Recent content by Monounsaturated

We have agreed to separate, with a view to possible reconciliation. As I sit here and type, I am wracked with emotional pain. I think of the way I treated Matilda and I just want to scream. It's like I found a big shiny self-destruct button within myself and I just kept pushing the damned thing...

I don't like fear very much. It makes me do stupid things. It sits on my shoulder whispering insidious things in my ear. I'm going to have to tape it's mouth, that, or buy some decent earphones and drown it out. One way or another, fear has to shut up and take a back seat on this one. I don't...

imagination

Thank you. I've been bouncing off the walls trying to come up with an explanation for my insane behaviour, and it fits. I just hope my realisation isn't too damned late. M

It's now 4.30 and I still cannot sleep. Matilda is asleep. I try going to bed, but I just lie there staring at the ceiling. I look over to her and I'm filled with regret. So now I listen to music.

It's 3am here, and I can't sleep. My mind is whirring, thinking of the past and the possible future that lies ahead. I feel more grounded than I've felt in a while. I don't know if I'm deluding myself, but I do know that dropkicking the baggage from my past is the appropriate thing to do...

Low Self-Esteem I'm going to throw this out there. I've been spending a lot of time thinking and crying-- shock/horror, a grown man, 6"2 and built like a fridge (to borrow Matilda's description of me) crying like a baby at work. I think I know why I've behaved the way I have for the past 10...

stirrups

I feel lost, in a limbo-like state that's hard to fathom. Feelings that have been pushed down for too long are racing through me, feelings that I haven't allowed myself to feel. I veer from hopeful to despair, and back again. I find I'm going back to the remedies I used as a kid. I lose...

Numb, shellshocked, these are words that best describe how I'm feeling today. I read Matildas blog and I see posts that paint me as a demon. I know I'm not. My focus in the past few years has been on all the wrong things and it led me to neglect the one thing in my life that has any meaning...

glasses

Looking at the world though a different lens is both terrifying and exhilerating. We have a lot to work through, I have a lot to work through. Playing the blame game really gets us nowhere. I have first hand experience, both in my own life and watching others (mainly my parents). How we wind up...

carrots

James Blunt - Cry http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sX_xz5RYkXo

I've been listening to Billy Joel's Honesty. The man is a musical genius. There always seems to be a song that fits a given situation. My favourite has to be She's Always a Woman. When I look back at the past 10 years and how I have treated her, I feel sick. I held on so tight I strangled the...