Looking for possibilities

So...Hi, I'm B. This is very new to me, I'm not exactly sure what to say and I haven't explored this community before, so please understand why I'm not giving my specific details out. I am 46 years old. I have 2 children, 25 and 20. I am twice divorced and I have not been in a relationship since the end of 2019. I have worked at my current job for 4 years. There's a multitude of life experiences that go in to how a person becomes who they are in the present. Good, Traumatic, Loving, Hurtful, Desperation, Longing, Inability to recognize fault, Being true to oneself, etc. I honestly don't know what I want. I feel as though I've always wanted a life where a get to laugh everyday. The people I choose to love, I love wholeheartedly. I was in a relationship for 9 years and I wanted to love them as a significant other should, unfortunately we were too different people that only grew further apart. And that is ok, not everyone grows together, it's normal in life. I have a very strong sense of family and family is not always blood. I'm fiercely protective. I've been satisfied without a relationship, because I had my heart broken worse than anything I've ever experienced before, so I needed this time. I'm a homebody and I don't communicate with the outside world very well, but I'm very social at work. I'm known as the "Work Mom." I've let myself go after my last relationship and unfortunately I do no find my body attractive whatsoever, I'm soft though! Haha! In my life, I've had traumatic experiences that resulted in me believing my body was what I had to have for someone to be attracted to me and I'm still in that headspace. I have a lot of work to do on myself. I'm wanting to connect with people who can get me out of my shell. Please do not come at me trying to sext. I do not and will not send nudes, I don't want to receive them either. I'm wanting to learn more about polyamory and if it may be a good fit in my life. I feel the need to also add that I am very much against being bullied, criticized, physically assaulted or humiliated. I've dealt with that in the past and it will never happen again. That's absolutely not allowed.