then I messaged him back and said that I was willing to try. I figured it was more ideal for each of us instead of losing each other again, since we still cared about each other. We talked for a few weeks over messaging and video calls, then decided to be in a relationship. We met up a few days before Christmas when he flew down to spend the holiday with his family. We spent a day and night together talking, laughing, reminiscing about when we were younger. It was so comfortable and almost like no time had passed. I knew I still had love and care for him, and with the feelings I already had about monogamous relationships, I knew I wanted to at least give it a real try.
So here we are currently in the middle of March 2021, in a relationship and living together for two and a half months now. I've done a lot of research on polyamory, the different types of relationships, the terminology, what is considered cheating, red flags to look out for, as well as how much honesty, communication, and compromise is involved. Besides the jealous feelings I get sometimes, which I know are natural and I can work through, this is the most trusting, honest, communicative relationship I have ever had.
I met my boyfriend's other girlfriend early on, and her and I talk on our own now and have developed a connection. We are actually a lot alike in many ways. The three of us have video calls together, they have their own video calls, and her and I will talk on our own during their video calls. Her and I haven't had our own separate video calls tho. It has just been during one for all of us or during theirs, and her and I message each other. We all will sometimes talk about a future with the three of us and discuss plans. We try our hardest to work out any jealousy or other problems that arise. This current dynamic of vee FMF polyamory is going well and I'm becoming more and more comfortable with it. The most important thing is I realize that I'm happy. I'm not happy all day, every day...but I am happy.
I have joined this forum because I'm tired of researching questions and situations that aren't really what I'm going through in this dynamic. I would much rather have my situation out here and get advice from people with poly experience. Unwanted feelings do come up, and problems and questions do arise...just like any relationship.
I want to be a part of a community that feels the things I feel, and has pretty much the same questions and experiences that I have with polyamory. I want to understand better and keep learning about this because I want to give this relationship real effort and want it to work out in the long run.