Recent content by Lysander

Thank you all for excellent advice! There is no question that Portia needs, above all, to take better care of herself; and I need to do everything humanly possible to facilitate that. I've redoubled my efforts to make it clear that whenever she'll allow me to schedule them I will go on dates...

People make time (though obviously the types of relationships possible at this stage of life are somewhat more limited). For example, she maintains a plethora of female friends. I make time for various activities. Granted, as she has suggested, the pool of prospects interested in such...

I was going to expand a little on that. If this were one generation in the future, when (I expect) more diverse relationship paradigms will be part of the cultural lexicon, I could have easily self-identified as "polyamorous." But 15 years ago I thought I was just like every other man...

Heh, see, this is part of why I assume that any woman involved with me would want female allies ;) Evie: Short answer to your question: I have assumed that sex with my wife is off the table, indefinitely, for years. When, on occasion, she volunteers, I count myself lucky; otherwise I'm out of...

If not after the first year or so, by now it's eminently clear that if it has been more than a day I'm feeling deprived. I try not to articulate that (if for no reason other than the fact that it only elicits negative feedback). But I'm not a good liar (or, I have no "poker face"). Even if I...

Correct: We have a nanny who takes care of the kids during the day. We both work hard at our jobs. I take care of most of the domestic chores that the nanny doesn't. My wife spends more time with the kids when she's not working. My wife works because she doesn't feel secure without a steady...

Looks like the term was more appropriate than I had realized: She has some long-standing complaints about me that have strained our conjugal bond (e.g., I've been building a business that is not yet profitable, so she doesn't feel I am ensuring our financial security right now in the absence of...

Sounds like excellent advice. The hard part is the "jedi mind trick" of making her forget how much she knows about my sex drive. I don't say anything anymore, but if has been a few ... hours ... she knows what I want. So that foot rub (which she loves), kiss, or even flirty glance, is now...

Ah ha -- thank you, ladies, for the illumination! Frankly, for purposes of sex I might as well be living in the 1950s, if not Victorian England. My wife is not only demi-sexual, but also very loathe to communicate about anything. It's just not a conversation she's interested or willing to...

Hilarious, illuminating turn in this thread! Ditto that: Perform? Unless it's a special occasion my experience has been that (after the honeymoon stage) sex is "performed" by the man, and I am just grateful when my wife agrees to be the "subject" of the performance. A great day is when she...

Yes, thank you nycindie and opalescent -- interesting to learn that the polyamory movement has a strong feminist component. So based on your observations there is indeed a correlation between high libido and polyamorism in women. Evie, you being the one potential counterexample to that (so far...

GalaGirl: If you are not a professional counselor you should be. (And if you are, PM me your Paypal because I owe you ;)) Isn't my situation the general plight of the polyamorous person? I love her, but I need to love others. In my case, love has a very practical component -- I guess you...

Statistically unrepresentative, yes, but not uninformative!

I was thinking about asking a similar question of women. Do you think it could be formulated the same way and with the same parameters?

Interesting observations. Perhaps I need to recalibrate the question for this audience? (I was certainly surprised when I learned that there are men who don't want sex daily, or at least multiple times per week!) Maybe the variable should be "daily" vs "less than daily?"