Recent content by Marcus

  1. Marcus

    Quick advise on phone calls

    I get that her time management is irritating; people who consistently can't or won't show up when they say they are going to will prompt me to adjust my expectations of them. Once someone shows that they aren't going to do what they say they're going to do, I just make that decision for them and...
  2. Marcus

    New, like most of the posts here lol

    The traits of effective interpersonal communication are the same regardless of which relationship "type" it is. This is both fortunate because you don't actually need a different set of rules for each relationship and challenging because most of us learn that everything about a relationship...
  3. Marcus

    New to Poly and wantwd advise

    One of my favorite sentiments <3 Just because we care for someone doesn't mean they are a good fit for every type of relationship, and coming to terms with that is an important step in high level adulting.
  4. Marcus

    New to Poly and wantwd advise

    It is definitely not wrong for you to want not want your partner to ditch you at a party to go bang someone else, and it's not wrong to want them to not hit on people in front of you. At the same time, it is not wrong for them to want to hit on or hook up with whomever they want, whenever they...
  5. Marcus

    How to avoid hierachy?

    I avoid hierarchy by trying not to take part in it. The "relationship escalator", a term I believe coined by the solo-polyamorous folk, is something that is insidious and I can hop on the damned thing without realizing I've done it. As Inanial said, avoiding it altogether would entail being...
  6. Marcus

    Need Advice Please Help

    He's effectively living a double life. Either come clean, and stop living a double life. Or stop being bothered by living a double life. (I'm not sure how someone would do that) Something to keep in mind about how this relationship might look in the future, is that if/when you do actually...
  7. Marcus

    Newbie advice please!

    Is this a dom/sub power exchange kind of setup? If not, I want to point out that your posts are primarily centered on what these two people want of you. I suggest you step back from this situation, what they want, what has happened in the past, and most importantly what these other two people...
  8. Marcus

    Negotiating a Relationship

    I don't speak for anyone but myself, so definitely don't take my opinion as some kind of authority on this forum. Tons of people disagree with me on fundamental level, so it would be incorrect to put my voice on some kind of pedestal. However, your point stands that I have suggested you're in...
  9. Marcus

    Negotiating a Relationship

    If she would be offended by your presenting it that way, is she really the person you are hoping to get into this kind of contract with? All I'm saying is that you have what I would consider to be a hyper-pragmatic approach to this association that has very little (if anything) to do with...
  10. Marcus

    I cant stop coming back to this idea...

    The joys of monogamy. I'll pass. People really can just be the worst. I'm glad you're being smart and taking care of yourself; gotta set those boundaries and keep them sturdy!
  11. Marcus

    I cant stop coming back to this idea...

    Most semi-functional people will adjust how they treat us by the energy we give off. It may be that some don't realize you are a woman, and possibly that some read your attire/demeanor as "not interested". Either way, a win is a win.
  12. Marcus


    Welcome aboard, John. Avoiding the relationship escalator I see? I hope you'll share some of your solo-poly perspective with us in the discussion forums.
  13. Marcus

    I cant stop coming back to this idea...

    You may certainly get some of that kind of interest too, the more you make your feelings known to people. When some people hear things like "non-monogamy" or "polyamory" they mainly just hear "I'll hook up with literally anyone, at literally any time". The reason is because some folks who...
  14. Marcus

    Negotiating a Relationship

    It's more like negotiating a contract with an escort, which I think is a great idea. It's not like they can't still like each other or even be good friends, but when it comes to business just be clear. People do it all the time, though they frame it as "love" because the general public is...
  15. Marcus

    Having trouble to take the first step

    I want to encourage you to re-frame the way you are looking at conflict. Conflict is just the word we use to describe two parties trying to come together, but there is a difference of opinion or value system that is keeping them from aligning perfectly. The goal in addressing conflict should be...