Recent content by Marcus

No offense was intended. I was just going off of context clues. Since I'm assuming this kind of chastisement is the norm going forward, I'll just either use names or I'll make them up if I don't see any available.

Your partner has demonstrated that they aren't on board with the agreements as they are being set out. More importantly, they have demonstrated that they are not comfortable with being honest about this fact. It sounds like they are just nodding "sure, sounds good, I'll abide by that rule" and...

I'm not monogamous, so someone "offering" me that choice is a firm indicator that this person and I are not doing the same thing. I wouldn't entertain weighing the two relationships, because asking me to do that in the first place is a hard stop for me. Have you discussed this with Annette...

The issue here isn't with your metamour, the issue is with your wife not abiding by the rules that the two of you have agreed on. If she's showing up later than agreed, and that's a big deal to you, then I should think you two need to talk about that. I would think of it more like someone not...

I don't think you need to take that on. Who could have known how it would have played out. Even if, in retrospect, there were flaws in your decision making, you don't have a time machine and you don't have any control over that. Sometimes the decisions we make don't pan out, that's just life, I...

It's not particularly rational, but I also think it's normal. Most of us aren't raised to have reasonable reactions to missing out on things or getting bad news. I didn't learn how to be a good receiver of bad news until much later in my life, and that was in-spite of how I was raised and...

Love isn't a substitute for compatibility and mutual respect. The most central hard stop, red flag, no-go, for me is that I won't allow people to try to control my other relationships in any way. If my partner were to behave this way (which would be bizarre, because that would be very out of...

The only rules that ought to exist in a consensual relationship, need to be enthusiastically agreed upon by all parties. I specify "enthusiastically", because begrudging adherence to a rule in a voluntary relationship is a mondo bad idea. When people begrudgingly agree to a rule, that's a sign...

NRE, as far as I can tell, is just meant to describe that rush of hormones at the early part of an association. If it seems to be going on for a while, then that might just be how your relationship goes for a period of time. I wouldn't give it too much authority over my decision making; when...

Are you sure she feels safe enough with you to be honest? In my world, one of the best relationship super powers a person can have is to receive bad news gracefully, and to embrace the reality that people should feel safe to express themselves honestly. When I approach people in this way, they...

You've received quite a bit of advice in this thread, and I doubt I have much to add, but I do want to jump in on this comment from GG. Communication is great, as long as it's constructive communication. You've mentioned that you've had numerous conversations with her about this, you've gotten...

The clear anti-male chip on your shoulder aside, yes, setting and standing by healthy boundaries is the way to solve this issue. Setting and standing by healthy boundaries is difficult for most of us, for a myriad of reasons, but it's still a central pillar of having healthy associations...

This whole thing honestly reads like an extensive warning label of how to NOT live your life and how to NEVER have a relationship. It's just one big red flag after another, stating loud and clear that this is a fundamental mismatch and the relationship has no business even existing. Speaking...

I only share with people what I care to share. Just because I'm going on a date with someone, or moving in with someone, or establish a life partnership agreement with someone, doesn't mean they are entitled to know my every thought or every aspect of my life. I am an independent person though...

This person needs to work on their boundary setting and communication skills. If they have rando people coming over to their house and trashing the place and leaving them with the bill, but this isn't something they want... they are just setting themselves up for failure. If I don't want to...