Recent content by Openbook23

The boundary of cuddles/closeness while giving this to others would be a deal breaker for me. Polyamory definitely allows people to negotiate different relationships with different people, and that can mean doing different things with each partner. But this is basic relationship closeness. She...

Your needs are incompatible. It's that simple. It's very sad when that happens, but he's polyam and you aren't. You can't make him be monogamous. He can't make you be polyamorous. You don't want to date other people. So don't. You seem unable to adjust to his seeing other people (which makes...

Ok, now I'm super curious about where ref2018s phone has been.... Anyway, I guess I do have my partner's cell PW, and she has mine, but I've never used it except to get the camera ready (and vice versa). Her messages are private, and the idea of sending a text FOR her? Wow. That's such a...

I ended a relationship back in April that was similar to what Magdlyn describes. She wasn't a narcissist. She was fearful avoidant (aka disorganized attachment wounds)...BAD. The actions are very similar to a narcissist, but the motives are different. The results on the partner are the same...

If I'm reading you right, you knew this person before they started dating your partner...and thus this change is hurting you. I'm sorry. That's hard. Is it possible that your metamour is feeling a bit guilty or otherwise concerned about your feelings? When people are new to poly, this can be a...

Great example of why dating non-poly people can be tricky. But OK, let's go with what is here. It sounds like your wife DID say that she is poly and thus in an open marriage. I'm not sure what is confusing her boyfriend. I can say that my wife dated a guy who knew everything but STILL thought of...

I may be misunderstanding, but I think OP is gay, and his partner's partner is thus likely (but not necessarily) male. Anyway, genders aside, this is a common situation. I don't say that to discount how hard it is at all. I just mean you aren't alone in going through it. Many people open up...

My spouse is 16 years younger than I am (I'm 50; she's 34). Nobody can tell, because I look younger. I know lots of people say that, but I can only tell you my experience. So, people are often shocked when they find out, but because we don't LOOK different in age, they get over it very quickly...

Lots of great stuff in this thread. Thanks to all involved. I think MeeraReed hit on some big points. People do Polyamory in different ways. I've dated people who use it as a way to avoid commitment ("I don't have the capacity for a full time relationship with anyone"), and others who use it as...

This past week, in a joint therapy session, where my wife was sitting next to me, the therapist and I uncovered my deeply rooted need to people please and be a "good boy". I started crying, and the therapist asked me how it makes me feel to think about how much of a role that plays in my life...

I would never move in with someone in the first year, but overnights? Those to me are just extended stays together. I recently did my bravest version of this. Met someone online who lives in another state (a little over 3 hours from me). We decided to do our FIRST meet in a city between us. How...

Others have already said this, but this isn't polyamory. It's not even ENM. It's missing the E. It's just cheating, and you want to get over the fact that he's cheating and is (apparently) still hung up on his ex. I won't ask why, because you have your reasons, I'm sure, and as you can see, most...

NRE can be hard, especially when you've been together that long. You no longer have that, and that's OK...it's healthy, actually. Their NRE means they don't even know if they are actually compatible yet. Once that fades, they will find out. The fact that he was doing this before talking to you...

If 'true love' means one person who has everything you ever need, then I guess polyam might mean giving that up, but only because that's just not realistic. I'm not sure anyone can measure up to that, and part of polyam is recognizing that (I think healthy monogamy could use that insight as well...

Agreed. Thanks.