Recent content by PurpleSun

I'm gonna offer the perspective of someone who ended a mono/poly set up almost a year ago now. Granted, there were MANY other issues, but the bottom line was this: I'm poly. She was mono. She'd never accept this huge part of who I was, and it was damaging to me. What sticks out to me is this...

Thanks for the clarification. Must have missed that - thanks!

If you are thinking of starting a family, don't complicate your relationship with a new structure like polyamory. Family planning, pregnancy, having and raising children - this will all be more than enough of a strain on your relationship without the extra baggage of adjusting to polyamory...

This set up can definitely work with cohabitation and co-primaries. I'd only caution that you are moving in a direction where you will no longer be solo. The three of you will need to work out the boundaries and logistics of your relationship, and how things will go. Communicate, communicate...

What you are asking for is called JADE. Justify, argue, defend, explain. Rehashing things and going in those circles helps no one. The only thing someone needs to do to break it off is to tell you they don't want to date you anymore. She does not owe you anything else. Respect her wishes, even...

I would say that dating mono people is inherently more difficult. Monogamy and polyamory are simply two completely different relationship orientations/worldviews. I've tried and tried with mono people. Always ended in disaster. I think you have the right idea re: breaking it off with them...

No, you are not being selfish. It would be selfish if he had been adamantly opposed to polyamory. Clearly, he was not from the start, just now. You get to have a life. The problem I see in such situations is that partners in your position often give up EVERYTHING to care for the more needy...

Gemma, Both you and your bf have a right to have a say so in this. Your husband does not just get to rip apart the lives of two people for his own selfish ends. I get that there are two things that hinder him - the fact that he hasn't found anyone, and part of the reason for that...

Not that we can diagnose Matt, but I just went through this. I FINALLY got the ability to COMPLETELY cut ties. If this is the case, don't walk. RUN. AS FAST AS YOU CAN. As for the suicide bit - yeah...any talk of that should be a deal breaker, whether dude is borderline or not. I would end it...

You seem to be very open minded when it comes to polyamory, which is a huge and positive step to making something like this work. However, what really rocks me here is this: You're monogamous. If you truly are monogamous at your core, you're never going to be completely comfortable in a...

No worries. I think it's just that sometimes this board can be very exhausting as a member of any number of minority groups, and it just seemed that way. Things often don't come across as they are intended in text.

I never said you needed my approval. However, good allyship to any minority means LISTENING to the members of that group and their experiences. I never called you racist. All I said was that acting as if there is some kind of comparison between what white people experience and the system-wide...

No worries about the hijack! These comparisons are important, because it might cut through a bit more than a racism convo. And you're right, the same thing happens with sexism. I think you're already an awesome ally. You totally get it.

Firstly, thank you for asking. That is the first step right there - conversations like this. Secondly, speaking up when you see a thread like this go down the path that this one has. Meaning, when people jump down the person of color's throat for pointing out racist behavior and privilege in...

Thank you for your eloquent patience here. You're awesome. :)