Recent content by Inaniel

I vaguely remember reading an old discussion about this topic here on polyamory.com. I can’t recall it in great detail, but I think it was suggested that women can apparently have endless sex, whereas men must contend with stacking erections. Therefore, an MFM configuration is naturally easier...

One thing I’ve found helpful is mentally tagging my fantasies by telling myself, “I’m in fantasy mode now, not reality mode.” Getting into the habit of doing this helped my brain create a clearer boundary around my fantasies. Another idea is to write down a "reality anchor," such as: “She told...

So, to recap your poly experience: You tried polyamory to “fix” a sexual mismatch. Some time later, you haven’t had any success dating others, and the sexual relationship with your wife has diminished even further. At the same time, you're watching a new sexual relationship blossom for her with...

I will go against the grain and say that I think it's a bad idea to bring-in a meta who shows a lack of respect into your situation. Your instincts are flashing red alarm bells for a reason. You are allowed to trust your instincts. Polyamory circles often emphasize personal autonomy, at least...

The TLDR -as I see it- Pea went behind your back and lied to you so he could share a special moment with his family in your absence. You snooped on Pea’s phone while he was intoxicated, and questioned him. And the resolution you sought was to pressure him into doing the very thing that he does...

The hardest part of finding a really great sex partner is staving off the craving of wanting them all the time. That and dealing with the loss of desire for the bad sex partner. The good news for you is the open relationship is typically easier for the person who is going out and having...

I have witnessed plenty of women do the "all the good ones are taken" rant even in their 30s. Although this one was a bit different because ninjin seems to be talking about flip-flopping between mono and poly men. She is not attracted to the crunchy poly guy, so she is trying to exist in a...

I do not have a vagina, but I do have a partner who is very tight, so much so that I have to think all the way back to my sexual partners as a teenager to recollect anyone as tight as her. Over time, I have been a bit surprised how much I appreciate that about her, because I would not have said...

Opinions from online strangers, based on just a few paragraphs of a one-sided story, are likely to be speculative. Would you clarify what you're hoping to gain by posting here? Are you just looking to vent to people who understand? Are you struggling to get over your ex and blaming yourself...

Na, you’re good. Just try to leave it in the past.

I’m in an FMF V, and I’m the hinge. I think a turning point in our dynamic occurred when my partners began communicating directly with each other, instead of through me. They also made commitments to each other about caring for one another and looking out for each other's feelings, etc. When we...

I would challenge this statement by asking you if the ideal partner you always envisioned split their time with you and other people, and had sex with other people? If not, maybe there’s some boxes you forgot to consider. There is no universal “normal”. If you question her sincerity. That’s...

If you have an unwilling spouse, I think it eventually comes down to a leap of faith. I’m not placing any blame on the husband; in fact, I applaud him for having a backbone about this. We see so many people swallow this burden in an attempt to save the marriage, and it can be quite painful...

I think you should run away from this thing. Look for someone who does check all your boxes. Someone who shares your long-term vision of an ideal relationship. Maybe the ideal never quite turns out the way you expect, but I think that’s a better approach than forcing a relationship where the...

Opening a monogamous marriage can fail in fairly hurtful and/or disastrous ways. I would recommend seeking out some of those stories on the internet to balance out the idealistic stuff you might be reading about polyamory. The most ideal way to explore polyamory is when everyone involved has a...