Recent content by jantjen91

You talk about possibly spending the rest of your life with this man because the sex is so great but what about the times you aren't having sex? How does he treat you then? Do you have the same interests, the same values, same ideas about the future? How does he treat your children? Has he even...

How you see and act in relationships are heavily influenced by the relationships you had as a child. The therapist may be talking about your "inner child" to show you how past trauma affects the decisions you make now and how to change how you think in certain situations and how that can make...

I think you can feel like it devalues who you thought you were, especially if you are bringing up how your thoughts and habits are from past trauma. To unwrap years of behaviors can make you feel like you are a hot mess. I'm going through counseling right now and don't like it because it makes...

I'm sorry you are going through this. You deserve someone who truly values you.

This isn't poly. Poly includes talking about everything and creating a solid foundation in your relationship before you even think about seeing other people. And it can't be one-sided by force. He's using poly as an excuse to sleep with both you and his ex without consequences. He did cheat on...

Did you not speak with your wife about your feelings regarding non-monogamy? Of course she was upset. Her partner of 20 years flipped her world upside down. Couples counseling is a good idea but don't be surprised if your marriage fails.

He hasn't been physical with someone else, just online discussion. We have been involved in BDSM for a while but only played with each other. I've done a lot of reading and discussing having a second sub with other subs and doms and reading on certain kinks he has. I know he wouldn't have a...

I myself am trying to figure out ethical non-monogamy and if I want a part of it. I don't know much but what I have learned is that it doesn't work unless BOTH people in the primary relationship are on board. You asking him to put a hold on seeing other people, especially while you are basically...

He's on fetlife but met this woman through redditt after she posted a picture on a kink thread or board or whatever it's called there.

We live in a smaller city that has a small BDSM community with a lot of drama. He mentioned playing at a party with someone when this whole thing blew up but hasn't talked about it since. I would prefer if he had a more casual play partner but I think he wants a formal slave that he can meet...

You are correct. BDSM is a power exchange and the bottom can have more power than the top. Which is why I am worried about what my husband says he wants and may encounter. There are a lot of subs that like to manipulate doms and my husband is a people pleaser.

His wanting a second submissive falls under ENM, does it not? Especially if he wants to have sex. In the BDSM community it is acceptable to find other partners to fulfill kinks that your primary partner cannot. Intellectually I can understand why he wants a second partner. But since he started...

I'm trying to describe what he wants to do and I know subs that do like to get hit, canned, flogged, whipped, tied up to the point of bruises. My husband is also into breast torture that I can only half do (thanks, cancer) and he's afraid of hurting me. But it's not so much that he wants to...

I apologize if I'm beating a dead horse but I'm trying to gain some understanding on what my husband wants and what my option are. Long story short, my husband met someone online as a potential play partner without any real discussion about the subject before hand. After a lot of hurt feelings...

From the wife's possible perspective, be honest with her and don't do the DADT. You may think she is okay with certain things, but if she finds out and is not it could be devastating for your marriage. I am currently dealing with a situation where my husband thought looking for a partner was...