looking4answers
I'm not sure if I'd call myself a beginner in polyamory.
I was in a very fun, loving and healthy polycule for 6 years as a teen/young adult.
Continued my journey with few but very close ethical non-monogamous friendships with benefits and non-sexual close connections that weren't quite relationships, but yet more than friendships (what do you call kisses, dates and naked cuddles with no sex and no deep romantic feelings but a deep platonic connection? Sounds complicated, but was very happy and low-stress in practice!)
Until 2 years ago I fell in love with someone who practiced polyamory... unwell.
Despite all that above, I don't have huge dating experience, it was more that one long relationship and some very close and positive human connections that didn't fit in a box.
And then a lot of things started happening. Very little or intentionally obscured communication through my last partner on his other partners or new partners joining our circle, yet a forced, obscured kitchen table dynamic with these people.
Jealousy and abuse festered and I tried for more than a year to make my way out of there and went through impossibly tangled and warped social situations, that I can't put into words without writing a novel.
In short: It was hell. It turned my world and view on love upside down.
It was so traumatic that I sought out therapy in the midst of it and eventually made my way out. But living in a small conservative country, therapy is not a great place to address polyamory and I am left with many questions and the need to ask them to people more experienced than me and restore my faith and understanding of what healthy polyamory should look like and which parts of what I experienced were okay, where I made mistakes, where others made mistakes and what was plain and simple abuse that I experienced.
I hope it's understandable from this description alone, that I by no means condemn polyamory after this or seek therapy... I just believe that recovering one's spirit and relearning what's healthy and making sense of things after such an experience is done by making new positive and healthy experiences in the company of people who practice or aim for the same thing.
I will try not to trauma dump, but at the same time I appreciate every person who is willing to aid me by sharing their own experiences and allows me to bounce some thoughts and questions off of them, on my journey of reflection and restoration. <3
I was in a very fun, loving and healthy polycule for 6 years as a teen/young adult.
Continued my journey with few but very close ethical non-monogamous friendships with benefits and non-sexual close connections that weren't quite relationships, but yet more than friendships (what do you call kisses, dates and naked cuddles with no sex and no deep romantic feelings but a deep platonic connection? Sounds complicated, but was very happy and low-stress in practice!)
Until 2 years ago I fell in love with someone who practiced polyamory... unwell.
Despite all that above, I don't have huge dating experience, it was more that one long relationship and some very close and positive human connections that didn't fit in a box.
And then a lot of things started happening. Very little or intentionally obscured communication through my last partner on his other partners or new partners joining our circle, yet a forced, obscured kitchen table dynamic with these people.
Jealousy and abuse festered and I tried for more than a year to make my way out of there and went through impossibly tangled and warped social situations, that I can't put into words without writing a novel.
In short: It was hell. It turned my world and view on love upside down.
It was so traumatic that I sought out therapy in the midst of it and eventually made my way out. But living in a small conservative country, therapy is not a great place to address polyamory and I am left with many questions and the need to ask them to people more experienced than me and restore my faith and understanding of what healthy polyamory should look like and which parts of what I experienced were okay, where I made mistakes, where others made mistakes and what was plain and simple abuse that I experienced.
I hope it's understandable from this description alone, that I by no means condemn polyamory after this or seek therapy... I just believe that recovering one's spirit and relearning what's healthy and making sense of things after such an experience is done by making new positive and healthy experiences in the company of people who practice or aim for the same thing.
I will try not to trauma dump, but at the same time I appreciate every person who is willing to aid me by sharing their own experiences and allows me to bounce some thoughts and questions off of them, on my journey of reflection and restoration. <3
- Gender
- Female