Recent content by lolalondon

I agree. And I always think that if you don't work on yourself, your hang-ups and anxieties end up being your only true long-term partners. If you don't mind me asking, how do you see things working out in your situation when he retires and you're both older? I assume you'd both be home...

Thanks. You're probably right. I think I see it this way because he won't treat or "work on" any of his issues and anxieties (from certain routines to social anxieties), regardless of how damaging they've been in all his past relationships. So I guess I see him as someone who won't look inside...

Thanks you, NR. I appreciate it. Yes, it's painful, but already I know it was the right thing to do. I try to operate a no-regrets policy in my life, I guess... Re: poly as an orientation, I tend to agree with SchrodingersCat in the sense that my (ex) bf did feel "trapped, stifled, and like...

Hi BirthofVenus, No, you haven't offended me. This came at a sad time for me, because this afternoon I told him I couldn't be in a long-term relationship with him any more. But I will address your points, as I don't feel I've explained fully. His line of work means he doesn't finish until...

I just wanted to add that we had a talk about this (e.g., moving forward with this, moving in together etc.). He's really happy that I've given them more freedom (2, maybe 3 nights a week, generally sharing weekends, and no limitations on meeting secondaries on days or eves when we're not...

I wouldn't know about that. I think I'm "polysexual-wired." I've always been like this. As a teenager, I had many lovers/FWBs. I wasn't interested in being emotionally invested in them, for the most part. I just enjoyed having fun. Sex is no big thing for me. I enjoy exploring my sexuality and...

Do you think it's part of the problem? I'm only asking because I'm the same, in a way, and there's a big price to pay. If showing distress makes you feel weak, you might bottle it up, and when it explodes, your self-preservation mode might kick in in an OTT way. I really struggle with the...

Apologies SJJ, I was referring to what you wrote in the beginning: "One day, he was texting her in the wide open, not really trying to hide anything." I'm sorry if I was being harsh. I was just trying to balance what others on the forum were saying, because I felt it was a bit one-sided. But...

Exactly. I agree that he has to learn to be accountable for his behaviour. But when he did try to be transparent and show her Facebook messages, she reacted badly. Also, SJJ needs to be accountable for her behaviour, and how it triggers him.

There is something here that confuses me. SJJ, please correct me if I'm wrong. I read through all your original posts, but I'm very tired today, so might be out of focus. What I understood is: Yes, he cheated and yes, you were part of it. But you also helped him see he might not be wired for...

Wow guys, thanks so much for the thoughtful replies! Definitely food for thought. Will answer each point in order... LovingRadiance: A) We discussed these issues. He is English and quite indirect about stating his needs/avoids confrontation. But he has finally been able to be clearer about...

Hi, I posted a few times regarding my swinger (me)/poly (him) relationship and different obstacles we've had. On the whole, we are doing really well and are happy together. He's met a lovely girl he gets along with. She was keen to meet me. This is the first time he's had someone who actually...

Thanks to all for your thoughtful replies. I managed to speak to him properly and we got somewhere, even though it got quite stressful. He said I don't realise sometimes how much it affects him when I go through stressful times (just to give context, over the last 11 months I've had to deal...

Exactly... he just denies there is a problem, and if I try to explain he makes it out like it's about me "telling him off" or undermining his "performance". He has never been able to separate things - if I crave a sex act we are not having it somehow means he's "let me down" and any little...

Thanks, I agree completely but the issue isn't frequency - I'm happy with the frequency and would even be happy with less if it continued to involve the things we both used to enjoy rather than an ever-decreasing repertoire (currently it's vaginal sex in 2 positions, oral and manual stimulation...