Recent content by gaPoly83

Considering the history of violence and her explosive anger tendencies, my plan is to act like everything is fine and continue my work on an exit strategy. Yes I realize it’s crazy to think and say that she could turn things around, but honestly, it would take her somehow convincing me that she...

UPDATE: We just finished our session. The counselor pulled me into a side bar without my spouse present. I told her basically I felt what she was asking me to do was unethical. She didn’t fight me much on it because she is very certain that my wife’s boundaries are going to be unacceptable to...

Thanks so much. I got wonderful replies there and feel so very welcomed here.

Everyone she's dated has been poly. I haven’t shared some of that history to keep things more anonymous, and other parts I genuinely don’t know. Time is something we generally discuss as things happen, but she is generally more jealous around those issues and it’s something we continually work...

Yes. This thread is at least making me feel less crazy for having these thoughts and solidifying things for me. I’m afraid you are correct. Our next session is on Tuesday. In the meantime I am laying low and saying little. I do not want to broach these topics with her outside of counseling.

You are correct in what I meant. “Before these issues showed up 6-7 months ago" is what I meant. We had been practicing our form of poly well for 2.5 years at that point. This is the first major fracture we have had. I will say we have had a very low conflict marriage up to this point except for...

The DV issues are not new. I don’t know Yes I mean Pear. Thank you as it autocorrected. Apple and Pie are out of the picture romantically. She has retained a friendship with Pie but not Apple. You may be right. She hasn’t expressed that as “the issue.” When we separated she started seeing...

The DV issues are not new. I can only say that she has an issue with emotional regulation.

I never did answer your last question. What I want is the same thing I’ve wanted from the beginning of this conflict, which is to “return to the way we were,” which was working fine for us both, up until it wasn’t. I recognize that this isn’t a reality, so I have modified my mindset to say “I...

Thank you for the suggestion. I will try and incorporate that going forward. My “network” is sometimes confusing enough to myself.

I guess “serious” is subjective. I would consider them “serious” in the fact that she was with them for 6 months to a year and she had both a gf and bf at the same time at several points over the past few years. I will also say that I have become hazy and couldn’t give you precise dates. I...

My apologies for not being more clear. She has had a couple gfs and a few serious bfs in that time span. We originally both dated separately her second gf, who was my first and her second. So this is my second gf, but first gf without her being involved romantically, as well, if that makes sense...

Well, I’d say she has done more poly dating than I have. I never felt like we stopped dating each other. Hell, we are in this hell, and up until last week I’ve continued to try and date her. I will reflect more on that to make sure it’s true, but it’s my gut reaction.

I am on mobile so not sure how to hit that exactly. Anyway, I’ll keep the paragraphs going since it seems to work. None of our swinging partners turned into poly. We have been poly for 3 years at this point. That trip was the only time she had to deal with our NRE as a couple. I have had to...

I’m not sure how to do the quotes part of your response so I’ll try and paragraph this as best as I can. We started out swinging. My wife discovered that she found herself having romantic feelings for people, and we moved into a poly dynamic, with her having a gf first. My current gf is the...