Recent content by monomom

It's over We finally called it quits in March, filed for divorce. In the end, there was too much pain and too much damage to save. Just shy of 23 years. Our oldest daughter is going to a residential facility for adults on the Autism spectrum in September, the youngest is starting her senior...

MorningStar, you're actually a veteran in all of this compared to me. I'm mono, 21-year spouse to a man who just confessed he's had these feelings the entire time and just didn't know it was an option. So really, our situations are apples and oranges, but maybe my perspective might give some...

Well, I declined the dinner date. I'm not ready for that as I swing between deep sadness and sobbing and extreme rage and anger. I'm not sure, short of thorazine, how I can maintain a "normal" happy facade. We're in therapy and not being greatly successful. Neither one of us understands the...

tonkspaw, I understand about not wanting to appear needy. I'm having a really hard time asking for what I need, battling the feeling I shouldn't have to ask if my husband was really interested in me. I'm also afraid to ask because I have a feeling I'm going to find out he isn't and that's going...

YouAreHere, Thank you for spelunking, I know it was a lot of territory to cover. Full background disclosure. First polybomb, last Spring, he came to me admitting he'd fallen for a colleague with whom he'd been hanging out (her and husband are poly), discovered there was a name for what he'd...

nycyndie, I meant he's laying off the constant deluge of polytalk. Saving it for therapy, small doses in a controlled environment. Small bites instead of cramming the whole thing down my throat all at once.

I don't know if it's good or not, but I feel like I was heard today. We'll hire an assistant and an accountant (I was really not looking forward to taxes this year). He agreed on the terms I commit to 6 months of marriage counseling and take divorce off the table (I would have given him 12, but...

GalaGirl, I don't think I'm fighting to keep status quo, I'm fighting to revive and maybe renovate our marriage. There's a lot that could stand some work. What I'm saving the marriage from is harder. If he truly does need a polyamorous lifestyle to be happy, I'm not going to ask him to NOT do...

GalaGirl, at this point in time, I'm wondering why I'm staying at all, poly or no poly. Love, affection, and hot sex help make all the pain and frustration you have in a long-term monogamous relationship easier to accept. But NOT having romance, love, affection and hot sex while the man I love...

PaperGrace, I re-read that and it sounded snotty. I'm sorry.:( But I really am interested what paths secondaries see with their lovers, what sustains you through the challenges you face? I'm beginning to wonder if I have anything good to balance all the challenges, because I'm sure as hell not...

PaperGrace, I would be interested to know what path you see yourself on and what you enjoy about it. And by "shared laundry", I'm assuming sheets/towels and a couple of outfits, and not two weeks of oilfield muck covered jeans and shirts, socks and underwear, and FR clothing that has to be...

KC43, I'm not sure who brought up co-dependency, I'm just trying to work through why I feel like I do. I've never limited his social experiences or asked him to spend all his time with me. Mine have been limited by circumstances, and I've allowed that to happen. Some days, he's the only adult I...

I don't have a problem with him having outside interests or friends, even female friends. It's not about wanting a monopoly on his time or interest. We actually have very little time together as it is, and most of it is spent doing work related or family things. So it's not about being...

I was massively skilled when I left the college 20 years ago. Now I'm lucky if I can match my socks and make it to the grocery store without something staining my blouse. I've been figuring salary and benefits for an Executive Assistant for 14 years, I'm rich. :) I've called and cancelled his...

"Well, why were you reading poly books if you didn't want a poly perspective?" When I'm faced with something I don't know about/understand, I read and research, I try to find answers, hope. My family called me The Researchinator after we got the Autism diagnosis. You would have completely off...