Recent content by Hopeful

Warning: Academic Feminist theory incoming. Proceed with caution. ;) I don't know that I agree that the two examples OP uses are the only public perceptions, or even the most common ones. But I think it's definitely true that the public perception of poly bears little relationship to my own...

Is it the overtly sexual nature of this that you find shocking? And - intensely personal question incoming, feel free to not answer - has he ever shared this particular kink with you personally, and is it the kind of thing you'd be down with? As my husband and I have explored our poly natures...

That is absolutely true. My husband and I both identify as polyamorous, which makes things simpler sometimes. But if he weren't or I weren't, I imagine the conversation would have to be had far differently. I hope my little metaphor didn't come across as me dogging on monoamory, just me trying...

Honestly, the idea that a man would ever say to a woman who he loves and wants a romantic relationship with that he wants to date other women because he wants "more attractive" lovers rubs me completely the wrong way. I am not an underwear model. Neither is my husband. Neither, for that matter...

Think about it from his perspective: even if the girl he's talking with doesn't demonstrate jealous tendencies, he can hardly stop talking to her every few to text us, right? How does he explain that? "Oh, sorry, texting my girlfriend...no, I swear, I'm not a pig, she's married...please sit back...

I can only speak for myself, but I could never be in a marriage where my husband offered only black and white solutions to the issues you are describing. If you want to make any relationship work, polyamorous, monoamorous, or what have you, you have to be able to talk about how you're feeling...

Aw, thanks, Carnita. :) forelsket, I know that this site has been a huge help to me, even in the beginning when I just lurked. Just knowing that other people have dealt with this stuff makes me feel all kinds of better. And the fact that these other people are so willing to listen and offer...

OMG I FORGOT THE BATHROOM!! LOL OK, um... Let's see here. The bathroom is always clean, and there's a giant hot tub in it, deep enough that you can submerge to your chin. A sunken copper hot tub. Yeah... And big fluffy white towels that wrap all the way around you, even if you put on a few...

I think one of the hardest relationship things for me, as an intensely pragmatic and practical person, has been learning to let go of who's being irrational or not. If you feel a certain way, you feel that way. We're talking about emotions here, so maybe the distinction between irrational and...

When I had "the talk" with my husband, I used this kind of elaborate metaphor to describe my feelings about monogamy, and he liked it so much he's used it to explain our marriage to other people. Imagine you're shown into a wonderful room. In this room are all the things you love: every video...

This is my life. Right here. Oh man. It's like I'm back in junior high - does he like like me? Or just like me? We flirt, we talk, we enjoy each other's company...and he knows I'm married and I don't know if that's a deal-breaker or not. It's not for husband; he's said the exact same thing that...

Thanks, kingtone! I am keeping that in mind, definitely. And it's a slow process, like any relationship. And like any relationship, it may or may not work out, and it will hurt if it doesn't, but it is what it is. But I hope it works out. :)

I'm in this boat too. My husband and I have just recently opened our marriage, and there's this guy... We have a very flirtatious friendship, and I have feelings for him. I strongly suspect my feelings are reciprocated. My husband has already said he'd be thrilled to see this relationship...

I'm new to this myself, but the thing I've been keeping in mind is good advice I've been given in all other aspects of life, so I imagine it applies here too: What will be will be. I think we try so hard to define ourselves and give ourselves and our relationships labels. He's my husband...

Thanks! I'm glad to not be the only geek here. ;) Things are looking better and better all the time. My husband and I were talking things over last night, and he just got this big grin on his face. When I asked him what that was about, he said, "I'm just so happy we can finally be honest like...